I feel like I can't get better

[Jac_HWY]

I am a high school student who had a bad experience with switching schools early this year. I had a miserable time at the new school and lost my self-confidence and self-motivation. I became an emotional mess, paralyzed by anxiety to the point that I was afraid to get out of bed in the morning and had panic attacks in school. This worried my parents very much and led them to decide that perhaps transferring wasn't the best choice and therefore transferred me back to my original school.

At first I thought that I could forget the past bad experience and refocus, but the first few weeks back proved to be a lot more stressful than I imagined, largely from pressure from myself to revert back to my usual self and also pressure to score well in exams. I frequently got upset and frustrated, sometimes the smallest things be it issues with friends, studies or even nothing at all could trigger a wave of dark emotions and throw me into an abyss of sorts. I couldn't seem to become the jovial self I used to be and tended to held back from socializing or taking the lead because I felt like I didn't have my self-confidence anymore and I scolded myself for still being so useless even though I got to transfer back to my old school. I was lucky that I had my parents to confide in at the end of each day but even with everyone's support, school life didn't get any easier.

Soon I got anxiety attacks again in class, and became scared of going to school again. I also worried that I was worrying my parents again as they suggested getting professional help. It's been a couple of months and I can see that I am getting better, in terms of schoolwork I'm catching up, rebuilding relationships with my friends, and the attacks have become less intense. What is still bothering me is that the lingering worry is always there gnawing away at my insides, and even up till now there's still the slight fear of going to school. Sometimes the dark feelings come back and it frustrates me so much when it does because it's as if every time something goes right, for example I'm okay for a few weeks, then after that everything slides downhill again and honestly it's so emotionally tiring. I don't know what to do because even though everything else seems like it's improving, my emotional stability doesn't seem to be going upwards at all. I'm always afraid that the feeling that I'm becoming worse will come back and that everytime I think of school there's always the hint of self-impending doom in the back of my mind.

Could this be because I have anxiety or even depression? Or maybe it's just the lingering effect of a bad experience? Or maybe I'm just over-thinking and exaggerating? I'm really worried and have considered looking for a professional or starting medication because it's so hard to bear with each day. But at the same time, I'm afraid of bringing this up to my parents because they already think I'm completely better and also because I already put them through so much worry in those first few weeks. I really don't know what to think and it makes me feel so helpless. Please help.

[Paxiled]

I'd skip the medication, but your parents are right -- you should see a therapist.  You need to find out why you're suffering this insecurity, or at least learn that everyone has troubles in life from time to time and that change is hard but you do get used to it.  I'd get that therapy.