everynight

[moody2u]

I have had panic attacks in the past. I have gotten to the point now where I am more confident and have less now. Maybe one every few weeks or so. At night it`s different. I usually wake up any where from 4am- 7am and have a racing heart. If I have a bowel movement or gas, as soon as I am finished I feel %100 better.
This has only been going on since my boyfriend got drunk and passed out watching a porno the volume on the tv as loud as it will go. (tv is broken) It scared me to death. I woke up thinking he was cheating or some girl was hurt! I couldn`t get my heart to slow so I tried taking my mind off of it and had sex with him. He forced himself to give me oral. I told him no ( I was on my period)  he didn`t listen. He was so drunk he doesn`t remember. I didn`t bring up the fact he forced himself cause he has signs of being bipolar and that would make his mood swings of depression worse. I have also caught him masterbating with the door open while watching porn with the room right across the hall with his mother in it. If she had not been asleep she could have seen! I have told him this makes me very anxious. I wish I could do something to face my fear, but I don`t know what my fear is. Maybe this posrt should be in bipolar since its more about him?

[Nighthawk61]

One more thing to say.... If you were masturbating in full view of your father's door, in hindsight,  would you not expect your spouse to insist that you got as much help as you needed to never let it happen again, even if that meant possible residental treatment?

I remember when I was younger falling off the kitchen counter after nodding off after taking a huge regular amount of a mix of prescription drugs.  To this day i can't believe my mom didn't call an ambulance and have me put into a hospital where i would get the kind of help she couldn't provide. But, my mom had this no talk rule ingrained in her head, because we lived like that in an abusive home. It was all part of the family disease of addiction, and no one wanting to feel guilty. Beware of the fear of asking for all the help that's out there. Peace to you. I know i am passionate and I truly pray that my posts have not overwhelmed you further.

[Nighthawk61]

And please, keep in mind, that down the road, when everything is going so well, some mentally ill person's might totally fall back to a position of having their mental illness out of control, after smoking that one or two or 100 (over whatever period of time elapses) joint. There is risk associated with mentally ill persons smoking. But there are also some, my husband included, that does smoke two or three puffs while walking the dog, (for a mile) . I sure hope it all works out for y'all. Be very good to yourself right now. Take the time you need to keep youslf strong. Friends can help ALOT. It makes sense tht a support group would be wonderful for you. Did someone not mention a support group? Also, having a personal therapist, who also knows about addiction, would be great for YOU. Be good to yourself. You're going to have to know how to deal with boundaries and interventions, for mental illness, for your spouse insisting on drinking/drugs going forward. Keep posting.

[Nighthawk61]

Also, smoking pot is the absolutely worst thing that a mentally ill person could do. Maybe after he's back to normal he might smoke a joint now and again, but if mandatory addiction is something that your husband insists upon in the early stages of treating his mental illness, you could well be fighting a battle that you cannot win and all the help in the world the pdocs can give with therapy and meds, could all be in vane. You must be honest about his using weed and drinking. As I said, the pdocs and I came up with a 90 day treatment centre so that the meds he got from the pdoc had a chance of working. I don't envy your position, but if your spouse has the will to fight for your relationship, and a life of freedom from going back to living with his unstable family of origin, he will. You're in my prayers. Liz

[Nighthawk61]

I mentioned that I had to have my husband committed , for his own good. I honestly think you're at that point, and I think that may be your greatest fear. It's hard to take action. But, I had to. My husband's actions were out of control. I went to his family doctor, and talked to him about what was happening. He agreed that my husband needed to be committed for his own good. With his family doctor's decision, my husband had the choice of going on his own, or have a police escort. He went to the pysch ward for 72 hours and stayed for 21 days. He got on Seroquel and spoke to a psychiatrist everyday, as well as went to group meetings. It felt good for him that he started to feel better. That was his catalyst for staying, as well as the fact that it was upon my insistence.  He then went to a 90 day treatment centre. The reason he did so, was because I told him that unless he did, the relationship was over. He cared about that. and it set him into motion his saving our relationship. You have to be confident yourself that what he means to you, you mean to him. Look at what you're dealing with to keep him. Does he not have to put in the same amount of effort, at least? He needs to know in his heart there is a better life for him. He needs to be reminded about the times before he got sick. He needs to hear what he'll be missing in the future, should he not commit himself fully right now. I know how difficult it is to take this approach. Please, for his sake and yours, for the sake of the relationship surviving and flourishing, MAKE SURE YOU GO AND DEMAND TO BE HEARD AND PART OF HIS TREATMENT. IT'S ESSENTIAL TO HIS WHOLE SITUATION BEING LOOKED AT BY PROFESSIONALS. HE'S NOT GOING TO TELL THIEM WHAT THEY NEED TO HEAR.  Beware, some lazy doctors might say it's not needed that you become involvedl. These would be quacks are just treating him like a number and not caring about the specifics of his case.  Make sure you go to the appointment and insist that you speak in front of your husband, and relate ALL the details of what's been going on, the worst being that he is exposing himself in public really while he is masturbating. The next step for him is to actually expose himself in public, right? This is serious stuff, he IS out of control now. I am suggesting to you that you speak to the doctor, also, privately and discuss the benefits of him being committed into a psych ward and being treated hands on with a psychiatrist daily for a period of days or weeks. It helped my husband deal with the true and sheer gravity of the situation. Certainly, our marriage would not have survived without this kind of intense therapy at that time. So, it may not take 21 days for your spouse, but there would be no downside to him having intense therapy before switching to weekly or monthly appointments. I think you need the support of the Pdoc dear. This is too much for you to handle on your own any longer.  

[moody2u]

Thank you so much for your response! I am taking my BF to see a doctor next week. I have since spoken to him about his actions and how they cause me anxiety. He is willing to work on himself. I hope he is diagnosed properly. Then we can work on us. He does drink frequently, but its usually one drink a night, unless it`s the weekend and he`s depressed. Him and his mother smoke pot. I`m trying to be very patient with his disabled mother living here. I hope to help her find a place soon. She is on a waiting list and she pushes his buttons and makes things worse. I honestly think they are both bipolar, but I`m in no position to know that for sure. She is currently seeing a therapist. Again thank you and may we all someday know peace.

[nursegirl6572]

Hello and welcome!  I'm sorry you're having a rough time.

It sounds very much like that frightening night has stuck with you.  Your nightly anxiety episodes are very much like a kind of conditioning.  You relate that time of night to the traumatic event that scared you, so now it's ingrained in your mind that at that TIME, you will have anxiety.  Similar to someone having an anxiety reaction to a PLACE.  If someone has a panic attack in the library, they begin to fear the library, and will likely have anxiety if they return there.  Obviously, the library (and in your case, time of day) is not the CAUSE of the anxiety, just how the person relates it in their mind.

It sounds like your relationship with your BF isn't the most healthy one.  For one, it sounds like your BF isn't addressing his bi-polar disorder, which is a big concern.  Also, getting drunk on top of a condition like that can be a recipe for disaster.  Does he still drink?  Does he get intoxicated frequently?  Any other substance abuse going on?  His behavior is inappropriate, and it seems as though YOU have made the possible consequences of his poor decisions YOUR problem, which is unfortunate because you are adding a lot of unnecessary stress to your life.  HE should be the one concerned about his mother finding him masturbating, not YOU.  I would really urge you to take a very close, honest look at your surroundings and determine if that's a big factor in your anxiety.  

I would also encourage you to have an honest discussion with your BF about the things that concern you and cause you anxiety and see if he's willing to step up to the plate to make some changes, both with managing his bi-polar, and also paying closer attention to his behavior.  If he seems unwilling to improve himself or unwilling to at least consider that he's got some work to do, then you have some tough decisions to make for yourself  I'm afraid to say.  Your anxiety will never be managed well if you're in an unhealthy living situation.  There are plenty of treatment modalities appropriate for the management of anxiety, but if you remain in an environment that isn't conducive to peaceful living, your efforts will be futile and you'd be constantly dealing with an uphill battle.

I wish you the best.  Please keep posting, let us know how you're doing.  We're here to help and support you any way we can.  We know how bad anxiety can be, how debilitating it is.