Anxiety Disorder

[sassy294]

My boyfriend of a year has panic attacks.  Recently, he has distanced himself from me.  He doesn't call or see me right now.  He says he has weird feelings.  I am at loss about what to do.  Any suggestions?

[Paxiled]

I will only add that meds can be a pain, what with side effects and such.  Also, doctors aren't the best people for this.  A therapist is best, and if medication is necessary, a good psychiatrist, which is very hard to find, is better than a regular doctor.  They don't know anything about these meds; the truth is, most psychiatrists don't, either.  But none of this is up to you -- it's up to him.  It's sad that so many of us have problems, and we often become isolated because those close to us distance themselves.  On the other hand, just because a person has a mental problem doesn't mean he's a particularly nice or generous or whatever person, either.  We can be good people and we can be rotten people and we can be in the middle.  If he's not for you because of his personality, quite apart from his illness, well, you have to evaluate that.  In other words, take care of yourself, too, and try to be objective about what you're feeling.  Good luck to both of you.

[sassy294]

Thanks for responding.  He does have an appointment next week.  I worry that he will chose not to follow his doctor's advice.  I believe he thinks it would be easier to cut me out of his life so this doesn't add to his anxiety.  He has to take this step or I am not sure this relationship will survive.  I don't want to lose him, but he has to help himself.  I will be there to support him at anytime.  

[sassy294]

It is really painful on both ends.  I am taking it slow.  His energy is going to his son and work at this time.  Thank you.  Hopefully, we will see each other this weekend; I am not going to push.

[sassy294]

Thanks for sharing.  This has been an issue with him before in other relationships.  He had warned me about this previously that he just feels weird and wants to be by himself.  We haven't seen each other in a month, but are talking or texting now.  Previously, I had initiated the contacts.  Right after I made the post, I talked with him and lost my cool.  I just didn't understand how he could do this.  We had planned on looking for a house at the end of the month, but now, I just don't know.I talked with earlier this week and he has agreed to see his doctor again.  He has meds for panic attack, but he doesn't take them everyday.  I think maybe he might need meds in his system to level off the feelings he is having.  I am not giving up on him.  I told him that.  I want him to get what he needs.  I can't imagine my life without him.

[sparkle40]

Call him up and discuss a plan about gettting treatment for them.

[sassy294]

thank you for taking the time to respond to me.  I have been by his side on 4 occassions when he experienced a panic attack.  I have never seen anything like it.  I stayed calm.  It lasted for about 30 minutes before it started to subside.  I had to retrieve the meds from the kitchen.  I don't think he wanted to take it.  He has previously been to the emergency room before because of an attack. He has medication for this, but I do not understand why he doesn't take this everyday.  We had a talk that laid the cards on the table.  I told him that I had been reading up on this and would do what was necessary.  He has an appointment next week; I hope he goes.

[sassy294]

Thank you for taking the time to write to me and share.  I am trying to be very patient with him and try to support him.  It finally came to a head the other day and we talked.  He has an appointment next week with his doctor.  I have asked him to tell the doctor what he told me.  I am hanging in there!!

[amanda__nichole]

i did this to my boyfriend. When i was at my worse point with my anxiety I distanced myself. It was hard on him. He wanted me to get out and do stuff but i didn't want to. I just wanted to stay in my bed. in my room. I feared the world. If I were you I would just be there for him. Talk to him. tell him you will listen if he needs to talk. also if he doesn't want to go out or do anything, just hang out with him in a place he feels safe, probably his home,

[Paxiled]

I've been dumped so many times by women because they couldn't see a life with someone who has depression or panic attacks.  He might just be scared of that.  And the other Sassy is right, sometimes you just don't want to bother others with it or have them bother you.  I threw a terrible temper tantrum the other day and almost lost my wife.  On the other hand, just because someone has panic attacks doesn't make him different from anyone else, so it could involve his feelings for you.  The only way to tell is to ask, and if he doesn't answer, ask again, or wait it out as you would with anyone else who suddenly grew distant.  Just be yourself -- that's who he likes, right?

[silverberg]

Tell him you want to be there for him for  "SUPPORT" , tell him you are there for him and No matter what he goes through during a panic attack you will be there for support in any way! If he agrees make sure your ready, Panic Attacks are very scary, one fills as if DEATH is about to happen, You need to stay calm and follow his lead, coach him to take deep breathes and remind him, he has been though this before and it will pass. (this is easier said then done).

Is he seeking help with a Dr.? or meds?

[SassyLassie]

It sounds to me like he is going through some fears and he just wants to be alone to deal with them, or, he is afraid of making you upset or you thinking he is weird.  Sometimes, when I get into anxiety or depressed mode, I do not want to talk to anyone or see anyone, for me, it is because I want to sort out feelings and do not want to appear "strange to others" also, I just sometimes do not feel like being sociable when like this and really have no reason, that is my main answer I guess, just no reason except I feel "crappy"

Dealing with "nerves" is difficult, try to be patient with him, he will come around.