Handling Disappointments

[Suzyq0826]

One of things I have found that is difficult for those of us anxious people is handling disappointments. Even when life is going smoothly we get anxious and stressed out over the "what ifs." When the what if's come true, then it' time to deal with the "what is." The "what is" for me now is the result of just getting off the phone with my husband in South Korea. Instead of meeting me in Chicago on Saturday and having half a vacation, he has to stay in Korea another week, so won't be joining me at all. So, I have two choices....I can sit around and mope about it, or I can get on the plane tomorrow and enjoy myself for five days with good friends and family. He's not happy about it, I'm not happy about it, but it is what it is. I am going to accept this as something that is beyond our control, take my trip, and have a wonderful time. I have a challenge ahead of me, have to try to start my own therapy even before I begin the "official" therapy, but I think I can do it.

[snoozies43]

I find ,myself saying the "what if!

I have to remeber...to constantly remind myself, to "stay in the moment" I cannot predict the outcome, i can only work on my response to things. Keep check on my expectations of others. Or taking their inventory. "they should be", "what if they" ..".what if it". I am struggling now, but i do know some of these reactions and projections, however working on it.

I always say don't keep up with Mr. Jones  he may not be here tomorrow.

Meaning.. looking at what others do in their life, with their life etc. why would i care?
They will be having their life as it is for that day, moment. This will cause me nothing but anger, low self esteem, and bitterness, and stressed.

You have done the right thing. Go on ahead! yes!. The trip was planned, and you cannot change the outcome.

Have yourself i fine time,
Snooze

[JSGeare]

I don't KNOW your husband, but I have SUSPICIONS about him.

What kind of suspicions?

The GOOD kind, that's what kind.

I rather suspect (<- told ya, suspicion) that were it left up to him, he would tell you to go to Chicago and have a WONDERFUL time, be happy, meet, greet, eat, drink. You will, in FACT, be honoring your marriage and honoring him by so doing.

And when you slip under the sheets up there to nod off for the night, you say to him, "Honey I love you and miss you and so wish you were with me right now. Be safe and hurry home."

However YOU say that.

It is not pleasant to be separated from those we love and who love us. But sometimes, that separation really, really tells us what is important.

You've got it Suzi, you've got it.

Now get your butt up to Chi-town.

[Suzyq0826]

Ah...you're suspicions are dead-on. That is exactly what he expects me to do, he told me this morning...and some wonderful promises about making this up to me somehow too....and by the time I get to snuggling under the sheets....the birds will be chirping and the sun will be coming up and I'll just zonk out and never even know he's not there. I tend to extend the days when I am with those I love that I rarely see. Hate to waste all that time sleeping, you know?

And he'll still call me every day, and I can pick up emails on my Blackberry, so we won't be totally out of touch, it'll be ok.

And....we have a trip to DC planned next month and a 12 night Carib cruise in 5 months....and a lifetime together, so I am going to make the best of it and enjoy myself!

[JSGeare]

DC, then, is it? Ever been there? If NOT, then let me know when you hit town and I'll give you my 50 cent tour of the subway system -including the tracks that don't appear on the map! Lunch at the Station Grill, owned and operated by my old buddy Bruce Gardner, who serves the world's best martini, which he has so aptly named after me. He calls it: "Loudmouth Soup."

Then, maybe, a trip to the Society of the Cincinatti, read all about it:

http://www.societyofthecincinnati.org/

Established by George Washington and his buddy Lafayette, it is the only organization in the world (that I know of) which is both A) a going concern, and B) has no living members. Among its treasures is the brooch that Lafayette gave Washington as a trinket of friendship. Worth millions. And next to it? A fake of the same thing, to confuse any would-be burglars. The problem is that the fake, while worth only a few bucks in glass and soft metal, is valued at over a million itself, because it is the only fake like it in the world. How do I know this? I insured them, that's how. Enjoy! Just ask around for "Anderson House."

And as to that 12 night thing in the Carib? Pusser's Tavern, by all means; home of the famous "Pain Killer" cocktail: a coconut confection. Then a stop by Brenda's for fried plantains, an unmatched delicacy.

Can you tell I'm excited?

I am.

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

-S

[Suzyq0826]

DC..have I ever been there....oh yes. It is one of my least favorite places in the entire continental US to go to. It gives new meaning to both traffic, rush hour, and who the hell designed this infrastructure? Rush hour is 12 hours long...do I take I95, I195, I295, I 395??? God bless you people that actually live in that area.
Where is the Station Grill? Union Station would be too obvious....

However, my little princess decided that was the place to go to college, and after 5 years (couldn't decide what she wanted to be when she grew up) of undergrad that I paid dearly for, calls it home. Her and my future son-in-law just bought a condo in Rockville, MD after paying a King's ransom monthly to rent an apartment on Capitol Hill for the past few years.
And my company owns the Hilton on Seminary Road in Alexandria and my stay will be comp'd...can't beat that :-)

So I have a few days off in August, it's my birthday and hubby will not rest until he sees the Smithsonian from one end to the other (it's on his bucket list). I try to tell him that's a week long excursion, but he begs to differ....and you know how you men are...always right :-))
Me...I just want to go somewhere for crabcakes....hard to get decent seafood in a landlocked state....heck, can't hardly find a decent steak here...in rancher's country. Chicago..Here I Come!!!!
Suzy

[cj29]

Enjoy your vacation; you definitely deserve it.  While I was deployed, I would try to ensure my wife was traveling, hanging out with friends, etc.  Even though it is very hard, you are continuing to live life; good for you!

[Suzyq0826]

You're right, I do need to continue on with life, and my husband would be very angry if I decided not to go or couldn't have fun unless he was home. It would just make it more difficult for him than it already is not being able to be here. It was his vacation too, and he's the one that doesn't get to go, so I can't really be feeling sorry for myself too much.
Thanks!