are my relationship problems caused by my anxiety?

[Jacksons_mommy]

My fiance & I recently had a miscarriage last month. I had surgery the end of June. Things got better after that because we started to work more as a family. We also have a 2 year old little boy who I raised alone for the first year & a half of his life. My anxiety was treated for a while & I was seeing a therapist then things got better. I got back with the love of my life, got engaged, & got pregnant. Things slowly started going downhill after that. I quit my job because of a few problems at work. We couldn't afford our house so we moved in with my mom then he got kicked out so he moved in with friends now me & our son are living with my dad. My car isn't running so I'm having to use my mom's. I guess I just feel overwhelmed right now. Since the surgery I have been really tired & dizzy. I have also started to have anxiety again....forgetting where I am etc. As anyone who is a parent you know that you don't really have breaks like a night off etc unless a family member wants to keep the child overnight or if you have a babysitter. My dad is constantly yelling at me & I feel like I'm never doing anything right. My fiance is very supportive as he talked me into going back to school this past fall since I've wanted to for so long. It's just here lately he's been working to try to pay bills he has due & I feel left out & just want someone to talk to but when we talk it seems to be about him or his work. Just looking for some advice on how I can fix this & if my relationship is having problems because of my anxiety? I also have had nightmares the last few weeks & haven't been sleeping well most nights. I have been having mood swings & just yelling for no reason. I just feel mad at the world after all that has happened lately & just want something to go right. Anyone have any advice for me??

[Jacksons_mommy]

I just found out tonight on my fiance's mom's myspace that my fiance is getting a new townhouse. I'm curious as to why he wouldn't tell me this?? He's been working a lot lately & seems to be distancing himself from me. He also recently got added onto his mom's cell phone plan instead of just turning both of our phones back on when he had the money to do it. What should I do?

[Jacksons_mommy]

He is a good guy for the most part. It just seems like when I really wanna talk to him I can't. I just want someone to listen. They have Communicare which is where I went before & it's $10 a visit.

[Paxiled]

You know, I don't really want to say this, but sometimes you learn through the trials in life that you've picked the wrong fiance.  If he's really as rigid and unfeeling as you say, what kind of life will you have together?  Because with all you've gone through, I know I'd be listening!  And don't know where you live, but generally there are community mental health clinics that offer low cost care scaled to what you can pay.  Don't give up because of lack of money.

[Jacksons_mommy]

Thanks. I just want someone to listen like what I say actually matters. Sometimes he listens & other times I feel like he doesn't have the slightest clue what we are talking about. Like I'll even catch him spacing out while I'm talking & I'll ask him what I said & sometimes he won't know. That aggravates the **** out of me. People don't realize how much has happened in my life in the last 5 months.

[theotterone]

Hang in there, you will get a lot of support here.  I check this at home and at work, so feel free to contact me if you need...

[Jacksons_mommy]

I know that my fiance has his own life & I understand. I just feel like I can't even have one conversation with him & talk about what I want to talk about. The subject gets changed or he leaves. I just can't get over losing our baby. Most days are good but some aren't. If I even think of talking about it I start to tear up or just cry. I just want him to be there for me more & really listen & for once just shut up about himself. But I want to do that without being a total ***** to him. You know?

[Jacksons_mommy]

I have tried talking to my dad but don't get very far. He is too stubborn & stuck in his own ways. If I don't do things the way he would do them like raising my son...etc.. then it's wrong. I just want to do something right you know? as far as the doctor I have an appointment on the 4th of August for a follow-up after the surgery so I'm going to talk to them about everything & see what they say.

[Jacksons_mommy]

Thank you! I went to a therapist once before & really liked going to therapy. The therapist was really nice & I was comfortable talking to them. I was thinking of going back to the same one other than I don't have a job right now & my medical card is about to cancel since I'm not pregnant anymore so I dunno how to pay for it. I have a check-up with my doctor that did the surgery on August 4th to make sure things are all ok body wise. I am also going to bring up everything else that has been going on to see what they say. I don't have a family doctor or anything. It's not helping that my fiance started tonight serving weekends in jail because of an incident & decided last minute that he was switching it from 2 day weekends to 3 day weekends. I just want someone to talk to & I can't even finish a conversation with him lately without him getting mad or just leaving. I feel like we are falling apart & all I wanna do is be close to him. I'm just having a hard time getting over this plus I worry about not having money since I don't have a job since we have a 2 year old together because I pretty much raise our son alone & did for a long time. He's there but not all the time. If that makes any sense. Thanks!

[crackedglass]

I was so surprised and very hopeful when I called my insurance about seeing a therapist. The insurance companies must have realized in the last decade or so that therapy is an important part of learning to handle anxiety issues. Now, instead of 3 visits, they pay for 12 visits and give a long list of therapists within a 20 mile driving radius. They encouraged me to see a few if I need to find one that I feel comfortable with! I've had a real boost just knowing that there's help close by. I may need more help than just therapy such as meds, but I think therapy is the best place to start. I'm calling my pcp Monday (he closes at 11am on Fridays) to just touch base and check that my hormone levels are near normal.

Jacksons_mommy, look into seeing a therapist. It can't hurt; might help. You've been through so much in such a short time. I can just imagine your hormones going up, down and even sideways with all the physical changes you've been through, too. Call your primary care physician and contact your most recent doctors, surgeons, etc., to tell them about your anxiety. I wish you the best!

[theotterone]

It can be hard to find someone to talk to, especially when they don't understand.  Anxiety or panic attacks are hard to understand unless you have been through it yourself.  A therapist can not only listen, but give great insight and tools to help one cope and manage the anxiety.  I am lucky that my mom went through it so she has been a great help to me.  But there is support here for you too.

[Paxiled]

And after the doctor, see a therapist.  In our society, you have to pay someone to talk to; we're not a tribal society anymore.  Anxiety can make us very isolated.  I know my wife is getting pretty tired of me being sick all the time; she has her own life, as does your fiance, and nobody's life is a piece of cake.  You've been through an awful lot; you have every right to feel uptight about it.  Only time will heal it, but a therapist can speed the process by giving you someone you pay not to become sick of you.  

[theotterone]

So much to have gone through in such a small amount of time!  If you can, try to see a doctor and go over what is going on.  You may not have anxiety disorder, it could be that your anxiety is a product of all that has happened.  As a mother of 2 myself, I understand.  And how do you explain to a small child why mommy isn't acting normal or is scared?   Talk to the doctor who did the surgery, are you ok physically?  A medical professional will help you determine if medication is needed (it isn't always) and what things you can do to help.  It took YEARS, YEARS! for my now husband to begin to understand my panic attacks.  He would get angry because he couldn't do something to fix it.  Try talking to your dad.  Explain what is going on and how can the two of you better communicate?  It is hard to keep a clear head and not panic when someone is yelling at you.  There is HOPE, there is a time that it will turn around.  My mom would tell me God doesn't give you anything you can not handle.  I always told her He has much more faith in me than I do.  Nothing seems to have gone right for me lately too, so I can empathize, but going through this cycle before, I KNOW it will turn around.  Remember too, you are grieving too, allow that.