Please,anyone,just need to vent n need a friend right now :(

[Babygurly22]

Hi, so as the title says just need a friend or just to vent. If any of u can relate to even if you dont want to talk to me feel free to leave a comment with ur experience and how ur doing now.so basically my fiance (been with 5yrs n engaged 2yrs)and i got into a huge fight tonight. Ive mever seen him that angry n he actially scared me.it started over something that was stupid and should have never been an argument in the first place and then it went into stuff that i didnt even know he was ever upset about n he started screming at me n smashing his fist on the counter.before i tell you what it was let me say that the past year has been very hard on me,idk about him with some stuff thataffected me bc idk if it did and also part of the prob and why idk if it did affect him is bc he one of those "manly men", no offense guys but one of those who wont tell u when he upset he will keep it in, or atleast most stuff even when u sit there a million times and try n talk to him but he doesnt want to talk.ok so over the past year, he wound up in the hospital due to kidney failure(obviously affected both of us)he was in for 3 months.last april,i drop out if beauty school to be there for him bc they didnt think he was gonna make it,i was supposed to go back in october but i had decided that i wasnt happy doing hair for a living.i would like to become a nail tech and a bartender part time.we also been trying to move in together but between him not working from hospital,me not working when in school, and other stuff we havent been able to.i had been working but some stuff happened etc.i havent been able to find a job for several months and its not like im sitting on my ***,ive applied to hundreds n yes i mean lost count in the hundreds of jobs.ny state isnt a great place to fid a job right now.he always tells me bc i feel bad about it,dont worry about it,i understand its not ur fault etc so i figured obviously hes not mad n understands.as were were arguing he started saying some very hurtful things,i need to grow up n ill learn on my own and that if i want to move in with him i need to prove to him that i can be independent.as i said its not like im sitting on my *** or not trying.if theres no jobs for me then what the hell am i supposed to do,pull a job out of my ***?!?!so that really hurt and also after 5yrs hes telling me i have to prove that to him if i want to move in together when weve been together that long n been trying for a baby over a year,oh and thats another thing thats been upsetting is problems with my ovaries and been trying a year for baby but nothing yet.now weve broken up in the past n he texted me a little while ago saying honestly i think its best i be alone so o tected him back a few times saying that i was sorry n i truly didnt know he was thats upset bc he never said anything and ive tried to talk to him n he never wants to and i would never purposly hurt him or upset him.if i didnt want to be with him i wouldnt atill b here after 5yrs so wtf?!?! I told him also tomorrow im calling the local temp agency again to see if they have anything fir me yet.he never texted me back.the last time we broke up it was a big fight n he said the same thing but we were back together the next day.so idk whats going on right now as he never texted me back after i apologized and everything.but as i said i truly needed to vent n talk to someone :'( im truly hurting right now n been crying for almost 3 hours now n cant stop :'( sorry its so long and i know im orobaly forgetting somethibg but sorry again but thanks for reading.

[lynnsee]

hi there. im sorry you're going through this. I can relate to some extent so I know how you feel. message me anytime you want to talk.

-lynnsee <3

[Babygurly22]

Thanks so mych lynnsee

[lynnsee]

of course. im 19 and been with my bf for 4 years. your bf sounds alot like mine. my bf is probably even worse  -_-  lol

[omhome]

i don't get it.
Why do you young women think so little of yourselves that you would stay with such immature and abusive boys (not men)?
Dump them now. The abuse will only get worse.
Then focus on your own lives---become a woman that a real man---considerate--kind---strong----but no--still maybe doesn't "love" cats---  would be interested in hanging out with.
I know----"i love him so much and he will change" Oh no he won't!
They rarely do.

Choose the positive to add to your life hon.
om

[Babygurly22]

Im sorry lynnsee <3 u can talk to me if u need to too. I promise, obviously im not judemental lol i wont tell u to leave him but i am here for u.i just wish other would realize that he truly is a good man. Hes never done anything like that before ever so idk if somethings going on n it just all boiled over inside him or what but when i say he isnt like that ever he isnt. And i do truly love him.

[Babygurly22]

@omhome...i understand what ur saying n see where ur coming from but honestly hes never done anything like that.weve gotten into fights before(what couple hasnt)but there done the next day. Ive never seen him that angry or upset n weve never fought like that before. And also its not easy after 5 years and 2 years of being engaged to just walk away,especially when youve given that person 5 out of 6 years of u being a teenager.i started seeing him when i was 14 n im now 19. Thats not easy to walk away from especially not when for the past year youve had ur heart broken over and over again by not being able to get pregnant, and when youve been planning to move in together and planning a wedding. We were going to get married in september. Thats not something you can justsay whatever to n walk away from

[lynnsee]

yea, I was 15 when I started dating my bf. I see how hard it is to ever think of being without him after so long. maybe you'll just need some space apart. not to break up, just space. like enough to miss each other and talk when everything is calmed down. my bf keeps everything in too and doesn't talk about it til things get bad. but to avoid fighting, I just leave him alone when he gets upset or annoyed. then things are fine. just like you, I'm pretty sure he cant let go after so long, even if he seems like it. my bf does that too. he claims we'll get married and move in together but not for awhile because we're still so young and have alot left to do. maybe you'll should just pace you'lls selves. there's plenty of time for kids and marriage. just enjoy each other while you'll are still young. <3

[omhome]

i really hope i am wrong babygurly and i am sorry to be so judgmental but i have seen so many young women waste years of their lives waiting for the boyfriend or husband to change. They are in love the man they are waiting for him to become and not the "real" him. Perhaps your boyfriend is different and just needs to learn to express his feelings before they build up into an explosion.  
     I always advise young couples to do some marriage counseling before they get married. You can talk together in a constructive way about "hot" topics like money---how many kids----sharing domestic chores--etc. Before they become problematic and all you do is argue about them. Would your boyfriend go to some counseling. Surely can't hurt. Might clear up some issues and help a lot! So will he do that?  
     Ok i apologize and i am probably wrong babygurl---i hope so hon. Good luck and please keep us posted. Ok?

om

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with the replies you received in the relationships forum.  I think the issue lies in the fact that there are different ambition levels right now, and while I'm sure you have tried to find a job, I think you could have done more to get your schooling started (and I'm not talking about when he was ill), or find a job (or two) that could at least get some money coming in to start moving you the right way.  While there may not be many jobs you WANT or think you're right for, I'm SURE you could find SOME kind of job.  

Sometimes in life, we have to settle for less than we want in order to get where we're going.  I honestly think your BF feels that you aren't as ambitious as he would like, and he's not seeing a lot of effort for you to get going on your life and becoming independent.  From what you've said, it seems like a sore subject that keeps coming up, so obviously it's bothering him.  They are valid concerns.

For yourself, start putting a plan in place for your future...get your schooling figured out (and started if possible) and find some kind of job that will at least have you generating some income.  I think YOU will feel better about yourself as well if you start moving towards independence.  You don't have to have everything figured out and be moved out right away...just start putting the plan in place and working toward the goal of being independent..and don't count on HIM as being your way to independence...you want to make that for yourself, something you'll always have, no matter what.

And, I'll echo what the others said also that it is NOT the time to be trying to make a baby.  You have PLENTY of time for that.  You want certain things out of life (like a career)...it's SO much better if you get all of that put in place before having children.  Children are a wonderful blessing, but they are a LOT of work and a LOT of stress.  No sense in complicating life for yourselves by having a baby now, when maybe in a year or two, you'll both be MUCH more prepared.  

I just don't understand why young people are in such a hurry to have kids.  It seems that everyone is doing it backwards these days (before marriage, before independence) and all they do is pave an extremely difficult path for themselves where they do nothing but struggle to make it work.  Learn from the mistakes others have made, hon...and don't set yourself up to have to struggle.  You will also enjoy motherhood a LOT more if you're better equipped in every way to deal with it.  Understand that none of the above is a personal judgement, but rather advice that is very valid, and general statements about how commonplace and "accepted' it has become to become parents without being better prepared.  People just do not take parenting as seriously as they used to...it's almost become like a status symbol or something.  The decision to start a family should be one CAREFULLY thought out, and planned for (when possible).

My daughter was unplanned (due to failed BC pill), only I was 25 and my hubby was 32 when I got pregnant, both of us with steady, good paying jobs.  Let me tell you though, even at 25, without being fully prepared (we weren't yet married), it was a LOT harder than it had to be.  I would have NEVER done that to myself purposely, and was scared to death when I found out.

Don't let the fight bother you too much, just try to get something out of the things that were said.  I think your BF is really trying to send you a message every time he brings these issues up.  Even if you don't fully agree with what he's saying, he feels strongly about it, and it's obviously a concern...and when you're talking about people in the stage of wanting to start a life together, it can be a deal breaker, you know?

Best to you!

[omhome]

nursegirl is sure right about young folks wanting babies. So many think that having a baby will solve some problems for them! They have something that is theirs--that gives them unconditional love (i think a big one)--that gives them a purpose (and maybe an excuse?) to their lives. That binds them together? Nurse will know more about this----i really like what she shared with you. She is telling you the truth so please listen to what she is saying  and trust her experience. Ok?
    As for me!?...My excuse is that i have three daughters (all healthy and chirpy) so i am "sensitive" as a dad  about boyfriend issues. They have learned not to tell me about arguments etc......so i guess i just ignored what you requested----to just be allowed to vent!!! So i didn't!@ HA!
Just jumped right in and judged away---fixed everything---ya know. Ever seen any dads like that?  So i am sorry again hon----vent away--i'll just listen. Or try. Perhaps.. Maybe. Could happen.
p.s.-----did i mention:  i saw your boyfriend at a strip club? Just sayin'  HA!

om

[omhome]

humor my curiosity----please------
how old are your boyfriends?

[omhome]

did i read it right and he is 22?
I shoulda done my homework----nurse's post "educated" me as to other places you have posted the same thing......i am not used to doing "research" to answer posts. You got some great advice from specialmom (she truly is!) and others at these other sites. What are you looking for here? I think they said what can be said---and what all of us are saying--to focus on your own growth and independence. And please don't have a baby yet hon. I am afraid you are having it for the wrong reasons.
   I did it again but it is so hard to just let you vent when it seems like you are looking for some help.

om

[Babygurly22]

@omhome, no im sorry i wasnt saying u were judgemental and i dont think u are i promise but its just like i said hes never been that way so idk if something happened and something just triggered it and then all of it came out or what bc as i said before hes not that way at all which is what scared me. Hes always so sweet n caring n always there for me no matter what the situation so thats y im so confused. Idk if maybe something happened at work that day or if someone pissed him off idk but i do appreciate ur input

[Babygurly22]

@nursegirl, thank u i do understand what u are saying and for the kids parts we are in a hirry bc of a lot d ovary problems. My doctor wants to do a hysterectomy on me bc of the problems and how much pains it gives me. He wanted to do it last year but i said no i want to be able to try n have a baby first. I have to get it done in the next couple years bc of how bad things are getting so thats why we were and adoption is not an option for either of us as we arent comfortable with it at all we want a child of our own not someone else so thats why we have been trying it was just ok im 19 lets have a baby now, no its because i only have a few years to have one and thats one thing we both truly want it life but we will only have one if it is ours.

[omhome]

i think if you just held one of the babies up for adoption you would fall in love! And i hope you change your mind.
I do not want to scare you but just because the baby is "yours" doesn't guarantee it will be a "good" baby or person.....some babies are born with problems you are not ready for right now......
Quote "perfect" parents sometimes have babies that grow up to be murderers---thieves-0--racist--etc.. you know?
So you are not guaranteed a perfect baby.
However:   Imagine your joy when you give a little soul a Home where both parents love them and chose them. It is a beautiful spiritual and rewarding thing to do. Please give it some thought.
The baby says please too.
om

[nursegirl6572]

Sorry to hear of your medical problems.  Just know that you have options, you need to speak to a fertility specialist.  Eggs can be saved, you can do IVF and use a surrogate, just know that there ARE options.

And while adoption isn't for everyone, it's a wonderful option.  I myself was adopted and consider myself blessed.  My nephew is adopted (from Russia) and is "ours".  Once you have that baby in your arms, it's "yours".  Genetics go right out the window.

I understand it's a difficult situation, just be sure to speak to some specialists before jumping into anything...a fertility one would be first on the list if I were you.

Take care!

[Babygurly22]

Thank you so much everyone for ur answers, you truly dont know how much i appreciate it and it did make me feel better. As of right now i honestly dont know what to do or what im going to do. I feel like i should give him some space and let him think about thing but at the same time, being together 5yrs and if not seeing eachother everyday,talkong on the phone everyday, it kills me to not be able to talk to him or even think about not talkong to him. When i say i never meant to upset him n if i knew he was that upset if he would have just talked to me the god knows how many time i tried to talk to him i would have tried even harder to figure things out and fix them but i had no idea and he didnt even give the slightest hint. Hes mever like this and in the 5yrs we been together ive never heard him yell at me like that or get that angry. I feel horrible but as i said i truly truly truly did not know he felt that way. If he would have just talked to me it could have been sqwashed a long time ago. I think i will give him a few days n see what happens and see if he comes around. If he doesnt its gonna kill me, i love him so much and i didnt put the last 5yrs of my life into being with him for nothing. And if he doesnt and can walk away that easily than that basically says he never really loved me the way i thought he did :'( ive been crying non stop i cant help it. I miss him so much n i love him so much. Ill keep all of u posted with whats going on and as i said u truly have no clue how much ur comments help and make me feel and how much it means to me that someone actually took the time to read my post and leave a comment for me. Thanks you so muchz

[xmelax35]

I got on here to find a place to post my issues I am having right now (someone to talk to) and your post I saw and read of all the posts. At first I thought it was my post from a long while ago, the way it started was so familiar.  I really mean that! I don't think I've posted on here about anything like that (I did post privately to a few people in my FB circle like that though), But i might have posted on here somewhere some stuff about me & my husband (my memory *****). I am telling you it was like it was me! I did read further and realized it was not me bec the rest of your post was different.  

First let me tell you from present experience and past experience, I do know how you feel and what you are going through!  I have had some much much worse issues in the past. It is a long and awful story that still gets me upset and sometimes crying.  Anyway, I am on my iPod right now & will post more or I will private message you (check here first) in a little bit.  I want to be your friend here and although most of our issues are not (my present, your present) or even were not (my past, your present) I still would like to share with you some of what I feel and what I understand with your situation, etc. maybe I will post here and private message you. Talk to you shortly.

[xmelax35]

P.s. I don't know why the above starred blotted out the word I s s u e s when I said memory I s s u e s.  maybe it won't now that I put spaces in between the letters, ha ha.

[xmelax35]

HI, I am back. I actually am not feeling well again at the moment, but I wanted to pop back in. I won't go into what I went though because it would be a book, but I wanted to say some other stuff. I know that it hurts, that it hurts bad, but eventually you will bounce back from it. Sometimes it takes awhile, but in time it will pass (the hurt). Do you think it was more the baby issue than anything? Are you sure it is your ovaries (I might have missed where you discussed that, if you did). I had endometriosis and cysts and I was told I probably would never have kids because I was always having it and always having surgeries. Well I ended up having one ovary removed and the endo and all of a sudden out of the blue I got pregnant. He is my only child but I think of him as my miracle child.

If what I say doesn't make sense it is my brain problems (horrible concentration). Maybe give him a little time and then try to talk things out. Check on that temp place, and if you can afford it check with the gyno and then talk to him. Could there be something else bothering him? If he had never been this way before, maybe he has something going on.

I knew what I was going to say at first and now I don't. I am sorry about that. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand I want to say just let him go, but on the other hand, I want to say have space between you both and then if you 2 don't work things out, then it is not meant to be. Only you can make the decision, though. I do know that time can heal the heart.  If you give him a few days, and then see if he wants to meet and talk things out, then go from there and see if it might be better to spend time away from each other.  I have to get off here for now (pain), but I hope that you are feeling better.  Just keep yourself busy and maybe keeping real busy the tears won't have time to flow. I wish you luck and if I can remember what I was going to say, I will come back and send you a message.

[Babygurly22]

@xmelax...idk i honestly dont know. Idk if maybe something pissed him off at work or something else pissed him off idk but half hour before that everything was fine. But im not willing to just sit here n give ip the last 5yrs of my life for nothing. I think i should give him a few days n see where it goes n what happens but i know its going to kill me if we cant fix it. I love him so much. Last year when he was in the hospital i sat next to him for 3 months having doc after doc tell me they didnt think he was going to make it, watching him go and come from surgeries, feeding him, helping him to the bathroom, watching then stick him with needles over and over everyday, obviously i care and obviously if i didnt care n didnt love him ir want to be with him i wouldnt have done all that and i would be with him 5yrs n want to work things out. If i didnt i would say fine go idc but thats not the case. And if he can sit there n say idc im sorry but thats f****d up. But honestly idk what to do at this point except give him some space and hope that it works out and we can fix it. Thanks so much for ur comment.