I'm living in my own personal hell.

[Lemia99]

Not sure I'm in the right forum but here goes: about four months ago I met this guy who was 17 at the time and I'm 15 so we talked and got kind of close but not enough to the point I felt comfortable to do any type of sexual activity since I only knew him for about two weeks. And considering my moms strict and gets paranoid about some guy raping me I snuck behind her back and invited the guy over to my house to hang out or talk or whatever. But that wasn't what happened. He was making me do sexual things I wasn't comfortable with. One of the things he made me do is manual sex.. From what I remember he told me he didn't ejaculate ( sorry if I spell that wrong)  but I did feel something squirt onto my right hand but it wasn't on my fingertips just on the space of my finger. So I'd say about an hour after that I guess I masturbated something I do just once in a while.. Stupid I know please don't judge me.. But I used the same hand. And I've freaked out about pregnancy ever since. I've had three periods since then and still freak out. I've gone to the doctors and emergency ever since I haven't told them my irrational fear of pregnancy because I don't want to be looked at as if I'm crazy.. But I've had stomach problems probably because of the stressing out but I can't help it. I've looked online to calm my nerves and it hasnt helped or it would help but then I freak out even more. My stomach is soft yet hard and it freaks me out thinking it's a sign of pregnancy so I haven't eaten too much because I fear the thought of having that baby bump even when I know according to scarleteen I haven't had a pregnancy risk. I have finally told my mom what happened except the part of letting the guy into my house because I know how upset she would be. But she told me to stop freaking out because its impossible and I told her I need some help from a professional but she said they would get police involved and ask how did it happen and where was my mom when it happened so I'm not sure but for my stomach problems my doctor sent me to do an abdominal ultrasound and I haven't gotten a call back about it.. And scarleteen was nice enough to tell me to call a rape crisis center which I have and I felt a lot better after but now I'm back to where I started. I feel like crap. I just want it to be February or March already so that when I see no baby popping out I'll probably calm down.. Can someone please tell me what to do..

[Lemia99]

I'm not even sure what to expect from a mental clinic.

[Lemia99]

The thing is I KNOW how pregnancy can and can't happen but one minute I think I'm perfectly fine and know its impossible to be pregnant but then I end up having doubts. I've talked to my mom about getting some type of help with this and the doctor has told me "I'll refer you to a mental clinic after we get everything done" such as the blood tests (which I haven't done yet because I hate needles.) And the abdomen ultrasound.. And I'm not interested in any sexual activity. I know that because I get extremely terrified to do something with a guy so Ive always ended up backing out.

[Paxiled]

What you need is education about how women get pregnant, to start with.  Since you sound like you're getting to the point of wanting sexual experiences you also need to learn how to protect yourself.  And you need the self assurance to say no.  So I think your instinct that you need to talk to a professional is a good one, given that nobody has apparently taught you about these things yet.

[Kermit the Hermit]

I said your fine

i said you checked it all out and are having periods your fine

i said dont let guys push you around

dont be so fast at 15 to jump into sexual activity's thats how kids get pregnant young

you may regret not saving yourself for the right person i sure do

I said no man has the right to force or push a woman into doing things they dont want to

I said masturbation is normal

15 and up and before i did it couple times a day

it shows you your likes and dislikes and can help down the road

good luck take care

[Lemia99]

?

[Kermit the Hermit]

loose the guy men have no right to force women its your choice

and your fine you checked and it would show by now

and as Dr. Ruth would say masturbation is natural and fun

hey dont report me google or you tube it

or report dont bother me kids need to know its ok

man when i was young i well we wont go to my child hood