Introducing myself

[bernie40]

I've joined this forum as I have anxiety and panic attacks.  I was dx bipolar II a few years ago which seems to have become the focus of my gp and psych, so I'm not really getting any help with the other stuff.

My anxiety and panic attacks do affect (sp) my day to day life, I tend not to go out on my own and I avoid social situations like the plague and some days I am even incapable of driving my car.  It affects my confidence more than I care to admit.

I used to be a very confident, outgoing sort of person and I can still be that way when I am in the midst of a "high", the medication has reduced my "highs" though.

I get the dizziness, nausea, heart palpitations and I can honestly say I do run and hide.  My coping mechanism has been sleep but I can't even seem to do that anymore.  I shut myself away and only go out if someone can come with me, I even get anxious about walking to the school to pick my youngest up and I feel so pathetic that I am like that.

I have tried the deep breathing and the convincing myself that nothing bad is going to happen etc etc but it just doesn't seem to work.

I do think a lot of it is down to my high expectations of myself which I then think others will have the same high expectations.  With the BP issues I am unable to be constant and I therefore avoid making new friends because I know at some point I will let them down - this is fact due to my mood swings.  This is where the CBT seemed to be not helping, how can I change my behaviour when I never know from one day to the next what my mood is going to be.

I do hope (because I am an optimist at heart) that once my BP is stable I can then work towards sorting out my anxiety.  I seem to be fighting it daily and to be honest its wearing!

So that's me - well part of me

Helen

[bernie40]

Thank you for all of your positive comments.  I will continue to keep making myself do the things that panic me, I am worried that I will end up agrophobic if I don't get a grip on things now.

I am seeing my pdoc next Tuesday and will try again to get her to understand how this is all affecting me and that the bipolar medication alone is not helping.  If I don't get anywhere then I have made the decision to see my doctor and ask to be referred to a different pdoc.

I currently take tegretol for my mood swings - early days on this medication and I'm not on the full dose yet.  I also take zopiclone to help me sleep - i've been on this for 18 months and it isn't working as well as it did, something else I need to discuss with the docs.

So as always I shall keep on trying and thank you for your support.

Helen

[RubyWitch]

Many of us understand that the health care systems in other countries are not quite up to par with ours. (Not that ours is anything to write home about) But.........it sounds to me like you need to start from square one with a new set of docs. Your old ones seem to be letting your knickers flap about in the breeze! It sounds like you aren't on the right meds for your condition and if you don't like your therapist, I guarantee you won't get ANYWHERE on that front. It is massively important to like and trust your therapist. I don't know how large a town/city you live in is, but hopefully you have access to more than just the docs you've been seeing. If that IS the case, how far away is the biggest city? Out of the question to travel to? If not, go there and seek new doctors even if it means a bit of a slog to get there, it will be worth it in the long run.
Also sounds to me like you are working yourself into becoming an agoraphobic which is a total dead end..........you simply cannot allow that to happen. As scaredjo so wisely put it, you must keep forcing yourself to do things, every single day, no matter how you feel.......each little step is a step towards getting your life back. Praising yourself is great! Keep doing that as our brains will respond to positive feedback even if it is US saying it!
What you are dealing with is fixable or at the very least, highly treatable. Don't let that FACT ever get away from you!
Stay very pro-active in your health care, be it physical or mental. If something isn't working for you, go back and demand you and they try something else.
You WILL over come this but you need to stay strong which I know you are because you've come to us and that takes nerves of steel for many of us.........reaching out is one of the best signs that you want to feel better!
Stay in touch as often as you want or need.........we are always here!
Peace
Greenlydia
  

[scaredjo]

get back on with the therapy im sure you will see sum progress if you ever need a chat PM me anytime be good :-) x

[bernie40]

I'm so glad you said that (for purely selfish reasons because obviously I would rather you were well), just another twist of my personality is my impatience, lol, I want everything "now" (gosh I sound like a selfish brat now).

The CBT was stopped, I did not get on with the therapist, I am supposed to be getting an appointment for some group therapy but haven't heard anything yet, I really should ring up about it.

I will keep on facing my demons and remaining positive (on good days that is, lol)

Thank you xx

[scaredjo]

no hun you are doing nothing wrong at all, infact you are doing very well forcing yourself to do things, i no it feels like you are banging your head against a wall but it will get easier!! how long have you been in CBT? i swear i have been going through this on and off for 14 yrs i started CBT in december and its jus beginning to help me, yeah i have good days which are brilliant but the bad ones are awful.
sometimes i feel so confident then i get a symptom and everything messes up. its all about positive thinking its our brains that need help not our bodies. and you are really brave making yourself do things i had phases were i never moved off the couch.

[bernie40]

hi, that's just it though, I do make myself do stuff like drive to my friends house in the evening even though I panic about driving in the dark, and I hoped that the more I did it the less I would panic, but I still panic???  I also make myself go out on my own but again it doesn't seem to make it any easier the next time.

I tell myself nothing bad is going to happen that i've done it before and nothing bad happened, I pat myself on the back for doing it but none of this seems to be helping.  Am I doing something wrong?

Sorry to sound negative, I do keep trying.

[scaredjo]

hiya i used to be a confident person, people cant believe what i go through i have severe health anxiety surrounding my heart which stops me doing day to day things same as you. although i must admit CBT is helping me a lot but i do still have bad days. the thing is tou need to learn to be your own therapist even though things scared you just try doing them see what happens, i no its seems like your doing the impossible but just give it a go