Is this just Anxiety & OCD Fears? Please help, going crazy

[Hbrower]

Well first off this is my first year attending college and It's been pretty stressful I must say. I see a normal psychiatrist who told me this is all caused from Anxiety and Irrational fears. Looking back on my life I have always been sorta a worrier, a little shy and anxious.

Let me start off my saying I have had worries like this in the past before about my physical health, but in time they have past due to being so busy in high school. Nowadays in college, I am not as busy and things have been going downhill. About a month ago I had some weird panic attack out of the blue and it must have triggered my anxiety. Ever since, I have been worrying constantly. What is bothering me the most is Derealization and Depersonalization, I feel as though I am living in a dream world, nothing feels real. It's quite weird and it's bothering me lately. Other symptoms I have are fatigue, brain fog, and short temper because I am just so over feeling this way, and lastly a very hard time falling asleep because my mind is constantly worrying which sends me into an Anxiety Attack.

Lately for the life of me, I CANNOT stop thinking that I have Schizophrenia or Bi Polar. It is worrying me like CRAZY. Every time I start feeling better and back to normal, the thought of having one of these mental illnesses will pop into my head and really get me down. I worry about it all day long, and I keep checking my symptoms online which contributes to me feeling this way for sure. I just cant get the thought off my mind for the life of me, no matter what I'm doing, it's on my mind that at any second I'll start hearing voices or have to be admitted to a mental hospital. I just feel like I'm going absolutely crazy because of these thoughts. Deep down, I know I probably don't have either of these Illnesses but I don't know, I am adopted so I have no family back round at all, which adds to the worry even more. I just wish there was someway to know for sure if I had either of these or not :(

This last weekend I went out socializing with friends, had a few beers, and just relaxed. The worries completely left and I was having such a great night with my friends and I felt so good. I mean they'd pop up maybe once or twice and I didn't feel completely normal but nothing like how when I'm at home. Whenever I'm with friends I can smile and just act like my normal outgoing self. But when I'm alone, I constantly worry about having a mental Illness and it's really irritating me :( I seriously have convinced myself that I have Schizophrenia or Bi Polar disorder despite what my parents, and psychiatrist says.

Any advice would help right now

[Sai75]

Yes it is happening to me, My BP and pulse remains good when I check at home for some reason it goes up in Dr's office, Any good suggestions to overcome this

[specialmom]

They call that white coat syndrome.  To be sure, they sometimes will do a wearable monitor that tracks what your heart is doing for several days.  Before they take your BP at the doctor's office, you can sit with your feet flat on the floor, think of a soothing image like a beach or a happy, relaxing memory.  This helps.  What does your doctor say about it?

[Paxiled]

Just to elaborate, what Mom is telling you is that this is extremely common and not something to worry about.  Docs usually factor this in.  If it were dangerously high, your doc would tell you that.  Next time you get your exam, try some deep breathing or short meditation or go right after some exercise that relaxes you and see if it doesn't make a difference.  

[intrsrchng]

Hello all, I'm responding a few years on from the original post...

Of course, I feel the same as most of you apparently do. Since I was a teenager I worried that I might become schizophrenic, bipolar, borderline, or what have you. I have even obsessively worried that I had narcissistic personality disorder, even though I am always pretty humble and conscientious of others, just as most people are. It's just crazy how this anxiety can convince you of your worst fears!

Last night, I had a bought of insomnia. I randomly woke up at 3 am, and couldn't get back to sleep, so I just started reading the news, etc... Soon my thoughts shifted to my future, the things I am trying to accomplish in life, etc. I started to have reassuring thoughts towards myself and my worries about the future. I started to think like "of course I'll be all right. I have survived and achieved a lot so far. I can probably do anything that I really want to do, etc..." It then struck me that those thoughts mimicked what I've read of hypomania in bipolar II. This launched me into some pretty heavy anxiety, that has now lasted until the next night.

I did manage to get a couple hours of sleep last night after that moment of anxiety, and I woke up feeling really lousy and lethargic. I have felt like crap all day.

This leads me to assume that I am likely not on the bipolar spectrum. I never have prolonged periods of hyperactivity and excitement, I certainly never have decreased need for sleep. I get insomnia maybe once a month or so, but I always feel once I have to get up for work. No one has ever commented that I seem especially "up" sometimes or anything, and I also seldom experience prolonged depressions. I get moments of it here and there, that's it.

I also have had several psychologists throughout my life due to my traumatic childhood, and none of them ever diagnosed me as having bipolar or even depression.

So, all signs point to not bipolar, yet my anxiety will NOT let me let go of the possibility. It keeps telling me NO it's there and I am just fooling myself...

It's exhausting. I feel for all you out there who also struggle with this type of anxiety.

May we all calm down and relax... haha

[friendlyneigborhoodako]

Think about happy memories. Life is beautiful. Medication only cure symptoms not the anxiety itself. Free yourself from stress. Don't overthink too much. I know it's hard, but I know you can. Exercise,socialize more,have time with family and friends,talk to them,go out. Life is beautiful and so are you. Remember anxiety is not a mental illness. You just over think too much. You're a wonderful person. Smile always.

[pauls8]

hi      it may sound odd but  there is a great on line group     Freedom from fear group,   teaches you how o deal with all of this,   and how you get to see it is a bluff,  a trick of the mind that we are buying into!!!        by  NOT giving it any notice, you are not giving it power over you, you learn
to let it me there while you carry on slowly not giving it any attention,   not easy,    . you don't fuel it and it cant build   therefore it gives up and slowly dissipates,    do this enough and you will find it comes less and less until it is just a distant memory/    This is the method,    Face it,   accept you have it,   FLOAT  and carry on, let time pass.   remember that any thoughts that aren't serving you means you are in a set back and need to use the method,  you will know when you are out of the setback as you are clear again,   each time you achievethis take courage and confidence that you are chipping away at your demon and it will one day  be know more.    don't be put off that it comes and goes, you are moving forwards and one day will be no more

[graciehurley]

*describable;

[graciehurley]

i had the same thing it is because you have worked on your ocd before and know what is real and what is not your ocd is trying to attack you in any way that it can even if its not desirable which is the one way it is trying to get to me now its knows its too easy to make you upset how it used to because you know the truth so its finding anyway to confuse you

[graciehurley]

this is ocd and it confuses you by feelings and false thoughts that you know are false but you can't stop thinking about them and i have ocd and asking others once you know its ocd for reassurance makes it worse even though it feels impossible and you still will some of the time. i went through treatment and recently it came back really badly everything i see or watch somehow morphs into having to do with my ocd and with my friends i can not think about it. When i was in treatment at ucla my therapist who also had ocd made a great comparison to what ocd can be like it is like if you touch a hot stove you know its gonna burn for a second but you can't help but touching it thats what thinking about a bad or intrusive thought is like you know its gonna make you upset but you have to think about it

[YungGud321]

I had the exact same experience. i got really socially anxious when i smoked weed. I have stopped now. And now my biggest fear is schizophrenia. I constantly try and relate all the symptoms to myself so i can notice it occurring in me.I study Psychology at university so that probably doesn't help as i am constantly reading about the issue. Its a fact that weed can bring out anxiety in people. For me it brought out my social anxiety. I was bullied as a child and through my teens and always been worried about what people think of me. I know deep down i am not schizophrenic. And i know you do to as well. Bare that in mind. If you are aware that yours worries and thoughts are wrong and abnormal then you don't have schizophrenia. With that illness you lose touch with reality. With anxiety your grasp on reality is too strong. That's why you worry about it. Find help in a therapist and your family and friends. I hope things work out for you

[JustWantToFeelBettee]

Has anyone on here has a good recovery

[Scott_Ingram1969]

Hey I totally feel your pain!  I do the same.  I ruminate over and over in my head all my supposed "problems", and i'm too much in my own head.  I find if i'm distracted with friends, or exercise, those thoughts don't creep into my head for me to analyze over and over until i'm going crazy with worry.  I realized this when I have fun, I'm not worried.  And, my life keeps going on the same as usual, whether i worry or not.
So i've been trying to find some words of wisdom, a mantra, if you will, that i can say to myself when i start being too much in my own head, analyzing everything too much.  I'm still looking for that mantra, but I am trying to talk myself down on my own, and trying to incorporate fun things in my life to do instead of letting my mind go crazy all by myself...

hope this helps!

[paininarsewife]

not everything is hereditary sometimes its about the kind of person you are not where you came from, because  my mum used to say she was diagnosed with manic depression when she was 13, I found out she wasn't she just wanted attention from her parents, just like I did when I became a teenager, my parents divorced when I was 3 and I recall new dad, new half brother by the time I was 6, I used a broken marriage to get what I wanted when I started to get smart, I have never had any fears till I had a child at 21 was abused by her father mentally and a little physically now I take medication for anxiety. as Ive grown up slowly and realised that my parents were too young to give advise and I've worried about my mental health but what I know is if youre worried about it 0-10 chance is if you think you're hearing voices other than words of wisdom then tell the doctor the truth, my friend wont talk to me after 20 years because she thinks I have been colluding with the government about her. she has phsycosis. x

[renee4020]

so, my dad a scitzo, im in a treatment program, the other day I started worrying about what if I end up like my dad, & by me having the thoughts the next Moring I woke up & I couldn't figure out why I felt like I thought I was going crazy, it just repeated over & over again in my mind , im 16 & I know im not crazy but my mind jumps around & makes me think I seriously am goin crazy its very scary, im glade I found out why I thought that, but now I gotta find a solution !!

[renee4020]

so, my dad a scitzo, im in a treatment program, the other day I started worrying about what if I end up like my dad, & by me having the thoughts the next Moring I woke up & I couldn't figure out why I felt like I thought I was going crazy, it just repeated over & over again in my mind , im 16 & I know im not crazy but my mind jumps around & makes me think I seriously am goin crazy its very scary, im glade I found out why I thought that, but now I gotta find a solution

[ramone_]

Hey man, calm down.

The first thing you should do is stop comparing yourself to hbrower. It doesn't matter if you are not adopted or live in an apartment like him. Try not to look for 'reasons' why you have your fears, because there are non other than that you worry too much and want excessive certainty of what's going on.

I feel quite a lot better now than when I wrote my story. Once you can look at your thoughts and fears from a distance you can see what nonsense it is you were thinking and what ridiculous links you make between thoughts and reality.
I know it is very hard to get to that point, but the way to start is to let go of your need for an absolute answer. Accept the fact that you have a scary thought and do nothing with it. For me it helps if you just say to yourself "well maybe it is true, I don't know" Try to challenge your thought like that and let it be. Try to get yourself distracted, listen to some music, read an article about something you find interesting, have a conversation with someone, take a walk in the sunshine, go cooking, running, exercise. I find exercise quite helpful because when you are physically exhausting yourself the mind doesn't really have time to think that much.
Key factor for overcoming OCD is to distract yourself from your crazy mind. LIVE your life, don't THINK it. Eventually you don't care anymore that you have weird thoughts. You've had them before all this happened but you didn't care then ;)

Hope this helps.

[Pfeb]

And also i think something bad will happen :(. Im scared! Help us all. Thnkz. Like i said me and hbrower are the some what same it all started in a weird panic attack. But i am not an adapted child. And doesnt live in apartment like him.

[Pfeb]

Hi hbrower? Are you ok now? Its been two years since you posted this..and anyone from here are you all ok now??

[Pfeb]

Mine all started just as the same with Hbrower, excluded are the things that he went to mental hospital, i dont hear things like he did, i never take any medications nor to a psych.. It just that i have a relative whod gone almost crazy because of drugs but hes ok i think..hed just showed symptoms of crazy addict sometimes like, he feels ghosts, he want to learn withchcraft etc. Thats why i think i  am like him.. I think i see ghost too, though i know im not. Any diognosis for all of us? It disturbs me a lot. Thanks.

[ramone_]

Hey guys,

I recognize so many of your stories and I'd like to share mine with you.

For me it started about 5 years ago when I was 17. It started with the sudden thought of not being in love with my girlfriend anymore (relationship OCD). The thought popped up in my mind and somehow it felt so real but I knew it wasn't. It made me sick and anxious and I started obsessing about what 'true love' is. From then on it went all downhill. I started thinking of blowing up shopping centres with bombs, knifing people, or hurting myself. Thinking of being gay, pedophile, bestiality, having sex with family members, you name it. Also feeling detached from myself as well. I had CBT for about 1,5 year (no medication) and things slowly went better until I convinced myself it was 'gone'. Of course the thoughts weren't gone but they were not stressing anymore and were a lot less frequent. Eventually I even forgot I had them, so therefore it was over.

But five months ago I moved to Amsterdam and right before I moved I suddenly had a thought about being gay and it grabbed hold of me again. It was actually then when I found out that it is called OCD or 'pure-o', because I googled stuff like 'fear of thoughts' and 'fear of being gay'.
However it got worse and my thoughts started to get more and more crazy. I've also had the bipolar/schizophrenia/borderline/aspergers/ADD/ADHD/depression stuff.

But there is something different going on now. Sometimes I would just have a thought accompanied by fear and I don't even know what it's about, or in other words my thought is too elaborate or too vague to put to words and it causes me the worst anxiety of all. I feel as if thoughts and feelings lose their meaning and it's just very confusing. It really feels as if something is completely wrong inside my head and it causes me to check online even more for symptoms but i can't find any because I can't even describe what it feels like. Even now I don't even really understand what I am saying and that is what makes it even more frustrating. I'm connecting thoughts and feelings in ways that don't make sense. I'm thinking it has something to do with depersonalization/derealisation and I think I have that at times. I'm probably thinking too much about thinking, and 'what a thought is' and 'how do I know I am having a thought?' and 'how do I know if I agree or disagree with a thought?' Basically focusing too much on a thought or feeling until it loses its meaning and becomes something you cannot understand.

Even this weird thing happened to me: I would have a random thought, then I would think 'no this is just a thought and not real' and right after I was thinking that, I would think the exact same thing about that thought until it evolved into a rapid vicious cycle. E.g; "thought>no just thought not real>no also just thought not real>no also just thought not real>etc."   Do I even make sense? Haha, I feel crazy even writing this down but in my head it made sense and kept going on for while and caused extreme anxiety.

Fortunately I do believe I'm getting better every week, because my anxiety has lessened in both frequency and intensity. I can't really say how or why, but I guess I somehow managed to tell myself not to worry and check too much and that things will probably go back to normal. (That's also something I obsess about, 'Is this something severe or does paying no attention to it make it go away?')

Anyways, I could write an entire book about other thoughts and feelings I obsess about and don't understand, but that would get me nowhere because it would only make things more complicated and I would sink in it even more. I even believe that coming here and sharing my story with others is in fact a big fat compulsion and causes me to obsess more, so I'm gonna do something else now ;)

Sorry if my story is vague and poorly put together but it's pretty chaotic in my head sometimes.

I wish everyone luck with his/her struggle.

[935cs]

Its been a few several weeks since I've been feeling the same way, and all was triggered though a panic attack. I also constantly worry about how my heart, and lungs especially since I used to be a smoker, I worry that I will have lung cancer or a heart attack. Its difficult to socialize with friends because I become fearful at the sight of substances, so I remain staying in and trying to find a solution to fix the adrenal fatigue, anxiety, and OCD. One thing that I did find that helped somewhat is taking Omega-3's. So I hope this helps someone :)

[blonddraider]

I can't understand why I get anxiety and edgy and anxious most every day for no real reason. My brain feels weird it gets stuck am the thoughts feel familiar but aren't realty its very scarey. I have a lump stuck in throat most days and I am freaked out because I know I am talking myself into it. I feel like I am going craZY my brain feels like it is unraveling or bouncing and its damaged. I try to calm.myself but I can't seem to. I thought I was having a heart attack, had bunch test all came back normal. On xanax 0.25 1/2 to whole times twice I have been 1/2 three times just started cellexa today is day 5. I'm just scared please anyone.

[Nicskuz07]

HELPPPPPP EVERYONE
Hey everyone I was hoping someone can please help I'm going thru a hard hard time.

So the other day I smoked some weed and I got super high. I started to trip and have horrible thoughts and feeling while high. My mind was racing and I couldn't control it, and I started questioning what is life and is it real and who am I and I was so freaked out. Even since then I have felt like I've been in a fog, I feel like nothing's real. I keep researching on the Internet because I am afraid that the weed has permententlly made me like this. I have all this anxiety and now keep Having panic attacks because all I keep thinking about is "am I going crazy?!" Or what's wrong with me! My mind keeps having these negative and weird thoughts and feelings. My head will pin and ill feel weird and then ill start to think maybe I'm going crazy, maybe I'm developing mental illnesses. I have suffered from panic attacks and have been on anxiety medicane before. I am just curious how to get back to being my normal self. I want to stop worrying all day if I'm going crazy. I want to get back into my normal state of mind. I'm so scared and I don't want to die or anything. Please help! Thanks!

[ocdmeyou]

My comment is probably to late for this post, but I will respond for the others who are suffering with the same thing. First off I just want to let you know that OCD and anxiety come hand and hand. Depression can also arise with the helplessness that you feel. I come from a family that suffers from OCD and let me just start off by saying medication does not help. The side effects of these medications can make OCD and anxiety even worst. My mother suffers from OCD and WAS on medication that messes with her nervous system and caused permanent damage to it. Along with suicidal thoughts and bi polar behavior that the medication actually caused, she flushed the medication down the toilet. You have remember that the people who prescribe these harmful medications are only doctors who are quick to make a buck and probably have never suffered from this debilitating disorder. You need a holistic doctor, go to Whole Foods (look it up), and start yourself on PURE vitamin B's. start on low dosage and increase slowly. Do  this with a holistic doctor. Medicine doctors believe in what they practice: medicine. Inform yourself on documentarys on doctors who have cured depression, other mental illnesses, and cancers with change of diet and vitamins. It does not help right away, but will help in the long run. You will have better control. I also suffer from OCD, sever OCD, and have suffered with it since I was five. I was worried that when my parents would walk out the door, they wouldn't come back. Then I was scared I wouldn't wake up if I fell asleep which made for very very long nights at the age of 9. At 11 I became worried that someone would break in and I check the doors and windows over and over for thirty min. until I could convince myself that the doors were actually locked. Then I thought there was going to be a fire or a carbon leak, and started checking ovens and the basement over and over everyday. At thirteen-fifteen, it got progressively worst. I thought I was going to kill my family or sexually asult someone. I knew I wasn't going to do any of these things, but I thought I was. These bad thoughts were vivid and gruesome and I thought I was going to actually act out these horrific scenes. Some nights I would stare at my hands and know that they are actually in front of me but think I'm doing something bad. I'd look myself in the room because I thought I would hurt someone. Today I found this site on my 13yr old sisters iPod, who happens to be sleeping right now. She is scared of the same thing that you are. She thins she has schizophrenia. Another thing that will help is having someone you trust and a deeply understanding person to talk to that will counter your thoughts. A deeply understanding person and a good diet will change you. At 21, im living breathing proof that this will work. I still have OCD but I can control it. What I will tell my sister and what I will tell you is that someone suffers with schizophrenia will not think they have schizophrenia! Nor will they loose sleep about it. Remember that and counter those thoughts

[Shawad]

Hi joe

I am suffering from more or less the same thing as you. I am diagnosed with OCD, panic disorder and morbid depression. I have more or less had it all my life although I was only really diagnosed with it in 2005. I had a minor successful spell of CBT in 2005, but I think that was in part to the realisation of finally being diagnosed with the illness which helped to relieve some anxiety. Within the period of respite I have been successful and built up a large company which employs over 500 members of staff, so there is hope for all OCD suffers out there. However due to the recent stress I have had a severe relapse and its all based on the same issue with what you seem to be
dealing with. I just have this thought going over and over in my head that I am never going to be able to distract myself from OCD, I don't even have a particular intrusive thought which comes with it, just the constant fear of having OCD and I will never pull myself away from it and when I do try to distract myself I just have an overwhelming fear of anxiety and then depression, which then leads to severe panic disorder feeling like there is no hope and I'm going crazy. Things are really tough at the moment.

[joewest87]

I have a different version of this habit, it comes during boring and solitary times of my life but this time really feels like its not gonna go. I can only describe it as a fear over what I fear. As in, I keep having thoughts that this habit is not going to fade away this time and that I have changed since this time last year etc. It involves thoughts such as deja vu of times when I was 'normal', fearful impulses that the habit is here to stay now, as well as fearful thoughts of my future tainted by this habit. The worst part is that whenever one of these thoughts enter my mind, I have to immediately work out how and why it did so, in order to clarify that it doesn't mean a new 'revelation' of the habit getting worse than it already is. If I forget what the thought was then I usually end up in a panicked state for hours on end, unallowed to sleep or focus on anything else until it is remembered, even though I know in my head that it was just another thought. I also have this weird kind of automatic hate for people and even things I see on TV. It seems the more attention I give these habits, the stronger they are and more likely they are to occur. The trouble is that they are so frequent at times, that its more of a constant 'state' rather than recurring thought patterns. Anyone out there relating to this at all?