Panic Disorder

[IFeelCrazy]

I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder about a little over and a year and a half ago....I feel awful every day here are some symptoms.

1. Random Panic Attacks~~ Mostly when I'm alone.
       i think i know why this is ..when i was 14 a man in an apartment complex near where i lived died in his apartment and no one knew unitl the smell started bother other people in the complex...it never bugged me until I was 18..when i had my first attack. Since i felt like i was dying I just thouhgt of how awful it would be to die alone.

2. Fear of another attack...not so much when its going to happen but where..i dont want it to be in public or if something really important is going on..i go to conferences for my organization and it would be awful if it happened there but i most certainly wouldnt want to be alone

3. Fear of Impending Doom....not just during an attack but all the time...its boarderline hypocondrasis and I over read any physical symptom and i know that but it dosent make it any better. I fear neurodegenerative disorders the most but anything to do with the heart and the brain freak me out My brain is my everything and i hate the idea of it acting against me

4. Body twitches... mostly in bed

5. Feeling antsy

6. Weird eye symptoms...this freaks me out the most..i feel like the walls are kinda twitching or i see spots sometimes increase in floaters

7. Sometimes tingling in limbs

8. Sometimes feel dizzy or lightheaded..sometimes i tihnk im just going to pass out and never wake back up

9. Hypervegilence...sometimes i feak out because i think im hallucinating because that would be a sign of severe brain issues but than i realize its just something/someone moving in the cornor of my eye or im cathcing a reflecting.

10. Derealization..always happens right before an attack but sometimes happens just because and i hate it so much

When it started i felt like i was going to die like i demanded an MRI and EEG because i thought for sure somehing was wrong with my brain..well i guess in a way something is wrong i mean Panic Disorder is related to neurotransmitters and the sympathtic nervous system (I'm also a psych major..one more year and i have my major finished makes it kind of ironic) Now...

Its like everyday is bad and when i have attack it ruins my day..i just had one at noon...its 4:35 and i still dont feel 100%

My family and boyfriend are having a hard time hadling it I mean i still go out and do things and I doing great at school and have a great job and i need to keep busy but when im not busy things are bad and whe i have a panic attack they just dont know what to do and its even worse because now my boyfriend has this job which is great and I'm very happy for him but I'm alone all the time ...its torture. I'm sure at times my family and boyfriend think I'm kinda crazy and they dont take me totally seriously...I feel like I'm out of control..thinking about it and typing it write now puts me to tears...Please anyone out there if you feel anything like this tell me so I dont feel like I'm the only one If you have PD i sympathize with you and i would love to hear your story.

[daliverance]

I developed panic attacks after stopping zoloft and up until then I had no idea what they felt like. Mine are so powerful and no matter what I do I cannot stop this alarm system going off in the pitt of my stomach. Am I going crazy? I am 50 years old.

[tia77]

Normal - all your feelings are my feelings so I say it's "our" normal.  You are doing everything right by keeping your schooling going.  Your job and social life.  It's hard I know and I struggel just like you every day.  I am considering medicine also.  I use xanax now if I go into a panick attack.  I know I need an everyday medince because I can't rely on xanax.  You sound strong and you will get this under control just like I will.  I am in talk therapy and she said I could try to do it with or without medicine but I am now leaning towards the medince.  Like you the alone time or night time is the worse part. When I keep myself busy my mind is off the "bad" and when i'm home on down time is when it gets really bad.  Hope all goes well with you and like MrGreen said go down to the old posts and you will actually laugh because what they are saying is exactly how you are feeling.  Good Luck.

[MrGreen]

There's a big stigma attached to any sort of mental illness. We think about what others would think if they knew all our problems. So we tell as few people as possible. For fear of what they might think. You are far from going mad. Still as sane as the rest of us. Your boyfriend and family should be supportive of you in your time of need. Look after number 1 first. Number 1 is yourself. Forget what others think. Trust me if we were to worry what others thought about us we wouldn't be still here. That should be the least of your worries. But it is common to think that way as you try and make sense of the whole situation in your own head. I think normal changes by the day. Just do your best for now. That's about all you can do. About all any of us can do. If people are not happy with that, then to hell with them. My way of looking at it. But you are doing good even writing the posts here on the forum. Clearing your mind out some. That alone helps. So well done for that.

[IFeelCrazy]

You're right its hard..its really hard and i try to do everything right and i know i have improved but i just really wish sometimes that i could just go to sleep wake up and everything would be normal..and the truth is i dont even know what normal feels like anymore..I've tried meds ..they prefer for me to try new ones over the summer so im going to start another trial run soon..on what i dont know. Its just feel like i need to have control of things..its my personality but with this i feel like i have hardly any control and I'm in a point in my life right now that i cant let this bother me..im going to grad school  soon i need to have this under control and I just dont not to mention I get the feeling that my boyfriend and fmaily feel that im not stable and even somewhat crazy. Maybe I'm paranoid but it feels like that..is that normal???

[MrGreen]

There are thousands of people like you out there. All fighting the same condition. Just flick around the forum and old posts. You will see a lot of what you wrote in other posts from other people. So you are far from alone. The thing with panic attacks, once we let them set in, is we tend to expect them to happen. Be it at a certain time or in a certain place. This would be our triggers. As it happened there before it is like we are waiting for it to happen again. Once we do that, it won't let us down. It will always happen. That is why they say it is important to try and learn how to change the thoughts we have. We shouldn't be expecting them to happen. But it is just embedded deep within. But once we learn a few methods not to think about them they can go away. Far from easy. If it was that easy nobody would have them. But with a lot of practice and determination you can beat the disorder. May need some medication to help you. But medication is only part of the answer. A small part of the answer at that. The real work comes from us. Putting ourselves out there in harms way. With the knowledge that nobody has ever died from a panic attack. The first thing we do when we panic? Run. Begin to fight. But we are fighting our own minds. What if we didn't struggle and didn't run? Let those feelings we hate come on. By theory they should become weaker each time we accept them and let them come on. The more we get used to those feelings the weaker they become. Just food for thought. At least you are still going out. Still working. Still able to maintain a relationship. They are all big pluses. Many a person has given up on such things once panic kicked in. Ran away from life for years. Keep doing what you are doing. I have no doubt your situation will improve in time.