Seever anxiety....please help me.. if you can..

[kaylaroo]

Hi my name is Kay. Im 20 years old and Ive been suffering from severe anxiety for about 5 years now. Its so bad that I havent been able to leave the house in 3 months. I havent seen our town mall in 2 years. I had to cancel going to college and cant get a job to help out my family. I cant hang out with friends, visit family members..go out shopping, eat at restaurants..I am not able to do anything I want to, even go for walks with my dog or car rides with my family. Even having friends over is really hard...which is why Ive lost most of my friends. I feel fine all day and the minute someone mentions leaving the house I feel sick and feel as though I have to run to the washroom to throw up. Then I feel sick the rest of the day. I start to get dizzy and hot and my head starts to sweat. All my roots get soaked and I feel like Im going to faint. The main symptom though is that im going to vomit and that doesnt go away. Ive been on Effexor for 3 years and it has not helped. Im on prevacid, domperidome,buscopan and was recently just put on paxil...also a few other pills that I cant recal the name. Im 20 years old and I take 8 pills a day....I do not want to live like this forever...plus I dont want to live my life being forced to stay in my house forever either. There would be no point to living. I just want to be normal. This all started in grade 10 for no reason and with no warning...I just felt sick and I thought it was the flu..but it stayed everyday causing me to miss alot of school in highschool...having to quit a few months before graduating..but having a doctors not to get my diploma...I missed my graduation..my prom..which I counted the days down since grade 9 for id say...I havent been able to ever party with friends...go shopping with friends..go out to bars..I cant leave my house...I get soo depressed about this that I start having a hard time seeing why I should live this life. Ive tried other kinds of treatment....ginger pills...esodynamics...nothing has helped me..I just want to give up. Im at a point where I dont even know what to do anymore. My family is getting annoyed and is starting to think im making this up. My doctor just keeps uping my dosage and adding in more pills...I dont want to be on pills my whole life...especially if they arent even working...can anyone please help me...I havent even had the chance to really live my life yet...or do anything normal ppl do at 20 years old....or any year actually....what can I do to help this stop. I cant take it anymore... I want to leave the house so bad and everytime I try and I get sick...it makes it even harder to try the next time. I havent seen the outside in 3 months and I want to just quit....please help me.. thank you for reading this..

[kaylaroo]

Hey you all....I just love coming on here now and reading all the msges! Makes me feel really good to know that there are people to feel the same as me. And to JSGeare...no im not aussie in any way hehe...Im actually Dutch....kaylaroo is just a nickname ive had since I was little from my parents.And thank you for that long msg. And your right no I dont have any treatment that requires talking to someone....because I cant go. I tried once with an anxiety group at the town hospital but it lasted one day and I couldnt go back.... My anxiety was starting to get better I thought anyways and I was really excited to finally go and get my Drivers ed because Ive had my beginners for ever now..and I want to drive so much...I feel maybe if I drive myself then I wont have to have fears if say when i get somewhere I feel sick and I have to go  home....well if im the one driving....then I wouldnt have to be scared to tell anyone Im sick...So I was really  excited and I went to my first class on Oct 1st this year....and since then I havent left the house.. Its impossible... And im soo disapointed cause I was sooo excited to drive...Bowla004....I feel when I read your msges..that I wrote them  ha....you explain what I go through to a T. I am to scared to even try and go places because of the fear of getting sick and looking like a idiot to everyone having to leave even though we just arrived. And I feel like ill look like a idiot if I throw up in front of people...that maybe people would think im belemic or soemthing ..then it would be highschool all over again ha..I once was sick in the washroom in grade 11 and had a girl come up to me and say...' are you pregnant to? "ha i was like geez no im 16! hahaha It was hard in school with everyone making assumptions....I had a best friend since grade 6...and iin grade 12 when I got so bad that I had to drop out of school 2 months before it ended,...her and a group of girls I used to hang out with all the time turned on me....said I was faking it all and making it up for attention ( because everyone at school was asking about me and making sure I was alright because I never missed to much school then stopped going) so I guess they got jealous and they said I was annorexic and some how "albino" dont know where that one came from! ha...and they said a bunch of harsh stuff saying that they hoped I died from my sickness...and these were girls I was best friends with all throughout highschool...I have one friend Andi-lee who has stayed with me ...shes been the friend that has told me to bring a bag along and that we can leave when we want...and im surprised shes still sticking with me..shes been the one where we would just get to the mall and we would have to leave 2 seconds later....lately shes been asking me to just go hang out at her house in pjs and watch tv..which i used to do no problem....and I cant even do that....and its really getting to me..I just want to be able to go out to clubs...movies..the mall....friends houses...even have friends come over here and not have a second thought about getting sick or anything. Tomorrow is new years eve and im probably the only 20 year old staying in with nothing to do because I cant. Andi-lee has asked me to hang out but I cant.. I just wish a miracle would happen and this would go away.. its to a point now that when my sisters say they are going out to the mall...like for example..my youngest sister had her first date ever....and if it were me nowadays....i would be sick and thinking of ways to get out of it because i felt sick....but I seem to forget that they dont have this problem...so Ill be all worried for her and asking if she feels ok and stuff..and shell be like ya im nervous but im excited...and i just forget how different it is to not have anxiety.....it just gets to me so much... My parents are understanding ppl...well my mom the most....my mom is the one saying you can do it..grab a bag and some giinger ale and its just going here...if you feel sick sit in the van...and that helps me alot ...but my dad....has a really hard time understanding that anxiety is a real problem....hes more along the lines of "why cant you go here? why do you feel sick..i dont understand why you cant leave the house....when you get out of your bubble you can do stuff" and i know guys dont really understand usually... my sisters have a hard time too...at least they act like they dont understand...they might feel bad i guess...but most the time they are always like  "ya well at least I can go out with my bf..at least I can leave"stuff like that....and its hard... My dad hates that im on all these pills..and he wants to go in with me the next docters app. and tell him to get me off them all cause they obviously are not working.. i ramble on alot dont I! you will all find out im quite the talker! haha.. dont get to talk to anyone during the day cept my family ad they are tired of hearing this..so now that I get to talk....I talk! hahaha...anyways... ill keep you guys posted for sure...although I cant imagine much new news coming from me anytime soon....i sleep till 4pm cause theres no reason to wake up and all I do is my cross stich and my crafts ...yes im 20 going on 90..... its sad really..hey at least im artistic or i would be bored out of my mind id say

[bowla004]

It's like we are sort of the same person just today i was happy because i just had a great night last i was able to go to the movies with my husband and for me thats an accomplishment. Well my friend wanted to go to her house today and remind you she knows im going through this and i said i really don't feel like it. She got mad and told me "you don't have a right to an opinion your just a loser who  never leaves your house!" That hurt me so bad i cried for two hours. It's sucks that our friends don't understand! But you know what im not going to let that get to me. I was able to go out last night and im determined to go out  for new years eve as well dammit!! lol! I will overcome this and so will you. Hang in there girl.

[bowla004]

By the way we soo need to get our life back im 23 your 20 we are too young to be housebound. If you ever need someone to chat with i will be on this forum. Like i said before you are definitly not alone im going through the same thing i know how you feel and i understand. Trust me it won't last forever. We will conquer our anxiety! Both of us! i have faith in you. You can do it.

[kaylaroo]

Hey girl....thats awesome that you got to go to the movies with your husband! First I thought I read wrong...husband at 23! hahaha but then again most ppl get married around 22 and such....just because I cant see myself being ready doesnt mean the rest of the world isnt! haha Im a big mommys girl... I dont even want to ever think of moving out hahahaha. 23 seems close and I cant imagine myself being married but hey who knows what will happen in 3 years! when I was younger I used to always say I wanted my first kid when I was 23...wow has that changed! haha..but really im so happy for you and that you got to leave,...I understand how good it feels to leave once you get to...its so hard to make yourself but once you do it feels so great. Movies I sometimes in ways find easier then most because I know I can sit down the whole time..and dont have to walk around feeling sick...If i know im sitting down I feel much better about it...but I still cant go! And I do wish more ppl understood what we were going through....I of course cant go anywhere for newyears...Which is disapointing... ill be at home with my family....but my friend called me at 10:30am and asked me if i wanted company tonight...and i said sure...so since 10:30 ive been anxious all day...I never used to get sick when it came to ppl coming over....it used to be the only thing that I felt fine for...but now even inviting a friend over makes me sick....so now all day im going to feel anxious..and come time my friend comes over im going to start to get more nervous and feel like im going to throw up..maybe start to sweat and get really hot and panick....same thing as always and I hate it so much....i wish I had the strength to say....no...this isnt hapening... and stop it...but my mind controls me..and I dont know how to change that around.. Ill post tomorrow and let you know how it goes tonight and such..and I hope you will do the same! I really hope you get to go out for newyears.. what I find helps me the most is ginger pills...but the problem is I dont want to be drugged up everytime i Have to do something....If I plan on going somewhere Ill take them every 4 hours before...tonight I might just try taking some once..see if it does anything...it really helps me with the nauses part anyways... most the time...but i dont want to take pills every 4 hours for the rest of my life...im on enough as it is.. anyways talk to you soon! Love Kay.

[bowla004]

omg im so lightheaded and my stomach is bothering me so much today! Just the thought of going out tonight is bothering me!  And im going to Disneyland which is sooo crowded. Im still determined to go out though! At least if i pass out at disneyland they are trained professionals lol! Sorry sometimes you just got to laugh at yourself. You want to hear something shocking i have been married for 3 years now! lol! Hey all i got to say is when love hits it hits. And im sooo glad i have a supportive husband to get me through this. Im the only one of my friends that are married too. lol But i don't regret it for one second.  So hey let me know how it goes tonight. i ll do the same. Oh and you want to talk about being drugged i live of off xanax i know i need to slowly ween myself of but it is soo hard.

[kaylaroo]

Hey you! thats awesome that youve been married for 3 years! like you said sometimes you just know your in love! I think its cute and congrats on it! Thats really cool that your going to disney land! I couldnt even think of going..I wish I could! my bf bought me a ticket to go see him in alberta and its on jan. 9th....next week...and i dont know how to tell him but its a 90% chance that I wont be going... I cant...how can i? I cant even go to my friends how am i going to take a plane 3 provinces over..then be away from home for 2 months...it isnt happening...im guna have to tell him I have to prospone it....plus I was thinking about making a docters app. and asking to get off my pills... they arent helping me in any way....so why stay on them right? so Im guna ask if I can start weening myself off,,,I live off effexor at 225 mg...most ppl take 75...if i miss it for one day...I lose my motor controls and man....cant even explain it...im addicted..but they do nothing for me..so i really want to get off..im scared ill get worse...but how much worse can this get i guess? I cant leave the house to go for a walk to the mail box....im guessing thats as bad as it can get...and dont worry about joking around about what we have...i do it all the time...its the only way of keeping myself sane about it! I always say..because the one place i never feel sick going to is my docters...and im always saying its because I know they have so many drugs there if i need any! haha...and I often joke about no one being able to swallow pills better then me now cause im a pill popper and take 8 a day....I need some laughter when it comes to my life! haha...so my friend called and said ill be at your house in 5 minutes....so i didnt have much time to worry and have a panick attack...all day I felt nauses and dizzy and very anxious in my stomach like I felt my muscles just going crazy and really just needed them to relax...and i was worried about getting worse when the time came that she would get here.. but i was fine...alot better then the last time she came over.. the last time it was so bad..i was shaking and dizzy and felt like i was going to faint..trying to poor myself a glass of ginger ale to help me and i was shaking..it was awful...but this time..it happened so quick i didnt have time to think about it. and the it went well cause we just sat and played nintendo wii with my family....she said her friend asked if we wanted to go to her house for a few hours..and i wanted to so bad..but i couldnt do it so i said no i was just guna stay home..and she left a bit later..tomorrow my aunt invited us over for supper...i used to have no problem going to my aunts...ive been sick there many times through out my life..its not like she cares she my aunt ya know? shes seen me sick since i was little so I really hope I have an easy time going. Im realy excited..havent seen anyone in a while...wasnt even able to go visiting on christmas so.. I pray it goes wel..i got my ginger ale..and my bag in my purse of course if i get sick.. and no pressure at my aunts..just alwys have fun so..ill just keep thinhking that...and hopefully when i go to bed tonigth i wont be anxious all night worried because i know im going there. I really want to hear how your night went and i hope it went well! thsi new year we will get better! and next new years eve we will go out with not even a second thought about it! no sick feelings at all!! we can do it! hope you had a great night!! bye for now! love Kay;