whats wrong with me?

[floridaliving]

i cant afford a specialists at the moment. and i have always wanted to know whats wrong with me.

idk how to put it, i guess i just start typing away.

sometimes i black out. but im still conscious, i can talk or hear, im just limp and my entire mind is black and fuzzy even if i try to open my eyes. BUT THIS IS NOT THE ENTIRE PROBLEM.

I always know when its about to happen, my heart rate feels as if my heart is going to burst through my chest. its gets fast and i hear it. i get short/ heavy breathing. and bam black out.

SOMETIMES i can get it to go away (as i can tell when its starting) i go sit somewhere where i can feel a breeze and i TRY SO HARD to breath reeeaaalll slow and STOP THINKING. i just close my eyes and breathe very calmly for a WHILE but i found it can help me from blacking out. if i try to get back up to quick my heart rate goes back up and i try again. or just black out. sometimes a throw up or dry heave after the black out. the black out lasts about a minute.

okay the triggers-
it is not an everyday occurrence, and i used to never be like this i was very confident as a teenager which btw i am 27 now. and female i forgot to say. if i have a job interview, i usually cant do it. my heart starts racing i drive away. one time i was working and i was late so i was really nervous idk why i used to be late all the time and never felt that way before but i ran in i was standing for the meeting and bam fell on the floor they called an ambulance and i was fine by the time they got there but they checked my blood sugar levels FINE they checked my pulse they had these tabs all over me i guess for my heart they said i was fine. i went home. one time i was pulling weeds out of a huge thorny plant and i got a thorn stuck in my thumb and it happened i blacked out. one time i was on a buggy and i fell hit my back against the railing and it happened. and if i go somewhere where there are people that i dont like i feel the heart beating coming and i have to calm myself before going in.

those are just some examples. i feel that it happens when i endure pain at times or over thinking or if i have to speak to new people. ( i have always had stage freight i have never liked being center of attention) sometimes i feel it talking to new people and ill start stuttering and my palms get really sweaty and my heart will race and i feel so weird so i try to hide it so i just stop talking and focus on breathing. idk i t has stopped me from amazing job opportunities as well.

it has gotten worse through the years. and like i said i never used to be this way. sometimes i sit in my car before going grocery shopping ill just be thinking so much and i am like why am i freaking outttttt. whats wrong with me. :( i have three kids too, be for my kids i was confident. my first one i was still fine had my second child it started. and i dont know what health issues are out there so i figure its anxiety, after my third child its even worse and shes almost two.

i dont know if my body chemicals went all outta whack from having kids or what ....or im just getting older and your body changes idk. i just want to be confident again. its like im ALWAYS NERVOUS. and its not self confidence im am not heavy or ugly so i know that its not i guess psychological ???? i dont freaking know.

[LenaW15]

Hi Floridaliving-  What you are experiencing are full blown panic attacks. I use to have them to. The best thing for you to do is try to identify exactly when the first one started,  what were the circumstances, who was involved, what EXACTLY were you feeling, what happened and if you could do it over again how could you handle it differently.  Then, try to do that with each of your panic attacks in the order in which you had them.  The idea is to try to empower confidence in yourself again by relearning how to deal with situations.  For some reason you have lost that confidence and it's important to gain that back before you get to the point where you become agoraphobic & refuse to step out of the house for years because of fear.  As soon as you can get professional help the better, (check with your doctor about free counseling, there are many programs out there with sliding scales) but for now get out your pen and paper and just start writing. That will help.

[floridaliving]

Wow that puts everything so much clearer for me. Thank you I will try to figure all this out and I am going to find a specialist so I can determine the best thing to do for myself. It is very frustrating to feel this way, to feel nervous or panicky it stops me from doing so much