Will I ever feel "normal" again?

[emc3]

I have had what I have come to the conclusion is anxiety for about two years now. It started out with a few sporadic panic attacks and then I was fine for a while with just small episodes here and there. Just recently, it's gotten incredibly worse. I feel anxious everyday!!! My heart beats irregularly and fast. I tense all my muscles. I have a hard time concentrating. I have a hard time sleeping, which makes me tired all the time. I have a hard time swallowing, to the point where sometimes I actually can't. I feel like I am going to faint. I think I am going to die. I fear something horrible is going to happen. I try to concentrate on my breathing, but it only seems to make it worse!  I use to be able to walk myself out of it, but that just doesn't seem to be the case anymore. I tend to be a fairly social person, but as of late, I am becoming more and more withdrawn. I talk with my friends about it in hopes that they won't think I am crazy. The seem to be supportive, but I don't think that they can really understand the totality of what I am going through. I try to avoid things that trigger panic and live my life at the same time, but it seems as though everything seems to trigger panic at this point! Unfortunately I don't make a ton of money, nor do I have insurance. I would love to see a doctor and therapist, but financially it just seems impossible at this point. It would just be nice to have someone to talk to who understands. I fear that this is my life now forever and it's making me depressed, angry, and embarrassed. I want this to go away!!! I just want to feel "normal" again!!!

[GingaNinja81]

Hi Russ,

Believe it or not..the anxiety symptoms can often come from things that aren't stressful so much as there is alot.  Alot of life.  So, if you are thinking about walking the dog, putting out food for dinner, the bills you haven't paid, getting your car fixed, a bad day at work....too many of these little stresses eventually turn into one big one.  It doesn't need to be anything overly bad or even traumatic to have anxiety, but just an overactive mind (or as others have mentioned missing things in your body).  It is unusual for it to start as just numbness and pins and needles.  That is usually a much more advanced panic symptom.

[LoSTandScArEd25]

my anxiety is a HUGE issue in my life also,but for me to feel normal I am on 40 mgs of Valium a day which in itself causes a huge problem because it causes me NOT to feel in a way...... emotions disappear and sometimes sexual desire does too.......just be careful what meds you and your doc put you on.

[nnovella]

Alright, I am typing on my iPhone, so I don't know how much longer I'll be able to do this. I'll try to get out what I have to say though.
I'm 18 year old male.
Personal experience. About 4 months ago, I was experimenting and trying out the whole weed thing. After all, it is referenced in soo many songs and people say it is safe and should be legalized.
So I tried some weed before bed. I thought it would help. I took a hit, and waited a little tiny bit, and took another. I kept taking hits thinking I wasn't feeling much. I lost all care for past and future and was in the moment soo much. I found myself in front of the bathroom mirror starting into my own eyes. It went on for a little while. It was as if I came-to in front of the mirror. I forgot I even smoked anything. I wanted to move but couldnt. The feeling of having a smile went to a feeling of a big frowning sad face but my face looked stagnant in the reflection. a blank stare. this scared me. I wanted to move my position. one of the most important things is how my vision wasn't smooth, even for staring straight into my own eyes, my field of view was jerky. it was twitching back onto itself as if space and time were dividing or multiplying. it felt like I was in straight up HELL, and I was relieved to know I was asleep having a nightmare. so I tried to wake up and couldn't seem to. my fear level doubles. I realize it is a real experience. I swear that I died and was stuck in the underworld. It sucked because as I looked at myself, there was some detachment in recognizing it was me. I finally move my position and it is hard to breathe. All the while, worst experience ever. I hated the frame rates that were too low. like taking pictures and playing back action instead of using a video camera. anyways.
I woke up feeling different. Thinking about how I felt the tingling/bubbling in my brain the night before, and how many hits I took, I knew I screwed up and fried myself. I permanently fried my brains. this turned me into a disaster case. I was freaking out inside. Why me? Why me? I would cry I would get mad. Then I would deny it and say to myself that i was overreacting. So that morning I found myself in the laundry room and as I was folding dry towels, it came over me for no reason: I felt tightness in my chest, shaking/shivering all over, hard to breathe or no breathing at all, uneasy feeling like when I was in front of the mirror, and my vision went to the low frame-rates. I was basically high again and I wanted to die. It faded away after about 60 long seconds. and I would find that these 'attacks' would come over me over the next 2 or 3 months. and each time they happen, I would get paranoid as if I were high. come up with stupid things to scare myself about. The DEREALIZATION was very real to me and I wanted to know how long it would last and how to get rid of it. I didnt like my new perspective on life on earth and the feeling inside that I had when inwas a young boy. childhood. or maybe it is the feeling I got while dreaming and reminiscing about childhood memories. Surprisingly, feeling like that felt like poop to me. I just wanted to feel "normal" again.
Do you feel like you snap back to reality while watchin tv? Staring into a photo that means a lot to you? That's because in those moments, your mind is off of the subject. for once! YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR CURRENT DILEMMA. NOT JUST STOP THINKING ABOUT THE DEREALIZATION, but, STOP THINKING ABOUT NOT THINKING ABOUT DEREALIZATION.  okay? I know it's hard. and you will get good at it. you will come back to "reality" slowly. (2-3 days? a week?) and your mind will be soo tired of over thinking it all, it will feel nice to finally relax, and stop feelin bad for yourself. Maybe think about other people and how they feel.  Be selfless. Get your mind off of it. Pick up a new hobby or something. I remember it could be difficult to do normal tasks. Driving was weird, and working on the computer was weird, too. Living seemed outrageous. On top of it all I was afraid I was turning schizophrenic from weed. and my biological father is a loony tune so I felt screwed. a disgusting twist of fate. and that fortune cookie that said dont go down that path unless you are ready for a change in life. I WOULDN'T WISH THE WHOLE ORDEAL ON MY WORST ENEMY. worst thing ever. Anyways, weed is a pshycho-active drug. meaning it can make your brain active making you think many thoughts. your mind might not have ever been put into that set before so even after the smoking session, your brain knows how to think too many thoughts and get caught up on some of them. ANYWAYS, I know you never saw it coming. I know you never imagined life could be soo weird and the brain soo complex. I know you are scared for your well-being. HERE'S what tells you that you're not crazy. You are aware what being normal is too well. it is what you have your mind set on—being normal again. You don't see things hear things.. you are a SANE human being with full potential to live a purposeful life. Just move on and start "looking back" on your experience and find meaning in it. maybe you learned a lesson. maybe you will be more compassionate and live life to the fullest now. find your reason. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. I think earth is where we learn important lessons that are useful for being a stronger spirit. Maybe pray to God. Find a faith? the point is to get your mind off of it and doing one of those things, you will be putting a lot of your stress and worry into gods hands. MAYBE your lesson will be to develop your own set of skills to get yourself 'out' of the DEREALIZATION. don't just give up and sit there staring at something admiring how fake and dreamlike it appears, snap out of it. might as well not ge USED TO it, or it might be harder to convince yourself that you can return to 'reality'. that feeling you get when you are home but it actually feels like HOME. very personal and real and cozy and safe. YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF SOO HAPPY SOMEDAY SOON. I mean, it will lift off of you and it will be soo overwhelmingly strong that there is no doubt in my mind that you will cry. Your tears will be happy and sad and you will get the strongest emotion of relief, with a tiny sprinkle of anger. Happiness, though, is where you will be at then. Just don't scare yourself. Not worth the energy. panick attacks are VERY scary and confusing. They will go away if you find yourself in the middle of one and stand up for yourself and act like everything is normal. breathe. pretend you aren't having one. you will see it will last much less time than normal. soon, you won't get them anymore. you may even feel a panic attack coming over you but then change your mind and decide not to have it. be like "no, not now! I'm with my friends having dinner, really? not now!" and if you are good at it, it will have dissipated. Writing this was difficult because I am soo past that. hated the feelings. and don't like thinkin about it. but doing this helps me stay strong. OH, and smile. even if it feels stupid. mental patients were discharged after being told to smile. they became well. I haven't looked it up; someone told me about it. but it's true. HEY, good luck! you can do it!

n h n m a i l @ y a h o o . c o m

[bigdinero]

Have you had western blot test for Lyme and co-infections?  Bartonella (one of the co-infections) is known to cause anxiety and lyme could cause this as well.  Something to consider - most general practitioners are not well versed in lyme and view it only as fatigue and joint pain.  

I have some bad anxiety and tested positive for lyme.  Although hard to say if it is the lyme that is causing it / magnifying it or two separate conditions.  Fun times.  Good luck.

[russdaboss]

About 3 months ago I started to have a “Numb” feeling starting in my legs, a bit like pins n needles and it would go straight up my body. Didn’t think much of it as it would only last a few seconds. I then started to get sweaty palms and fingers and pins n needles in random places of my body.
All very weird so went to docs and they straight away said “anxiety attacks” and sent me away not doing anything. It then got a lot worse and I became an insomniac and just couldn’t sleep for weeks. Eventually after taking all sorts of sleeping pills etc the doctor gave me mirtazpine which is like a mild sedative and helps with anxiety. I have been on these for a couple of months and they have really helped with my sleeping. I am on just 15mg a night and it relaxes you so much that you sleep well and feel great in the morning. I still feel odd at work and get pins n needles and sometimes get a kind of like a weird “wavey” feeling in my head, bit like a rush from a ciggerette is what I can describe it best!
My question is, I have had no stress or unhappiness in my life recently yet I now have this aniexty disorder, how is this possible!? I still think I have a virus or something. Sometimes I find myself just sitting starring into space not knowing who or what I am! Freaky hey. Has anyone experienced what I am going through as its really really getting on top of me now so any advice would be great.

[sr2012]

Yes, I use to have this really weird panic attacks at first, where I would be in a car on the freeway where my friend was driving me somewhere, or on a ferry across the river, and have this sensation that I suddenly am going to pee and there's no way I can hold it, I'm going to embarass myself and lose my friends. Or I suddenly feel I'm going to go "full on crazy" and start shouting or hitting people or running onto traffic. That's anxiety, it's fear of more anxiety, not always fear of something existing. Physical symptoms I feel can emerge from some underlying stress or physical/ mental/ emotional trauma that is building up and we're not aware of it. All the best. I think you will have to give it a few months. Medication can be helpful but also a psychologist can help see if there are any other areas of your life which need to be looked at. Did you move recently, have a new job, start or end a relationship, be involved in different, more or less physical activity? For example...