What is Wrong WIth Me? When Will This ENd?

[John23a]

I'm a 19 years old male. At age 16 I met this girl who at the time was older than me. I really got used to her and thought that she is the only person on earth that can make me happy. After a year she cheated on me and because of that i got really depressed and i started doing drugs. I did ecstasy few times and smoked marijuana for over a year. Almost a year ago i had this panic attack while on ecstasy thinking i might die and thats where i got my first panic attack. After a month one day i was with friends and we were smoking a joint and i started feeling extremely weird. i started feeling my life is a dream and i started having an extreme heart beat, thinking im dying. I went to emergency room and after a night staying there i came home. I went to an heart specialist and he did all sorts of tests and he said there is nothing wrong with me physically its probably stress. After that day i stopped doing drugs and i never even touched a cigarette. I was sober and going on with my school and everything for 9 months but something weird happened 4 months ago. One day i suffered a neck strain and i went to a doctor and he gave me this medication. I took the medication and went to bed. The day after when i woke up i ate breakfast and right after i ate breakfast i started feeling like my whole body is going numb and my legs started shaking and i felt like there is something serious happening to me. So i started freaking out and i couldn't even move because i felt like im all numbed. I ended up going to the emergency room. They did a blood test and x-ray from my neck and they said there is nothing wrong with me. That night when i got home thats when all the problems started. I started feeling like im in a dream (similar to my bad trips on marijuana) and i had these following symptoms:
Nausuea, Stomach Noises, Headaches, Feeling this noise in my ears, seeing flashes, waking up scared every 20 min, fast heart beat, walking around the house for no reason, thinking im dying or there is something seriously wrong with me.
This went on for almost a month and all this time i didnt come out of this dreamy feeling and i had all the symptoms. I didnt even feel normal for a minute during that month. So i went to my family Doctor and asked for a full blood test, a CT scan from my head and an MRI from my neck. It all came as normal. Thats when my doctor told me im probably suffering from anxiety. After a month i started feeling better untill few weeks ago when i started having the dreamy feeling again. This time its not as bad as the last time like unlike the previous time i can function and go on with my daily life. But i have been feeling weird lately. I lay on my bed and think there is something wrong with me mentally, like i feel like im going crazy but then im not. I always think about stupid stuff. Like i think if my current girlfriend is going to cheat on me. I think if i really love my gf or i dont but when we get into arguments i get so scared that she might leave me. I dont know i just want to feel normal again. I sometimes feel this is not anxiety and im going crazy and i will end up in the mental hospital for rest of my life. At the same time i know these are all from my past experiences and its all in my mind and thats why i dont want to go on medication because i think it will go away with a little help. Im just scared that i have this more serious mental problem.
I also tend to stress about stupid things. Like in class i feel like these girls are always looking at me and im the main point of attention in class. I dont know how to explain it but i feel really weird and when i have a presentation or the teacher asks me a question i get very hot and get this weird feeling in my stomach

[mattjdawg]

Hey man, it's mattjdawg from 2013 and i wanted to let you know i haven't got rid of it. you just learn how to control it. I just call them panic attacks but inside I know they are more than just that. We might be going crazy, im not really sure. Just got to deal with it one day at a time and never give up

[mattjdawg]

Hey guess I know this happened in 09 and now its 13, but i was wondering did yall every find what was going on with him.  I am 15 years old and smoke weed since i was 14. Well about a half year ago all this stuff has been happening to me.  I want to know how to correctly treat this.  I might go to the doc and ask him if i have anxiety.  This is pretty scary though.

[Paxiled]

Oops -- I meant Marin is right.  Brain doesn't work anymore, I'm Paxiled.

[Paxiled]

Oh, and Ibiza is right -- the natural route is hard, but if you do it, do it all the way, that's the way it works.  Even if it doesn't solve this problem, it will make you feel better!

[Paxiled]

Psychologists don't do medication.  That's psychiatrists.  That's why I suggested a psychologist.  They just try to help you help yourself if you're not succeeding on your own.

[Marin600]

Hi, again. It's Marin.  Everybody in this discussion is making valid points, I think.  When I was in college (20) I had a similar thing:  I could see myself and everyone around me, as though my eyes were hovering a few feet above and around me.  I could even see the part in my hair!  I was extremely sad.  Green looked greener.  The birds seemed too loud.  Lasted around three weeks and I went home for the summer, and don't remember any of the symptoms lingering after that.  That was back in the dark ages, and for all practical purposes, drugs didn't exist then, and I rarely drank alcohol.  Never did find out what it was, but I was always worried that I didn't fare very well when compared to others, had been superstressed as the last few weeks of finals approached, had had little sleep, and little food, so have always believed those things to have been connected, since the symptoms never returned, except, maybe the out-of-my-body feeling for short periods (2-3 hrs) during super stressful times (3 occasions, all involving deaths of loved ones).  They' disappear after a long sleep.

Seeking professional help is a good idea, but do what feels good to you.  You seem to have an innately intuitive understanding of your being that many people decades older never approach in a lifetime.  I am hyper about not taking medication, too, but recognize that sometimes medication really is the best answer, if only for a short time (few months), or in the case of thyroid, forever.  Since you feel so strongly about this, seek a naturopath or holistic physician or clinic.  Your health food store employees should be able to provide you with leads, and you could probably track one down without having to drive too far by using the internet.  Also, ask the hfs emp for a good list of books with which to educate yourself.  My holistic dr has a bunch of books on his list, including Sick and Tired by Robert O. Young.  I had to read the first few sections at least five times before I could accept what I was reading, regarding live blood cell analysis.  Yet it went right along with questions that I'd wondered about since about the age of 12:  a whole different way of looking at disease and mutations. I pricked my finger, borrowed a friend's backlit high powered microscope and had trouble sleeping for several days.  Will I ever be able to eat completely as Young and his wife suggest?  Probably not, since they don't think we should eat meat.  But with that exception, I'm getting there.  I LOVE pork, lobster, shrimp, catfish---but I feel much better now that I've eliminated them and dairy from my diet.  Your body and your brain far surpass in complexity anything that man can possibly devise.  You'd stand there at the pump making sure no dirt gets into the tank on a windy day, while chowing down on junk food for your body's engines, right?  Why do we do it?  We need to exercise and rest properly; to drink plenty of pure water and eat the purest food we can find, in as close a state as we can to the way it came: whether berries, nuts, veggies or fruit.  There are a world of enticing recipes.  I think that raw apple cider vinegar with the mother is important in our diets (see the Bragg site on the web search page), but the Youngs say no vinegar.  The beauty of life is that we can search for ourselves and come to our own conclusions.  So if you now want to go the natural route, do it the best way you can, whole hog, and seek the advice of the pro's in that field.  A half-hearted stab at it won't bring you success, though, I don't think.  But if, after going the route you prefer, these strange sensations persist, then see a psychologist.  But, you know they're not all created equally.  Ask around until you get one with a good rep for your first appt.  Now, you go out there and take that tiger by the tail, y'hear?!  And we're not going to forgive you if don't check in with us now and again!

[John23a]

Thanks for the post Paxiled. But i dont really want to go on medications i rather go on with it and try helping myself instead of putting chemicals in my body. Thats the main reason that i dont want to see a psychologist.

[Paxiled]

The person is right about seeing a psychiatrist, or a psychologist -- you do need to talk to a professional.  The person is wrong that all anxiety is related to panic attacks.  Some people are just anxious all the time and don't necessarily get panic attacks; some people get panic attacks sometimes but don't feel anxious in between.  I was originally got panic attacks but when I wasn't doing something that gave me one I was fine.  Now, after a bout with extreme Paxil withdrawal, I'm anxious all the time, as well as depressed all the time.  So I now know what each feels like.  But nobody on a website can diagnose you -- you need to see a professional.  It doesn't have to be a psychiatrist, it can be a psychologist -- the only reason to see a psychiatrist is if medication is necessary.  Otherwise, psychologists actually study psychology longer than a psychiatrist does.  On the other hand, theoretically psychiatrists are also doctors who can also recognize physiological problems, but good luck find one who will!  Most are just middlemen between the pharmaceutical industry and the patient.  Good luck.

[John23a]

OK IM REALLY WORRIED NOW..I posted this same thread in another website and this is what i got in answer..I dont can someone tell me if this person is being right? Now i think there is something more serious wrong with me? I dont really get anxiety attacks..i just feel out of it and i feel derealized. Like today i feel like im in a movie but no phyical symptom.Its not like i get an anxiety attack for 10 min or an hour and then i feel okay. I usualy have this deralization feeling for more than 3-4 days and i feel like im going crazy. Am i really going crazy? What are the  chances that this is not anxiety and a more serious mental problem? THIS Is what the person on this other forum said to me. This makes me worried.

""""""""""""""""Several of the symptoms you list do point to anxiety; however, several do not. I am speaking from experience now: Usually, an anxiety episode does not last more than an hour or so. If I have chest pain for well over an hour, I am on my way to the hospital (of course, the EKGs and CATs come back fine). The thought you go on for weeks feeling like you are in a haze is not consistant with anxiety disorder. Normally, anxiety is related to the feelings of dread and then physical reactions during a panic attack.

I would definitely suggest contacting a psychiatrist because you have checked your physical self and things came out ok. A psychiatrist will be able to help more with the psychological and identifying what your somatoform symptoms are or may be derived from. Obviously, I can't diagnose you over the internet, but I do hope you take this seriously and seek help to rid yourself of whatever is going on."""""""""""""

[John23a]

thank u Marin..this really made me feel better and for sure i would use your suggestions..the only thing that makes me worried these days is i dont really have an anxiety attack..like the only symptom i have is feeling like im going crazy in my head and feeling derealization. Not any physical symptoms what so ever and this makes me think "oh maybe im going crazy, maybe there is something wrong with me which is more serious than anxiety..like another mental disease" and i lay on my bed and think why is my brain functioning like this. Why does everything feel empty? I think if 100% i knew this is anxiety i could relax a bit about this and maybe thats a first good step. Tonight im going to sign up for pool and go swimming every time. Last time i exercised was a year ago ! im gonna start drinking water (i dont drink water lot) and im gonna start thinking im the main focus in the classroom and i will try to be myself and act like im in my house with no one around. Hopefully these will be good steps for the start. Once again thank u Marin ur post really helped me out. Take Care

[Marin600]

Hi, again.  I do hope you'll use some of the suggestions I gave you, but you be sure to keep in touch with your doctor, too.  It's great for you to avoid medication where possible, and use vitamins-minerals-supplements, but you may also need medication.  I understand your reluctance to use medication.  I'm the same way.  But, sometimes, medication is the best answer.  You definitely need to tell your doctor about seeming to be in a dream when you're not sleeping.  If you would go on a strict diet eliminating all known toxins, as I suggested above, you could at least find out if that would help you.  It's really a matter of will power.  As for feeling like everybody's watching you in class, that's just part of finding your place in the world.  We all go through that, but then, when you're really interested in what you're doing, you'll gradually forget all about it.  Do touch base with your doctor, and follow his advice.  

[Marin600]

It's going to be okay.  You'll make it through this okay.  Give it time.  Trust the medical professionals who have checked you out and found out that you have no ticker problems.  You're experiencing life!  With all its curves!  Just like a Monopoly game, something you didn't expect, or didn't want pops up, and you have to deal with it to go forward.  You're very good at remembering the details of what has occurred.  Forewarned is forearmed.  You know that you have anxiety.  Read all the postings here, and on other websites, to learn the experiences of others.  It's great that you decided to take control with no more drugs of any kind, because they have worse effects upon some people, and you seem to have been in that category.  Positive steps will bring positive results, but it will take repeated effort on your part, and a lot of the steps you take will probably be baby steps, but they'll eventually get you where you want to go.  Knowing there are literally millions of people with the same problem should ease your mind a little bit.  And, no, you're not going crazy now, and you're not going to go crazy later.  Think of the times you've wound up in the hospital.  Your symptoms were similar, but you turned out to be okay.  And, since you know that now from experience, maybe you won't be so scared when an anxiety attack hits you the next time.  Say to yourself, "Oh, great.  Another anxiety attack.  Well, hurry up, body, and get it over and done with, because I have things to do, and you're holding me up.  Hurry up and get it over with, or get the hell out!  Wow.  I guess you're sticking around.  Well, what new things do you have for me this time?  Whatever you throw at me, I'm gonna pitch right back.  You can't really hurt me. I've already proven that at the hospital.  So, let's get this show on the road."  Then try to watch tv, make some toast and soup, lie down and take a nap, play with the dog, watch a funny VCR film clip.  You now KNOW it's not going to kill you, and it's not going to hurt you.  Try concentrating on taking really l-o-n-g breaths, and consciously try to hold a breath, then take in even more air, and control the exhaling to a long, slow exhale.  Just keep repeating.  If one thing doesn't work, try another.  Gradually your mind will realize what you're telling it, and the attacks will come less frequently and become less severe.  What triggers them?  Who knows?  Go to a school counselor to take tests to help you decide what you want to do with your life, then jump in wholeheartedly pursuing what you decide upon.  And if you can't decide right away?  No big deal.  But don't shuffle back and forth from your place to that of your friends and make that path the only one you take.  Widen your horizons.  See about exercise classes as the YMCA, or whatever's available in your community.  Don't give yourself time to think about the anxiety attacks and whether your're going to have another one.  You WILL have another one.  But you can deal with it.  Research all the symptoms of stroke and heart attack, so that when you're having an anxiety attack, you won't have to worry if THIS one is the one that's gonna getcha.  Research anxiety attacks so that when your body throws you yet another symptom that you've not had before, you can ride with it.  You're so good at detailed description that you really should take an analytical attitude whenever an anxiety attack hits, so that you can provide a sort of guideline for others.  You WILL get through these.  Please research hypoglycemica, the thyroid and the many facets of the body functions that are affected when the thyroid is off kilter, and the same with the adrenal glands, as well as allergies.  All of these conditions can cause symptoms that sound just like a anxiety, or panic, attack.  Drink purified water (I prefer distilled).  Read labels.  No junk food for you.  No chemicals.  No preservatives.  No food dyes.  Learn your way around the kitchen with fresh vegetables.  No sugar.  No sugar types---anything ending with -ose.  No white flour.  No carbonated beverages.  No dairy.  Read about gluten.  Stay off of it for at least a month.  Your body is the most technologically developed thing on the face of the earth.  And the tiniest thing can cause big problems.  If you're going to try avoiding the bad stuff, you've got to go whole hog.  Across the board.  Completely.  Otherwise, if you only halfway do it, you're never going to be able to find out the things that might be triggering the anxiety attacks.  Find some activities that you love to do, with at least some of them involving moving the body:  anything from taking a walk to playing ball.  Those things help relieve stress, which triggers anxiety.  Pleasurable things change the chemistry in your brain in a positive way, and help to balance out the stress portions of your life.  Don't get all bent out of shape over one girl.  You're young.  There are a kazillion girls out there.  Go places that allow you to get to know each other: walks, putting puzzles together, cooking together.  They don't have to be expensive times.  You want someone you can laugh with, someone who makes you want to be the best person that you can be, someone you're proud of, someone who doesn't say or do things that you think need an apology.  If your gut or your mind tell you that she disappoints you in some way, don't keep going out with her.  Why prolong the agony?  People sometimes, but almost never, really change in the ways that matter.  Take that to the bank!  And remember those kazillions of other girls out there.  While you're at it...are you the best guy that you could be?  You'll get through all this.  Keep searching, keep learning, keep smiling, keep your chin up, and keep coming back and letting us know how things are going---what's working for you and what's not.  Good luck!