Aa
confused & upset...need advice & support plz
My fiance started serving weekends in jail yesterday until Monday & he will do that every weekend until he serves 29 days. We recently lost a baby last month & I had surgery the end of June. I've been having problems with my anxiety again also trouble sleeping. I have mood swings & flip out on my fiance for no reason. I just feel like he won't listen unless I make a big deal about it. All we ever talk about is stuff about him. I used to see him everyday & now it's every 2 or 3 days. He has been giving me a lot of space & I feel like he is pushing himself away. We also have a 2 year old son that he hasn't spent time with in over a week. I just want to know what I can do??? I feel left out a lot & sit at my dad's all the time since that is where I am living at the moment. I just feel like everything I do lately is wrong... I just want some answers & support. I don't hardly ever go out with friends or anything like that mainly because I'm not working so I have no money. I'm constantly asking my parents or friends for money for diapers, etc since I can't seem to find a job. We had a little mishap with my car last month so it's at a car repair shop until I can pay the towing bill & the storage fee which I don't have the money for. I just feel like my son is all I have at this point other than the few close friends I have & my family. I feel like my fiance is there when it's convenient for him. We used to go out all the time in town but now we hardly ever do. I'm trying to figure out if I have done something wrong??? I am going back to school next month so I'm looking forward to that.
I just found out tonight on my fiance's mom's myspace that my fiance is getting a new townhouse. I'm curious as to why he wouldn't tell me this?? He's been working a lot lately & seems to be distancing himself from me. He also recently got added onto his mom's cell phone plan instead of just turning both of our phones back on when he had the money to do it. What should I do?
Thank you so much for your advice & support. I had a D&C which is what they do when you have a miscarriage if it doesn't happen naturally or you don't want to wait for it to. They scrape your uterus lining to get the remains of the pregnancy out of your body. They have a health department here but they don't deal with anxiety or depression. They also have Communicare which is $10 a visit for therapy which is where I have went before & I liked it. My therapist was very nice & easy to talk to. I was thinking about going back just don't have the money right now. As far as welfare goes I highly doubt that I would be eligible. I do want to be more independent though. I was so used to working & doing things for myself & son on my own that it's hard having to depend on everyone else for it now. I have never really had nightmares but since the miscarriage they have been really strange. My mom was really into finding out about dreams like what they mean, etc. Well she gave me a book that is a dictionary of dreams. All the dreams I've had I've looked up what happened in that dictionary & it says that I'm dealing with losing something close to me, etc. I thought it was crazy to actually read that. As far as my fiance & I, we have always had problems just like every relationship. A lot has happened in our time together but we have got through all that so I know that we can get through this as well, I'm just not sure how. After the loss of the baby & surgery, we started to get closer & talk to each other about everything & anything...spent a lot of time together....he spent time with our son just one on one....now just a month later not even... we see him every couple days for an hour at the most.... he hardly listens to me when I talk or just cuts me off to talk about what he wants to talk about.... it's like to me he is pushing himself away from us... I don't want that at all....He was my first love & first of everything & I tried so hard to get him back & I don't want to lose him. I just want us to be a happy family...be able to share everything with each other & not fight all the time. I am so excited about going back to school next month & also trying to get a job so that I can get my car back & fixed also to provide for my son & myself. As long as my son is taken care of then I'm ok. I just like you said almost feel hopeless sometimes then I look at my son & realize wow...I did something right. He is 2 & can talk in full sentences & is so smart. Thanks for the reality check though. I am thinking about writing my fiance a letter about everything that I want to talk to him about then when I go pick him up tomorrow night from jail I'm going to read it to him so that everything I want to talk about is said then hear what he has to say & go from there. My best friend is constantly busy & I don't have a whole lot of friends. I have been hanging out with one of my friends in the neighborhood my dad lives in. She really listens to me & gives me advice plus when I hang out at her house I play guitar hero to kind of occupy myself & have some fun. Thank you again.
First, let me say how terribly sorry I am about the loss of your baby. You're living every mother's nightmare.
When you say you had surgery, was that connected to the loss of your baby? Did you have a hysterectomy?
You say you've been having problems with your anxiety again, trouble sleeping, and mood swings that cause you to "flip out for no reason." Considering everything you're going through and have recently gone through, it doesn't surprise me in the least that you're having some issues. Consider that you are no doubt still dealing with the grief of losing your baby. That alone could casuse many of the symptoms you speak of. But your body is also going through the chaos of major hormonal changes and that can wreck havoc on our emotions. Since you have a two year old, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about!
Your fiance is having to spend time in jail, the two of you are having some relationship problems, you have no job and now no car, you're living with your parents and depend on them, and friends, for money for diapers, you don't socialize much because you have no money..........and you wonder why you're going through hell right now?
Normally I would suggest you seek out some professional help to get you through this rough patch, but I realize financially that is out of the question.
Being a single mother, living with your parents, no job and no means of transportation, have you considered applying for welfare? While that isn't a long term solution. nor should it be, it would possibly help you get over some of the hopelessness you're feeling. If you felt a bit more independent, I think that would make you feel better about yourself and life in general. It won't solve your problems, I don't mean to imply that, but when one has to depend on friends and family for everything, it can be very demoralizing. Even if you have to continue to live with your parents, you'd at least be able to contribute and buy the things you need for your son.
The relationship problems are more of a sticky wicket for me. Not really understanding the dynamics of your relationship, it's impossible for me to answer your question about having done "anything wrong." Sounds to me like you and your fiance need to sit down and CALMLY have a very long and deep heart to heart talk about the difficulties you're presently having and where the two of you are going with the relationship. It won't be easy, but the only way for a relationship to work is to communicate and I think the two of you have a great deal to communicate about.
There must be a free clinic somewhere near you and I would recommend that you see a doctor about any possible physical reasons for your anxiety, sleeplessness and irritability. Dealing with all the things in your life, it wouldn't be out of the question to suspect you're dealing with some depression. Hopefully they won't just push some pills at you, but will help you find free, or very low cost, therapy.
In the meantime, while you are trying to put all of this together, I suggest you get hold of your close friends and arrange regular get togethers just to talk. You don't have to go out on the town, which you can't afford, you could simply invite them over for some lemonaide under a shady tree. Talking with our friends can be the best therapy of all and will make you feel less alone and isolated. I realize it's not as much fun as going out, but for now, it's what you can afford. If you reach out to your friends for help, I'm sure they will be more than happy to rally around you in this time of need. (Everybody needs to be needed)
I may not have been much help, but I want to make the point that there is a solution to almost every problem we face, but we can't just "sit at dads" and wait for it to knock on the door. YOU have to get pro-active and seek out the help you need. You obviously have access to a computer, and through that you should be able to tap into many avenues of help.
I don't want to sound harsh, as you've been, and ARE going through more than most, but you can't continue to wallow in your problems. It's time to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and make things happen. No one else is going to do it for you.
You say you're going back to school, so that right there is an incredibly positive first step.
Now take the next one.
We are always here if you need us and we all wish you the very best.
Peace
Greenlydia
When you say you had surgery, was that connected to the loss of your baby? Did you have a hysterectomy?
You say you've been having problems with your anxiety again, trouble sleeping, and mood swings that cause you to "flip out for no reason." Considering everything you're going through and have recently gone through, it doesn't surprise me in the least that you're having some issues. Consider that you are no doubt still dealing with the grief of losing your baby. That alone could casuse many of the symptoms you speak of. But your body is also going through the chaos of major hormonal changes and that can wreck havoc on our emotions. Since you have a two year old, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about!
Your fiance is having to spend time in jail, the two of you are having some relationship problems, you have no job and now no car, you're living with your parents and depend on them, and friends, for money for diapers, you don't socialize much because you have no money..........and you wonder why you're going through hell right now?
Normally I would suggest you seek out some professional help to get you through this rough patch, but I realize financially that is out of the question.
Being a single mother, living with your parents, no job and no means of transportation, have you considered applying for welfare? While that isn't a long term solution. nor should it be, it would possibly help you get over some of the hopelessness you're feeling. If you felt a bit more independent, I think that would make you feel better about yourself and life in general. It won't solve your problems, I don't mean to imply that, but when one has to depend on friends and family for everything, it can be very demoralizing. Even if you have to continue to live with your parents, you'd at least be able to contribute and buy the things you need for your son.
The relationship problems are more of a sticky wicket for me. Not really understanding the dynamics of your relationship, it's impossible for me to answer your question about having done "anything wrong." Sounds to me like you and your fiance need to sit down and CALMLY have a very long and deep heart to heart talk about the difficulties you're presently having and where the two of you are going with the relationship. It won't be easy, but the only way for a relationship to work is to communicate and I think the two of you have a great deal to communicate about.
There must be a free clinic somewhere near you and I would recommend that you see a doctor about any possible physical reasons for your anxiety, sleeplessness and irritability. Dealing with all the things in your life, it wouldn't be out of the question to suspect you're dealing with some depression. Hopefully they won't just push some pills at you, but will help you find free, or very low cost, therapy.
In the meantime, while you are trying to put all of this together, I suggest you get hold of your close friends and arrange regular get togethers just to talk. You don't have to go out on the town, which you can't afford, you could simply invite them over for some lemonaide under a shady tree. Talking with our friends can be the best therapy of all and will make you feel less alone and isolated. I realize it's not as much fun as going out, but for now, it's what you can afford. If you reach out to your friends for help, I'm sure they will be more than happy to rally around you in this time of need. (Everybody needs to be needed)
I may not have been much help, but I want to make the point that there is a solution to almost every problem we face, but we can't just "sit at dads" and wait for it to knock on the door. YOU have to get pro-active and seek out the help you need. You obviously have access to a computer, and through that you should be able to tap into many avenues of help.
I don't want to sound harsh, as you've been, and ARE going through more than most, but you can't continue to wallow in your problems. It's time to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and make things happen. No one else is going to do it for you.
You say you're going back to school, so that right there is an incredibly positive first step.
Now take the next one.
We are always here if you need us and we all wish you the very best.
Peace
Greenlydia
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