do truly gay people ever doubt to themselves that they are gay?

[ihatethiscrap]

im talkin about when they first realize it.. do they ever think "crap what if im gay?" or "i might be gay?" or do they just know it all along.

i think ive been suffering from hocd. ive posted on here a couple times now (people who have replied to my other posts are going to probly get frustrated when they see this one). but ive been told that if i truly was gay i would know. but i dont know.. i THINK. i MIGHT be.. ive had heterosexual experiences. and i thought i liked them. but what if i thought i like that just cus i didnt know i was truly gay and would enjoy a gay experience more?. when i first looked at gay porn it freaked and grossed me out. but i tried it recently and it wasnt as bad as it was.. still id like to think that it was kind of disturbing. but my thoughts are so distorted i think right now that idk what i find disturbing and what i dont.. i dont want to be gay.. but its startin to feel inevitable.

now when i get gay thoughts i think maybe its not so much hocd as repressed feelings that im ashamed of? i know these sound like the typical hocd questions but i just cant put down in writing what im truly going thru it feels like..

new people reading this read my other posts too if you like and tell me what you think. id appreciate it..

and ps. im guna see a counselor as soon as i get to school.. i just want a few more questions answered..

[Julie359]

Have you been brought up to believe that being gay is wrong? Either by family members or friends around you or both? Parents can play a massive part in giving a child the confidence to be who they truely are and if your parents are very anti-gay or the people around you are then of course your going to try to repress your natural feelings.

The reason I feel you have grown up in this type of environment is the fact that you so clearly think that being gay, as you quoted, is disgusting, gross. Are you a religious person?  Where you live or close by are there any gay bars or cafes you can go to, maybe try to make a couple of friends with guys and girls who are gay, see how you feel in that environment.  Go onto gay chat web-sites maybe and chat to other gay guys, see how you honestly feel.

The one thing I would say is yoiu shouldn't deny who you are out of fear of what others may think of you, you are a unique and special individual who was born to be who you are... Listen to lady gaga's song, born this way.. She is right, you need to be truthful to yourself, cause you need to know there is nothing wrong with being gay.  I can openly say I've had two lesbian experiences in my time, and yes I would consider myself bisexual. One teenage daughter has declared ahe is fully lesbian and the other daughter bi-sexual.. And I'm fully suportive of them.  I'm actually extremely proud of them for being themselves and not trying to fit in with how society thinks we all should be.

Let me quote you a saying.... Why do we keep trying to fit in when we are born to stand out!!  

Experiement, go places where gay guys are and chat, have fun.. Stop seeing this as something to be ashamed of... There is nothing shameful in accepting who you are!  

[pottsem]

what a great way to respond (your first post about encouraging counseling) my roomies are gay and ever so often when they get drunk and sleep with men they question their sexuality the next morning, but then go back 24 hours later to not caring about the lingering doubt- what do you think about this- how should I respond?

[nursegirl6572]

ihatethiscrap...

Many people wouldn't know what HOCD is.  It is actually not a recognized diagnosis, just nore of an adopted term to explain the overwhelming fear of being homosexual.  Just wanted to clairfy that for you...it isn't common knowledge for most people.

[DefectorQC]

Hummm, i'm gay and as a kid I was already aware that I was more attracted to guys than girls BUT some of my gay friends discover it more later in their life, I think it's different for everyone. My best friend, who is gay, had many girlfriend between 18yo and  20 yo, and he discover later that he was gay, he explain to me that he was already aware about the fact that he was attracted to men before, but wasn't really ready to live his gay life... Also, for me being gay don't mean to be different, live in the gay village, and do things like that... I live a normal life, have straight, bisexual, and gay friends, my life is normal and my  anxiety disorders are not linked to that. I don't feel reject when peoples told me they don't like gay peoples or understand how it's possible to know as a kid that someone is gay...  and I agree that it can be very difficult for some peoples to be who they are really cause they are afraid to told their families and friends that they are gay... or bisexual... For me it was the main problem... And no, I never had sex with girls cause they don't attract me, so it's possible to be gay at 100% even if you don't experience sex with a girl... That's an important point here cause a lot of peoples say that it's impossible to know that you are gay if you don't have sex with the opposite sex...

[JGF25]

Please tell me you saw the counselor, or are they not back in school yet?

[ihatethiscrap]

and i know it doesnt matter what you think n all that n what not but look up HOCD and then let me in on ur opinion. ive read some things on here that scream hocd but you can never really be sure. idk man.. from reading your stories i feel like im different than what you have been through. like i am straight. my brother fits more your story if anything. but then again i also feel different from some of my straight friends because im not always on the "***** prowl"  

and just wondering, if you dont know what hocd is what are you doing on this forum thing? i dont mean this offensively at all, by any means, im just wondering.. its just one of those questions that popped into my head.