do truly gay people ever doubt to themselves that they are gay?

[ihatethiscrap]

im talkin about when they first realize it.. do they ever think "crap what if im gay?" or "i might be gay?" or do they just know it all along.

i think ive been suffering from hocd. ive posted on here a couple times now (people who have replied to my other posts are going to probly get frustrated when they see this one). but ive been told that if i truly was gay i would know. but i dont know.. i THINK. i MIGHT be.. ive had heterosexual experiences. and i thought i liked them. but what if i thought i like that just cus i didnt know i was truly gay and would enjoy a gay experience more?. when i first looked at gay porn it freaked and grossed me out. but i tried it recently and it wasnt as bad as it was.. still id like to think that it was kind of disturbing. but my thoughts are so distorted i think right now that idk what i find disturbing and what i dont.. i dont want to be gay.. but its startin to feel inevitable.

now when i get gay thoughts i think maybe its not so much hocd as repressed feelings that im ashamed of? i know these sound like the typical hocd questions but i just cant put down in writing what im truly going thru it feels like..

new people reading this read my other posts too if you like and tell me what you think. id appreciate it..

and ps. im guna see a counselor as soon as i get to school.. i just want a few more questions answered..

[BluCrystal]

WOW!!!  I wish my keyboard had an 'applause' button!  I am a bi female, and this is the very first time I have heard a gay man speak so frankly and eloquently about his sexuality.  I learned a lot reading your post, and thank you for sharing it!!! - Blu

[naturalone69]

just want to follow this thread

[naturalone69]

Just be yourself buddy. Don"t ever let anyone decide for you if your gay or straight. That is for you to decide. I am a gay male and I had an experience at 4 yrs of age and when alittle older looked at guys and fantasised about them. I often wonder based on seeing an object and visualizing it as a males part I was abused as at a very young age. For me its hard to say where those feelings and /or thoughts came from but what i do know is i like guys. Now dont freek out guys cause the truth be told. just bacause someone is gay does not mean we are going to attack you, lol. What bothers me is one cannot do anything another does not want. So why is there homophobia and why do straight men watch porn with men and women. You are watching another man!!!!! Now why? Why watch another man? That makes you bi at least!! I am being a devils advocate her and my point being is its all situational. You now I flirt on the straight lines and you now the number of men that you do it with a nother guy if there was a woman involved. Its all the way we look at things. I dont knwo how old u are, but teens go through this natural cycle. We now live in an age where previously woman were cool if they were bi and well now guys are comming along and quite honestly i have had a few guys say no im stright but thanks for finding me interesting!!! That totally blows me away. Guys that are sure of themselves but appreciate the diversity and people being themselves. Remember one thing you are probably just wondering what its like from the other pespective. You saw a gay porn and we all have what is refered as mirroring which means when we see womething sexual we feel what the other person is feeling therefore it becomes real You my friend are no different. I personally beacause of anxiety and depression due to abuse and being gay was a loner and have friends but none close. I go to a bar and met one guy a couple weeks ago and we chatted and enjoyed talking. I asked may i and went to slowly give him a hug which he hugged too. i went to pull away after a moment of hugging and he kept the embrace and so i did for a moment longer. ther was absolutely nothing sexual and i could tell. he probably liked the affection and nneding some care as i did at that time. it was genuine.Guys are seen as these maucho guys andwell whats wrong with caring about others and you know what i did not have any feelings toward this guy other than he is a nice and warm person. and felt like he cared at that moment about me as a person. does this make one gay, no!! so lets be careful by pigeon holing people into areas that no one has a right to judge. be with real caring people who are not in it for there own selves bud. be yourself, but a word of caution, ther are gays who will exploit this and tell you that you are or try to get you into bed. no different than heteros. dont let anyone judge you. if a person cares they will talk with you and listen and allow you to speak and critique yourself, but dont let thoughts be entertained in your head and careful whom you speak with. a counsellor is a good start only to examine thoughts and patterns  just make sure he or she is a good therapist who is neither for or against gays. they are there for your interst. i have a therapist who supports gays, but in no way trys to say im ill because of it nor say im definately gay.  anyways bud, take care and i hope to chat with you and learn how things are going. be yourself and remember there are people who care!!

[RubyWitch]

I'm sorry to say that I haven't read your other posts, so I may be missing some salient points. I just wanted to tell you that my 26 year old son is gay and he has told me he knew when he was quite young and never had any doubts about his sexual orientation. My gay friends, male and female, have told me they always knew they were "different," but some didn't figure out in what way until they were teen-agers. I think that's pretty normal as most of us don't think about our sexuality until we hit puberty.
Seeing a counselor will be good and was a very wise decision on your part.
May I give you one piece of advice? Actually, I guess it's more my opinion than advice, some will disagree with me, but I believe this to be the absolute truth. Being gay is NOT a choice.
As others here have told you, when the confusion passes, whoever you are, be proud.
Peace
Greenlydia

[JGF25]

if you put the mouse pointer on my name in the above post, there is a "send a message" and you can just leave a message there.  But it will only be me if you do that.  If you keep posting here on the forum, you will get a lot of advice from different people,

I really liked what ThatGuy1989 had to say.  

[ihatethiscrap]

JGF25, which post are you talkin about? ive just recently responded to a few hocd posts on stuckinadoorway.org.. i would rather talk to another hocd person on here and ask all my questions to them then go see a counselor. at least to start.. cus as of right now i cant tell whats real and whats hocd. its like its neutral..i wish it is hocd tho. i pray it is. i used to love the female body before this.. now its like "or did i really? or did i psyche myself out.." and that question is gettin stronger and stronger.. maybe i liked it because it was different?

jgf25 do u have a message board i can reach you by? u seem to respond to my posts the most and i would like to keep talking to you. i really think its hocd some days.. but other days im in horrible doubt. if you do have an instant message think, if thats even possible on this website, please let me know. idk if i need to hear from a professional rather than someone who went thru this. i feel like a therapist would try and take a different route than ocd you know? i want it to be hocd.. but i want it to stop too