help from someone -- anyone, please..

[peaceinknowing]

I need some help with what I'm going through, so hopefully I get a few responses. I honestly have nowhere else to turn with this -- so I'm in high hopes that there's someone else out there going through the same thing[s] that I have been for the course of the past three years. To start, I'd like to give you all a little bit of background.

About two years ago, I had severe abdominal pains and my husband took me to the ER to get checked out. I was given medicines through my IV, and had a horrible reaction to them. My heart rate went from the mid 70s to almost 200. I was hooked up to a heart monitor while this was going on, and I started to scream at the people who were in the room -- asking them if I was going to die or not. I then told them all to leave the room except for the nurse, who'd administered the medicine to me via the IV, and when it was just her and I in the room, I kept telling her to reassure me that I wasn't going to die. I kept telling her that I needed to KNOW I wasn't going to die from whatever was going on with me at that point. The machines were beeping so loud because my BP was up and so was my heart rate. I was jittery and felt like I was going to faint. I don't remember much after that, other than I was sent home an hour or so later after I was able to calm myself down. Since then, I've had this fear of medicine and what it might do to me. Not only that, but I've had a fear of dying and my heart -- almost like a heart attack or something.

A few months after that, I had what I'm assuming is a bad panic attack. These have started to come and go more and more as the days go on. I put my finger to the side of my neck 100s of times a day just to check my pulse, and to make sure that my heart isn't racing too fast, etc. I'm not sure if this is normal, or what I shoild do about it -- but I know that I need help and input from people who might be able to help me understand and/or get through this right now.

Thanks in advance for your words of wisdom, and to all of those who respond to my post. I know that these are panic attacks -- but I feel like I have a "weird" form of them, where I am afraid of medications [that I've never taken before in the past] and what they will do to me. Not only that, but I have a weird deal with checking my pulse all throughout the day on the side of my neck.

[MrGreen]

Well you just have to be honest with them. It is the only way that you can get help. It is pointless staying as you are. Life can be far greater for you. Medication is the one thing we all hate most of all. But we have all just sucked it up and took what we were given. We had no choice really. It was the only road back, Weigh it all up. The life you live now against the life you could be living? Low dose of something. Your doctor won't go over board once he knows your fears. He will let you see the tablets won't kill you. Get you used to them. Then you can take it from there. Well worth the effort. To overcome your big fear of medication.

[peaceinknowing]

Thanks for all of the responses. It's always good to know that you're not alone in the world when it comes to something like anxiety attacks. I guess I do need to go see a doctor about this, but the only thing holding me back from it is if they give me something to take for my anxiety. I feel like if I take medication, I might have a reaction to it and die. I know it sounds silly to some, but this is just the way I think and feel throughout my days here on earth. I'm scared to take medication that I've never taken before, and that's a hard thing to tell doctors when they write you out for something.

I will never forget one time I had a panic attack, they gave me Ativane [sp?] and after I took it, my heartrate when even faster because I was scared of what the medication was going to do to me. Not only that, but the attack lasted almost two hours and my heart felt like it was literally going to come out of my chest once and for all.

[OnTheRox]

Everything is going to be ok. Panic attacks suck and it always feels like in the back of your head that no one understands what you're going through but believe me you're not alone. I've had PA's for years and BAD episodes where I was pulling my hair out and the whole shabang. I HATE taking medication. I feel like I'm going to have every side effect the drug has to offer. But here's the thing. You can't "live in your head". It will only make things worse. Personally, I had to "fake it until I made it." Through a combination of therapy, drugs, and a great husband I have learned to manage my PA's. Don't get me wrong they suck, but I don't let them get blown out of proportion like I used to. I tell myself, I'm having a panic attack and that it will pass. I take a half of a 5MG zanex and it does.

Bottom line, once you learn to manage it you'll go through periods where things are good and then you'll have something bad happen and you'll start getting scared that the PA's will come back. Do your best to ignore these worries. Tell yourself that you're strong and that you're ok and eventually you'll believe it. Good luck honey. I know it's hard but you can do it.

[frue13]

Yes I did this all the time.   (checking pulse)  What you need to do is trust the doctors.  That night in the hospitol you had a panic attack.   I also had them too.  You must rely that if they released you your heart was fine.   Thats why I said you need to see a therapist.  Health anxiety is the worst of them all.  It took me 6 months to beat the bugger.  

Please look up my old post on OLAY.  This will help the healing process.

[Paxiled]

You don't have the same kind of anxiety most of us here have because you know what caused it.  For most of us it just came on us and didn't have the courtesy to leave.  So for you, therapy is the best choice to work out the fear you had from a very real event.  What you have is more like PTSD, you need to work through it and hopefully come out the other side.  Good luck.

[peaceinknowing]

Does anyone else go through what I am going through? Checking their heart rate all the time, etc...?

[peaceinknowing]

The nurse gave me Benadryl and Zofran. Those are the names of the medications that were administered to me through the IV that night. I know what you're saying right now, and I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who has reacted to "life" in the ways that I have as of late. There's a lot more to the story, but didn't want to have people dozing off by the middle of my post -- HAHA -- you know what I mean?

It's not just a fear of medications and what side effects they'll have with me and/or my body. I'm always afraid that I'm going to go to sleep and not wake up the next morning. I love my life. I know people say that all the time and it gets old; But I truly enjoy living my life, even though [like normal people] it's had it's ups and downs every now and then.

After this incident happened, anxiety for me got much worse than it ever was. Around this time, my fiance [now husband] and myself were just getting engaged to one another. All throughout his life, he had bad panic attacks -- especially when he was younger, and had even missed a lot of days from school because he's panic as soon as he'd walk into the classroom. Keep in mind, this was when he was VERY young, not through his high school years or anything. BUT, his panic attacks have now gone away. When he would first start to tell me about these attacks he had, I would always sort of laugh under my breath about it. How could anyone panic over such little things in life to the point where they felt as though they were having a heart attack?

Look at me now, right???

[MrGreen]

Loads of people fear medication. It is normal with anxiety sufferers and people who may have depression as well. They fear side effects. Effects the tablets might have on them. Fear getting hooked on medication. Many fears surrounding medication. So you are no different in that respect. So put that one fear to the side. Well, let us pretend they had that one form of medication with no side effects and no bad reactions at all, that you couldn't get hooked on. Would you give it a go then? It is obvious that your time in hospital has left a mark on your mind. The whole bad reaction thing you had there. But we have no idea what they gave you then? Do you know the name of it? Might be able to figure out why you reacted it to it like you did. It might have been to sedate you. But you might not of wanted to be sedated.

The think about panic attacks is that if you get no help for them they will embed themselves deeper in the subconscious mind. Longer you leave them the harder they will be to get rid of. So getting help would be a good start. A talk with your doctor. Just to begin with. Explain the fear of medication.

But something I like to do is keep track of my bad moments. If I ever feel off I write down what I was doing at the time. What I was thinking at the time. How I reacted to the feelings. The whole thing been that they are all related. Locked together. One triggers the other. Then I try to change just one of them. Could I have reacted in a different way? Did I have to think as I thought. Which would be a negative thought. Could I have just said ' here we go again, but it has passed before and it will pass again'. Just something to maybe try for now at home. To try and see what triggers your panic off.

But there is lots of help out there. You are far from alone. As you can see from this forum. We all have our problems. The symptoms may vary. But we are all in the same boat. Just keep your head up and here's hoping things can pick up for you.

[frue13]

This is classic anxiety/panic attack.    You health anxiety and need to sek out talk therapy.