Relentless

[Tobias9]

I believe what I have is anxiety although my mind keeps telling otherwise. I am 29 years old, married and a father of three. I have had panic attacks earlier in my late teens and early twenties about HIV and fear of having surgery. I also had dizzy spells a few years ago believing it was a brain tumor. I was able to conquer the HIV fear and the surgery I never went through to get my wisdom teeth pulled. For the brain tumor fear I have had an MRI and saw a neuroligist. I was prescribed paxil for the surgery fear and years later for the tumor buspar. I still felt dizzy after I stopped taking the buspar so I turned to alcohol which seemed to make the sense of vertigo disappear. For two years almost I have been drinking everyday to cope.  Recently though I have taken a turn for the worst. I was home with my kids on a sat. morning when I began to feel extremely weak and shaky. In a matter of an hour I thought my time had come. I could not walk without feeling like I was going to slip away. My heart was racing and I had terrible tremors. I was able to fall asleep after my wife returned home and felt somewhat better after. Two weeks have passed since that attack and I feel worse. I have given up the drinking in light of this but feel no different. My heart races for several minutes and during that time I have extreme nervousness. Throughout the day I feel nothing but fear and nervousness. I visited the doctor and explained my symptoms.
      I explained how my heart races fast and hard for what seems like hours with great fear and I feel physically weak. After eating meals my heart will race and pound hard. Chilling feelings of terror come and go throughout the day. Dizziness and shaking also plague me through the day. I sometimes also have the feeling of fainting from being so dizzy and weak. I feel like there is no end. I wake up fearful. I seem to only find comfort at night before I go to bed. Other symptoms I have are no appetite and a sense of doom like nothing feels normal or real. I was put on zoloft at 25mg a day. This seemed to only worsen my feelings and body. My heart would race and other side effects occurred such as dry mouth, headache and loss of appetite. I then called the doctor about the medication and was told to stop taking it only after 3 days. I am retuning to the doctor tomorrow to receive more help. These feelings are now persistent throughout the day. I feel like I have lost my life to which there is no end to these symptoms. Please help if anyone can. I feel like I am losing everything.

[pegasus209]

Hi Tobias.
So many of us can relate and we really do understand.  Try to take some solace in knowing you are not alone. The feelings and symptoms are HORRIBLE, but as girlwithnolife said, just keep reminding yourself that they cannot and will not hurt you.
  I've been wrestling with this for some time and recently had a complete meltdown after being off the meds for awhile. (I thought I was doing good, but it caught up to me and returned with a vengeance).  You may need to experiment with medications to come up with the best solution for you, I am still working on that too.  I have just discovered this forum myself and there are so many caring and knowledgeable people here!

[cj29]

I was in and out of the ER a lot when I was going through this.  Don't let it get you down too much (I know it is much easier said than done though).  Heck, I felt I was there so much that I should have had my own parking space.  

The good thing that will come out of this, in my experience, is that you are going to learn a WHOLE lot about yourself, anxiety, and how to overcome this challenge and become a much more well rounded person once you get to the other side.  I think that you hit the nail on the head, when you said that you felt better talking about it...learning about this will give you the knowledge to confront it.  There will be ups and downs along the way, so don't beat yourself up about it....you will get through it.  So many of us have been there and it is just that much better when you rise to the challenge and beat it...keep us posted!

[girlwithnolife]

Hi, I am sorry to hear of all your panic problems but I can relate. I have had panic disorder since I was 6 and am now 50. It is a horrible thing to live with. You need to get an appropriate therapist and psychiatrist and get on some meds that work for you. I am on paxil CR 25 mg a day and valium as needed which has all but got rid of the panic attacks but still have some anxiety which I can deal with. I totally understand your symptoms as I had those and more. Just remember they are just symptoms of your mind and they CANNOT and WILL NOT kill you. Try to distract yourself with something that interests you. I found that just walking real fast helped get rid of some energy. And if you ever need to just vent or some 1 to talk to I am here. Good luck and DON'T WORRY! I know easier said than done

[Tobias9]

Well i just returned from the lovely ER. I couldn't handle the feelings I was having. They were a living hell. I started the day by typing my first post and felt just okay. I figured since it's mothers day I would join my wife and her family for brunch. From there all hell broke lose. I had no appetite but still tried to eat something because that's what you do when you go out to eat. Anyways about a half hour into breakfast my pulse began to race and I had shortness of breath. I stood up to step outside and felt like passing out. I returned inside to tell my wife it's time to leave...now! At the ER they did the usual vital checks and sent me to a room to await a doctor. Doctor also asks a couple of questions and checks my heart. I explained my symptoms to the fullest making sure every detail was there. After the doctor left a social worker showed up to get some background info on me and ask some other personal questions. The end result was a script for ativan which seems to take the edge off but for how long I dont know. I am also seeking a therapist because just talking to the social worker made me feel alot better. I hope to overcome this ordeal or at least control it. TY for the post cj29!

[cj29]

I am sorry that you are dealing with this right now.  Anxiety can be really difficult to overcome sometimes.  I have seen that you have been proactive in your approach and I applaud you for that.  Throughout all of this, have you been able to go see a therapist to talk through these issues?  For me, I did not really get a grasp on handling this until I talked it through with a professional.  Also, remember that panic, anxiety, stress can cause all sorts of physical symptoms, especially when we are looking for them.  Keep on working through it and feel free to share with us as many questions, concerns, and experiences as you like!