no money, no work, more anxiety

[erin626]

My anxiety is going crazy. I found a job but its only bartending 3 nights a week and that's just not cutting it. I've had several interviews but no luck getting hired anywhere. Right now my rent for february is still not paid, my electric bill hasn't been paid in 6 months and my cable bill is well past due. I don't know how I can do this. Especially because I didn't work at all last week because my anxiety was so bad. I feel like my financial situation is making my anxiety worse but then when I have to work I can't because I'm in a constant state of panic. I am so incredibly depressed. All I want to do is cry. Sometimes I wish something would happen to me..like a freak car accident or something. I feel like death would be much more pleasant than the awful life I've been enduring. I would never kill myself..that's not what I'm saying. But at this point my life just feels like its over. I'm in so much debt I don't know how to recover because I can't work like a normal human being.

[Alisonj29]

Good for you Erin!!!!!

[erin626]

Its a deal and you're getting your tooth pulled because I only have an hour left of work and I'm going to make it. Hit a few tough spots tonight but I did it.

Thank you everyone

[DJ873]

you can do this erin!! if you stick it out i will not run out on getting my tooth pulled tomorrow deal???? we can do this

[Alisonj29]

Hugs, feel free to message me anytime

[erin626]

I'm worrying about the cable bill last as its not a neccesity. I'm going to call the electric company about getting on a payment plan. I have 2 job interviews this week that I really hope go well. I'm just going to work my butt off no matter how awful I feel. I'm not going to feel better by not working. I think what's the lesser of two evils...being at work for 7 hours and being anxious or being home constantly anxious because of my financial situation. My anxiety makes me think being home would be best for me but I think my current situation bega to differ.

But I'm focusing on two bills. The one being automatically deducted from my account on sunday for phone service and on rent. Everything else can take a back seat until those are taken care of. When I think about everything at once I just feel sick and anxious.

I may need some major support while I'm at work tonight. I'll probably be checking in.

[Alisonj29]

There is a light at the end of the tunnel Erin, its just hard to see when it feels like everything is piling up. Do you have items that you dont really use you could sell? Can you get back to the very basics with phone, cable etc? Maybe you can plead to disabililty that its an urgent case. Also call the electric company and explain your situation and they will usually accept minimal payments for a few months to help. Keeping you in my thoughts

[mammo]

Hi Erin, it's a start!  Even working part-time you are entitled to help, so check out all the agencies in your area.  You'll meet a lot of people bartending and a better job offer may come your way, plus being busy may help with your anxiety.  Talk to everyone you owe and explain your circumstances, most companies will work with you.  Good for you on not giving in to your anxiety, that's a big step in the right direction!!  I hope it goes well for you, and good luck!

[erin626]

Thank you everyone. I've been looking into disability..but its a long process. When I see my therapist this week he's going to help me get my medical records in order for it. I'm going to look up food banks in my area as I was denied food stamps since I have no children. I'm trying to stay positive and pray for help. My mom can no longer help. She's in a rough spot and was paying my car payment but can no longer afford to. And my dad...well he's an interesting guy..he's going the tough love route and making me figure this out on my own. My boyfriend is as stressed and sick over everything as I am. He was laid off for a month and he's back to work but we're so severely behind its almost impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish we could move back in with parents but our families are in baltimore and we live in pittsburgh. We couldn't afford the move if we wanted to.

I work tonight and although I'm incredibly anxious about it I'm not giving into my anxiety this time. I need the money even if its slow and I make $50. That's $50 closer to paying these massive bills off.

I'm so sorry that everyone has struggled with this. Its awful. I wish I could start over and forget about everything. But life will go on whether I want it to or not.

[RubyWitch]

I've been there, too, erin........in fact, I'm STILL there. But you have youth on your side. I'm almost 60 and my husband is 62. He lost his job 2 years ago and while I've managed to keep mine, I don't make anywhere near enough to pay for everything. Our biggest struggle is trying to hang onto our home............I know alot about past due bills.
I know this idea will probably not appeal to you, but is there a chance you could move back into your folks house on a VERY temporary basis just until you find a better job and hopefully some help to get your anxiety under control? Our oldest son at 28 hit a rough patch and moved back in for about 6 months......we weren't able to help him out financially, but we could put a roof over his head and food. That's what families do for each other. I do realize not everyone has as good a relationship with their folks, it was just a thought. And in this economy, there is absolutely no shame in taking shelter from the storm.
I wish you peace
Greenlydia

[DJ873]

Hey we have a food bank here, a community aid that helps with bills, also the electric company has assistance programs. I too get disability for now while i deal with this issue so there are programs that do help. It does get to be a viscious cycle and I too have drug the bottom, cried alot, got mad alot, didn't care if i lived or not alot,  but once you get things going in a better direction it does get better. hugs to you our fellow sufferer. Are you trying any self help? there are some great books out there.

[Alisonj29]

Huge hugs. I have been there Erin. I am not sure where you live but is their a disability benefit? I was/am on disability for my anxiety and panic attacks. I am not sure if it would be alot more than the bartending or not. I know here they will pay off your electric bill for you and then so much comes off your check each month to pay it. When my husband and I both lost our jobs in December it  was very hard. It took 8 weeks for Steve to start getting EI and I had to go back on disability. With three kids it was beyond tough. I would look into any options for help you have available, are their family members or friends that can help you out? It really does not make life any easier for the anxiety and stress at all. I would really look into disability or something. Hope you can find something soon.