I am in my 30's and never fully been on my OWN. I feel so sad and low. I have very low self esteem/confidence. Went through two hellish decades of severe mental abuse, from my manic/narcissistic mother. Threats, constant belittling, screaming, hitting, etc. Some days I don't even feel human. I think my mind numbed out even basic human rights and emotions. She'd yell, 'You don't have the Right to ..blah, blah.' all the time. My mind began to believe I have no rights, to anything. To love, joy, happiness, or even sharing anger or sadness ever. It was awful. She's one of the most volatile, Mean beings i've EVER come across. Will rage about NOTHING. I still live with her because she made me feel I can't trust 'me'. That I am irresponsible, lazy etc. Yet I feel that is ALL I've been in life- pleasing others, making A's in school, even graduating honors from college. But I still believe the toxic **** that was thrown at me almost daily. I am not working currently, but trying to find a part time job- full time is a lot for me; I suspect I have PTSD, as I am super hypervigilant and anxious in jobs. Wondering every hour what I've done 'wrong'. It's just horrible and I'm trying to get a therapist now too. Had some in past, but they were very quiet in nature,and didn't offer me too much. I just want to feel I can do this on my own, have my OWN life. But I second guess EVERYTHING. I read recently adult kids of narcissists have self doubt a lot. And sometimes crippling anxiety, Like I've had about several things. Any tips or anyone with similar experience, thank you so much.