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NurseGirl, GreenLydia...HELP!
Hey Nursegirl and Greenlydia...
Nursegirl, you're going to want to strangle me. You helped me tremendously a few months back when I was convinced I had HIV. Thank God, I got over that. I was doing great for quite a number of weeks until I realized that "hmmm...I have been twitching a lot lately and man, do I have some sore muscles!" Unfortunately, my happy-go-lucky newfound attitude went south very quick. I did the unthinkable and googled my symptoms. Of course, you probably know what came up (anyone reading this with those symptoms DO NOT google them) and my world came crashing down.
I cannot begin to tell you how seriously bad I became. I became so sick and paralyzed with fear that I went to bed and couldn't get back out. I googled on a Friday and that weekend I spent in the bed literally crying and convinced I was a goner. That Monday, I unbelievably was able to get in and see a neurologist. Yes, one took me without a referral and on the same day I called. It was nothing short of a miracle. I think God saw I needed relief or I was going to die from anxiety...literally. Not only did the neuro see me, he also gave me the gold standard tests for what I was fearing.
Of course, you can imagine...it came back all clear. My clinical and tests were all clear. Yeah!!! Happy-go-lucky is back...feeling great! Only...now three weeks later I realize, my twitching has not gone away...it has subsided some but not completely gone. I start noticing other things that weren't there before. My world didn't crash but I can tell you, I'm having trouble again. I'm a full-blown sufferer of health anxiety now. I keep telling myself, "you had a clean test and clinical!!!" That voice doesn't seem to calm me sometimes. I cannot make myself believe I am ok and that I am suffering from anxiety and a benign condition.
You ladies are very smart and knowledgeable about many things. How can I deal with health anxiety? I certainly cannot go running to a doctor every time I get a little ache or pain or twitch. Am I truly dealing with anxiety? I question that sometimes. I cannot make myself believe that anxiety can cause all these physical symptoms. Help me...
Nursegirl, you're going to want to strangle me. You helped me tremendously a few months back when I was convinced I had HIV. Thank God, I got over that. I was doing great for quite a number of weeks until I realized that "hmmm...I have been twitching a lot lately and man, do I have some sore muscles!" Unfortunately, my happy-go-lucky newfound attitude went south very quick. I did the unthinkable and googled my symptoms. Of course, you probably know what came up (anyone reading this with those symptoms DO NOT google them) and my world came crashing down.
I cannot begin to tell you how seriously bad I became. I became so sick and paralyzed with fear that I went to bed and couldn't get back out. I googled on a Friday and that weekend I spent in the bed literally crying and convinced I was a goner. That Monday, I unbelievably was able to get in and see a neurologist. Yes, one took me without a referral and on the same day I called. It was nothing short of a miracle. I think God saw I needed relief or I was going to die from anxiety...literally. Not only did the neuro see me, he also gave me the gold standard tests for what I was fearing.
Of course, you can imagine...it came back all clear. My clinical and tests were all clear. Yeah!!! Happy-go-lucky is back...feeling great! Only...now three weeks later I realize, my twitching has not gone away...it has subsided some but not completely gone. I start noticing other things that weren't there before. My world didn't crash but I can tell you, I'm having trouble again. I'm a full-blown sufferer of health anxiety now. I keep telling myself, "you had a clean test and clinical!!!" That voice doesn't seem to calm me sometimes. I cannot make myself believe I am ok and that I am suffering from anxiety and a benign condition.
You ladies are very smart and knowledgeable about many things. How can I deal with health anxiety? I certainly cannot go running to a doctor every time I get a little ache or pain or twitch. Am I truly dealing with anxiety? I question that sometimes. I cannot make myself believe that anxiety can cause all these physical symptoms. Help me...
Thanks Nursegirl. I'm over the HIV anxiety. I really was able to move past that. I had an anxiety about a devastating neurological condition because I was having symptoms that matched that condition. That sent me into a death spiral. I am feeling better now. I stopped some meds I was taking because I felt like they were contributing. I also spent several days fasting and only drinking water. My intention was to draw close to God and have Him increase my faith. It has definitely helped. I feel I have stronger faith now. I feel much better now and the symptom I was most worried about has subsided greatly to almost being non-existent. I know that symptom will most likely come back but I feel like I can deal with it now.
Like you, I had a serious panic attack and felt like I could not go on. Mandy, I had moments over the past week and a half where I yelled out at God and asked Him if He was even there. My family has been through hell lately and often I questioned whether He was there and if He was, He apparently wanted us to go through what we've been going through for some reason. I turned a corner on Sunday at my church when the Sunday school teacher taught on believing and trusting in the Lord and then the pastor turned right around and preached on when Jesus was asleep in the boat during a storm and the discipiles asked "Master, do you not care that we die?" And he said, "Peace, be still" and "Why do you fear? How is it that you have no faith?" I felt like in the cartoons when big neon signs pop up with arrows blinking at me.
I'm still learning to be at peace with whatever comes because I know good people suffer and I have no answer for that. At this point, I'm trying not to dwell on something I can't control and start doing something about what I can control. I know not everyone believes in God nor in heaven but I certainly do and moreso now than ever. This life is "but a vapor" so we all need to learn how to enjoy it more and kick fear's butt. Boy, I sure have a whole lot of learning to do on that.
Like you, I had a serious panic attack and felt like I could not go on. Mandy, I had moments over the past week and a half where I yelled out at God and asked Him if He was even there. My family has been through hell lately and often I questioned whether He was there and if He was, He apparently wanted us to go through what we've been going through for some reason. I turned a corner on Sunday at my church when the Sunday school teacher taught on believing and trusting in the Lord and then the pastor turned right around and preached on when Jesus was asleep in the boat during a storm and the discipiles asked "Master, do you not care that we die?" And he said, "Peace, be still" and "Why do you fear? How is it that you have no faith?" I felt like in the cartoons when big neon signs pop up with arrows blinking at me.
I'm still learning to be at peace with whatever comes because I know good people suffer and I have no answer for that. At this point, I'm trying not to dwell on something I can't control and start doing something about what I can control. I know not everyone believes in God nor in heaven but I certainly do and moreso now than ever. This life is "but a vapor" so we all need to learn how to enjoy it more and kick fear's butt. Boy, I sure have a whole lot of learning to do on that.
I am going threw a lot of the stuff that you are worriednate, Ive been in bed for a week, getting up to make a coffee seems to stress me and my anxiety and panic attacks take over. Im not eating and now my brain feels like its having panic attacks of its own ......thoughts are everywhere and dont make sense. Im scared im need to be in a mental hospital for life also so i feel for you.
Im sorry but i dont have faith in god, ive been threw too much to believe, hope you can keep yours as its hard to hang on when you dont believe in anything
Im sorry but i dont have faith in god, ive been threw too much to believe, hope you can keep yours as its hard to hang on when you dont believe in anything
Normal anxiety is rational, because it is part of survival, watching out for danger. The irrational part is when it can't be stopped even after the danger is proven to not exist.
The hard part is turning off the watching urge when it keeps nagging at you.
The hard part is turning off the watching urge when it keeps nagging at you.
I am a very educated person who can think logically in everything else...why can't I think rationally and logically when it comes to this mess?
Because THIS type of anxiety (anxiety that isn't a result of regular life stressors) IS irrational in and of itself. Anxiety is very irrational.
Look at someone with panic disorder (like myself). I am one of the most reasonable, logical, scientific type thinkers, but when I have had a panic attack...all bets are off. My rational mind leaves me and I "what if" myself into a frenzy.
HIV anxiety is very much the same. Almost ALWAYS it stems from some kind of sexual indiscretion that causes very high levels of guilt and regret. Add to that the fact that most of the general population have a very overinflated view about HIV and how it's transmitted...and you have a perfect recipe for some serious anxiety.
Sometimes, once a person has either tested negative, or managed to give it some time to accept that indeed they are dealing with guilt, and not HIV.... and they don't have an HIV concern...they can move on. A lot more can not. They ruminate for months, even years. We have people on the HIV forum who have been coming here for YEARS, obsessing about HIV. People get so upset when we tell them to move on and get help, but OMG, if we didn't, it would be twice the zoo over there than it is normally. You guys all know how it is. Some people create hundreds of usernames because they get banned over and over because they just can NOT stop asking the SAME thing over and over, searching for that momentary reassurance.
So, take the HIV aspect out of it for a minute and look at it as an anxiety problem. If you had been in a car wreck and anxiety was consuming your thoughts and affecting your life..you would probably get help right? Because you would know you were struggling with anxiety. This is no different...the CAUSE of the anxiety is irrelevant.
You have to understand that continuing to search the web for HIV symptoms is only fueling the anxiety..it truly is. Back to the car wreck scenario. If you noticed you were still thinking about car safety, googling auto safety info, and videos with crash test dummies...what would you think that would do for the anxiety? Just like the HIV anxiety, for a short time, you are reassured and relieved (like you would be after I explain how you don't have an HIV worry)..but that's short-lived. Then, before you know it, you're right back to square one with the anxiety, and usually, it becomes a little worse each time.
So, you have an anxiety problem. I've been telling you that for a while now. Now that more timne has passed and you're STILL worrying about HIV..your logical, smart, master-level educated brain will agree that it's time to do something about it..right?
Because THIS type of anxiety (anxiety that isn't a result of regular life stressors) IS irrational in and of itself. Anxiety is very irrational.
Look at someone with panic disorder (like myself). I am one of the most reasonable, logical, scientific type thinkers, but when I have had a panic attack...all bets are off. My rational mind leaves me and I "what if" myself into a frenzy.
HIV anxiety is very much the same. Almost ALWAYS it stems from some kind of sexual indiscretion that causes very high levels of guilt and regret. Add to that the fact that most of the general population have a very overinflated view about HIV and how it's transmitted...and you have a perfect recipe for some serious anxiety.
Sometimes, once a person has either tested negative, or managed to give it some time to accept that indeed they are dealing with guilt, and not HIV.... and they don't have an HIV concern...they can move on. A lot more can not. They ruminate for months, even years. We have people on the HIV forum who have been coming here for YEARS, obsessing about HIV. People get so upset when we tell them to move on and get help, but OMG, if we didn't, it would be twice the zoo over there than it is normally. You guys all know how it is. Some people create hundreds of usernames because they get banned over and over because they just can NOT stop asking the SAME thing over and over, searching for that momentary reassurance.
So, take the HIV aspect out of it for a minute and look at it as an anxiety problem. If you had been in a car wreck and anxiety was consuming your thoughts and affecting your life..you would probably get help right? Because you would know you were struggling with anxiety. This is no different...the CAUSE of the anxiety is irrelevant.
You have to understand that continuing to search the web for HIV symptoms is only fueling the anxiety..it truly is. Back to the car wreck scenario. If you noticed you were still thinking about car safety, googling auto safety info, and videos with crash test dummies...what would you think that would do for the anxiety? Just like the HIV anxiety, for a short time, you are reassured and relieved (like you would be after I explain how you don't have an HIV worry)..but that's short-lived. Then, before you know it, you're right back to square one with the anxiety, and usually, it becomes a little worse each time.
So, you have an anxiety problem. I've been telling you that for a while now. Now that more timne has passed and you're STILL worrying about HIV..your logical, smart, master-level educated brain will agree that it's time to do something about it..right?
Thanks for the compliment. Its not a matter of believing but a matter of accepting. Lets face it, there is us here with our concerns but remember also the grandest of creation. I wrote to below to put myself into perspective titled "Keeping it simple"
"So brave are we just to awake in the morning.
Such tremendous activity both above and below.
Molten earth core burning off itself.
Planets so dense not even light escapes.
Novas and Flaming Comets exploding the sky
The Universe edge where what we know stops.
Are we part of this or is this part of us!"
"So brave are we just to awake in the morning.
Such tremendous activity both above and below.
Molten earth core burning off itself.
Planets so dense not even light escapes.
Novas and Flaming Comets exploding the sky
The Universe edge where what we know stops.
Are we part of this or is this part of us!"
Great comment, Life. I am definitely a believer. As a matter of fact, I am also a licensed minister. This is really why it is difficult for me to go to a therapist because everything I do is public. I've struggled, messed up, picked myself back up, and struggled some more. I've been able to put on a pretty good mask through all of this pain I'm experiencing but boy do I feel like a hypocrite for doing it. I really feel like a hypocrite when I sit down with someone and try to tell them to lean on God, trust in His care, and He'll bring you through when in the back of my mind I'm saying, "You hypocrite, if you would listen to yourself you wouldn't be in such a shape." I also hear that voice that says, "You hypocrite, you know what you're saying isn't true." I know who's voice that one is.
Yes folks...ministers do deal with mental issues too. Yes, ministers mess up and do things they aren't supposed to do. I'm cool with death...I know where I'm going. I just don't want to suffer in a most horrific way on my way there nor do I want to be a burden on my family. I'm got to come to some realizations in my life and I have to learn how to move on. I also have to learn to accept when negative things come into my life. I'm still relatively young (32) so I do have some growing left to do.
Yes folks...ministers do deal with mental issues too. Yes, ministers mess up and do things they aren't supposed to do. I'm cool with death...I know where I'm going. I just don't want to suffer in a most horrific way on my way there nor do I want to be a burden on my family. I'm got to come to some realizations in my life and I have to learn how to move on. I also have to learn to accept when negative things come into my life. I'm still relatively young (32) so I do have some growing left to do.
Hi and sorry your not feeling up to par. Ive had bouts of what you are experiencing at times in my life and finally came to realize it was my own humanity that i was questioning.
In my mind i felt eternal but realized i had a body that was not and accepting this fact caused panic an anxiety. I did not create myself but was born and have acquired the genes of my heritage. I could not control this and was left to either accept this fact or put myself through constant worry. Every single time my worst fears were only that "fear". In a sense what President Roosevelt said "theres nothing to fear but fear itself" is very profound and true.
What i did was develop a closer relationship with my God and lean on that strength when i have doubt. I believe in many ways this happens to us to bring us closer to the Creator and to realize that we are all in this together, not just the human race, but all things that have life.
In my mind i felt eternal but realized i had a body that was not and accepting this fact caused panic an anxiety. I did not create myself but was born and have acquired the genes of my heritage. I could not control this and was left to either accept this fact or put myself through constant worry. Every single time my worst fears were only that "fear". In a sense what President Roosevelt said "theres nothing to fear but fear itself" is very profound and true.
What i did was develop a closer relationship with my God and lean on that strength when i have doubt. I believe in many ways this happens to us to bring us closer to the Creator and to realize that we are all in this together, not just the human race, but all things that have life.
Hey...
I understand guy. Been down that road with HIV...moved on to bigger nastier things unfortunately. If your doc says no exposure...believe him. That's easier said than done but please believe me...he/she is right. I also learned while struggling with HIV phobia that it is possible to get HIV the first time with unprotected sex but the odds are really astronomically high...yeah...the same goes for me right now with what I am fearing but it isn't much comfort.
It really takes time. Go get tested...I did and while I was shaking with fear...I felt so much relief after the test. I really was able to put it behind me from there. Unfortunately, I moved on to something else. STAY AWAY FROM DR. GOOGLE!!! He is the worst doctor I've ever seen and can cause you so much heartache. God knows, I wish I had never googled my most recent symptoms. That is the day my life really spiraled out of control.
I understand guy. Been down that road with HIV...moved on to bigger nastier things unfortunately. If your doc says no exposure...believe him. That's easier said than done but please believe me...he/she is right. I also learned while struggling with HIV phobia that it is possible to get HIV the first time with unprotected sex but the odds are really astronomically high...yeah...the same goes for me right now with what I am fearing but it isn't much comfort.
It really takes time. Go get tested...I did and while I was shaking with fear...I felt so much relief after the test. I really was able to put it behind me from there. Unfortunately, I moved on to something else. STAY AWAY FROM DR. GOOGLE!!! He is the worst doctor I've ever seen and can cause you so much heartache. God knows, I wish I had never googled my most recent symptoms. That is the day my life really spiraled out of control.
I am in the same boat my friend... Think I have HIV, seem to have ALL the symptoms :) now my fear of that is leaving because Doc says i was NO RISK. Don't do what i did and google the next possible STD, it starts all over. Every in grown hair, bump, lynphnode will make you think because you have sore muscles, you must have herpes....
I am like you, I think logically this cannot cause physical symptoms... But i am starting to think it can. As far as i can read, Sore muscles etc even if from an STD should come quick and leave quick... not linger for weeks.
I am like you, I think logically this cannot cause physical symptoms... But i am starting to think it can. As far as i can read, Sore muscles etc even if from an STD should come quick and leave quick... not linger for weeks.
One more question Nursegirl...you are an astute member of the medical community and you would have keen insight into this. I am beginning to think all of this "lost control" over my emotions began back in November around the same time I thought I had HIV. This all began unraveling for me around the same time I was taking Cipro. I know Cipro is one of if not the the most powerful antibiotic one can take. I was taking it for prostatitis.
I took this also back in 2005-2006 for the same thing. Then, I had to come off of it because it was causing extreme depression. Someone recently told me that every time you take a fluoroquinolone the side effects worsen. My twitching and anxiety/depression began again while I was on the Cipro which I took for 2 weeks. I came off of it again for the same reasons and started Doxycycline. I've heard doxy can cause muscle aches and twitching too.
Is it possible the 3 months later, I am still feeling the effects of these powerful antibiotics? I've read that a doctor once said that if an antibiotic can mess your mind up, it would be Cipro. What's your expert opinion on this?
I took this also back in 2005-2006 for the same thing. Then, I had to come off of it because it was causing extreme depression. Someone recently told me that every time you take a fluoroquinolone the side effects worsen. My twitching and anxiety/depression began again while I was on the Cipro which I took for 2 weeks. I came off of it again for the same reasons and started Doxycycline. I've heard doxy can cause muscle aches and twitching too.
Is it possible the 3 months later, I am still feeling the effects of these powerful antibiotics? I've read that a doctor once said that if an antibiotic can mess your mind up, it would be Cipro. What's your expert opinion on this?
Thank you again Nursegirl. I know I have to go...I know it would help. It would help to do that rather than stay home in the bed sick with fear as I have again found myself. I am a very educated person who can think logically in everything else...why can't I think rationally and logically when it comes to this mess? I have a masters degree and courses toward a Ph.D. and I can't think my way out of this mess??? Am I really that messed up now? I really have to do something...It's mighty dark in and around my home as of late. I feel so sorry for my wife having to put up with my stupidity. I am seriously going to find myself in an asylum if I can't get control of this. I feel my mind slipping away all the time.
Yep!!! I'm going to strangle you!! Think of it this way, once I do that, you won't have these worries anymore! ;0) Ha!
Health anxiety is all too common, you can see that by browsing the forum. Just like any kind of anxiety, it needs addressed, or the same cycle of worrying just continues.
What you need to do is speak with your doctor about a referral to a therapist. Medications are an option as well, but either way, therapy is a must. I would say, since you WERE able to move on for a while and were doing better...you probably would see sufficient results with therapy at this point. My opinion would be to try just therapy first and if your symptoms aren't getting better, you can always reevaluate the med option down the road.
That's where the real work gets done. Therapy will teach you how to undo that cycle of worrying, searching, and worrrying more. The best kind of therapy would be CBT or cognitive behavior therapy.
Give it a shot! Also, you HAVE to help yourself a bit, which means no more Dr. Google. I know that's not always easy, but you have to try to stop yourself.
Health anxiety is all too common, you can see that by browsing the forum. Just like any kind of anxiety, it needs addressed, or the same cycle of worrying just continues.
What you need to do is speak with your doctor about a referral to a therapist. Medications are an option as well, but either way, therapy is a must. I would say, since you WERE able to move on for a while and were doing better...you probably would see sufficient results with therapy at this point. My opinion would be to try just therapy first and if your symptoms aren't getting better, you can always reevaluate the med option down the road.
That's where the real work gets done. Therapy will teach you how to undo that cycle of worrying, searching, and worrrying more. The best kind of therapy would be CBT or cognitive behavior therapy.
Give it a shot! Also, you HAVE to help yourself a bit, which means no more Dr. Google. I know that's not always easy, but you have to try to stop yourself.
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