My son doesn't support me

[Elektra_Demons]

My son (17 just started final year of high school) doesn't believe that I have BP2. He thinks that I have complete control over my actions. (I am only recently diagnosed Sept 08). He puts me through very stressful situations e.g. he is confrontational or he gives me the silent treatment or he starts pressing my buttons. Frankly I am tired of it. I have had to deal with a lot regarding him over the last 2 1/2 years. For example his deep depression and suicidal thinking, his sexuality, being bullied and so on. He seems to think everything revolves around him and his emotional equilibrium. I say enough now. Life cannot revolve around him all the time and he lives in a bubble concerning my illness and how it affects me. I feel as though he is bullying me just like my father bullied me all of my life. Aaaaaaargh I feel so frustrated and stressed out and all because of this 17 yro!!!!!!!!!!

[Elektra_Demons]

If you read my previous post you would notice that I make mention of my Drug and alcohol counsellor. Is that someone in denial? I believe that is someone who is taking her addiction pretty seriously!
Regardless I do not believe that a 17 yro should have the right to dictate to his parents how they should conduct their lives. Nor should he be allowed to try and hold my household to ransom when the issues are not that simple. (I have made mention twice of the abuse I suffered at the hands of my father) I do not wish to continue to be abused by my son. And yes it is abuse/bullying one and the same. You grasp hold of one thing as he does without viewing the bigger picture.
My drug and alcohol counsellor thought I was making progress (these things do not change overnight) until my son sabotaged the whole situation. I was getting things under control. But the slightest tension sends me into a spin. When I perceive that someone is treating me similarly to my father that is a trigger. I have only just found this out on Monday. So give me a break. I've got a lot on my plate. I only just admitted to the sexual abuse from my dad, I only just found out I have BP, I am only just getting over my Four suicide attempts within the span of a month, I am still trying to live with PTSD and depression and anxiety and grief as well as trying to do all the other usual stuff. So cut me some slack.

[LeftCoastChick]

I know very well what you are going through, I was seriously abused by my Mother, and my brother tried to kill me twice.I should also mention I was raped at 25.  It a hard thing to heal from, saying that, any amount of alcohol in your system is going to make your recovery harder, that's what I'm trying to point out. I used to self-medicate with pain meds, I was with someone who triggered many of my memories, and tried to cut down, and tried and tried. I went into my doc's office, told her I was addicted and I need to get clean, this was a month into my BP diagnosis. She said that whether you take 1 pill a day or 10, the fact is your an addict. I hope that you can stop whenever you do, but understand that kids act out when someone isn't healthy in the home, regardless of it being BP, addiction, eating disorders, or just plain chaos. I hope you can get him into a counsellor, with being a teen,let alone having an ill parent, and the chaos in the home, he needs an outlet, and more then likelly he'll stop!

[Elektra_Demons]

My son does see a psychologist and has done for about 3 years. Ever since I found out he was suicidal from being bullied at school. It appears that every time he has been to see   her he becomes hostile towards me. This is why I'm agitating for a family meeting with her and with my counsellor.
I should also mention that I am taking a medication to reduce my desire for alcohol.
I am very sorry to hear of your abuse. (Nobody deserves to be abused) I too am also coming to terms with my mothers role and contribution to the abuse.
My mother is also playing a role in encouraging my son to bully me. Although she claims to be a neutral party. However, whenever I bring up the subject she conveniently finds a reason to hang up the phone or leave. I know that she is nudging him along and my husband agrees but there is little we can do about this as my son sees her on a daily basis. (He walks by her house for a bite to eat on the way home from school) At the moment I feel as though I am stuck between a rock and a hard place!

[LeftCoastChick]

Are  you kidding? My mother did the EXACT same thing, wow, my mum was the master of manipulation - I got the poop beaten out of me almost daily by one or the other. I never thought I would talk to someone who had the same thing happen!  Sometimes when I see my shrink, not usually this one I am with now, but the one I saw back in '98-02 (with a year break in there), I would get soooo angry, partly at being challenged on my feelings and the **** that was brought up. I learned that the day I went, I made sure that I was in a very very calm space afterwards, I always went on a day off, or boy it was hard to work.

My only conclusion is families are weird co-dependant groups, regardless of the extent, there's always going to be something off one way or another, it's how you as a family unit tries to resolve it. I'm just starting a new relationship, I have trust issues and fear of being loved, so I'm working my damndest not to put my past issues on the new guy, who knows I'm BP and is very very understanding.

respectully,
LCC

[Narnia41]

Just want to say you have my utmost sympathy I've been through very similar with my son.  I know how it is to self-medicate with alcohol it was my only way of dealing with the constant 'bullying' by my son.  

All I can say to offer you some kind of encouragement is that your son is acting this way out of his love and concern for YOU.  It sounds like he's trying to take control of a situation that he feels is unsafe for him...but in the process is actually making your symptoms worse.  It's a really tricky situation though it's good he's getting counselling, my son always refused it.

My son used to go crazy if he found me having a drink, which made me just want to drink more, viscous circle.  I don't drink anymore now that he has left the home.  Alcohol really isn't good with Bipolar but it took me a long time to realise it was making me worse.  Take it a day at a time though, you are not in the best place right now to tackle an alcohol dependency whilst living with this confrontation.

Keep up with the professional counselling and try to take comfort from the fact that your son is acting this way out of love for you.

Kindest regards

[irishwriter]

i have two sons who know about my being bp but are not supportive they are 20 and 22 and still are at the age of being very egocentric which is only right really as they are just starting out. we do have a good relationship and they call me to vent if they have any problems and i am glad to help. they both have had periods of depression and both came out the other side. early intervention is v. successful according to studies.

it is surprising that your son isn't more understanding of your problems particularly in the light of his own issues. he understandable cannot understand the drinking but it is a pity that he doesn't support you in your battle to deal with it. (well done). it is a bad road to go down in self medicating with alcohol. i did it too for a little while but thankfully can have a drink now knowing my limit but i only drink very rarely, maybe at a wedding or something. i too was abused as a child and in my marriage and these are difficult things to live with.

come on here when you get frustrated with your son and you will get lots of support from us. thinking of you and your struggle. take care of yourself.