1443647 tn?1284330198


My Dear Husband Of 28 Yrs, Died In Jan. 2010 from Gastroesophegeal Cancer------He didn't even know he had it until he had to go to the hospital Jan. 18, 2010------------He DIED Jan. 22, 2010----He only knew for 4 days that he even had this------he had lost alot of weight, and started throwing up blood at a 1/2 cup at a time----bleeding from his rectum, his records state he went in with a GI Bleed, Esophageal adenocareinoma (T-3 Lesion).
They ended up having to sedate him and put him on a ventilator--he couldn't even drink liquids--they were feeding him through a nasogastric tube. His records also state----LG. GE Junction Tumor. I was in another state with another family emergency and this happened--no one even called me till the day AFTER He died and left a voice mail at that!!
I drove up there by myself, (Never did that before--my husband always drove!!)
and get there and was told I came for no reason, to go home, I wasn't allowed to see him before he was cremated, I was told if I showed up to the funeral, and burial of his ashes, I would be arrested, I wasn't even mentioned in the obituary!!

They know how much we loved each other and he would be so mad at how the love of his existence was treated!!
We were each others reason to even be here on this earth--------------------- now he's GONE.... and I'm so alone, I feel like I have a hole in my chest the size of the universe!!
as I sit here and type this I can't even do it without crying, I cry all the time it hurts so bad!!!!
we NEVER went a day in 28 yrs, without talking on the phone, e-mailing when he wasn't here, or being with each other in person!! Every day I would check my e-mail and have at least 10 e-mails from him, when he was out of town, wishing me a great day and how much he loves & misses me--now-----NOTHING!!

Since I was his wife--I requested a copy of his death certificate and it' lists----
Esophageal cancer, he only knew he had it for 4 days then he got cardiogenic shock for 12 hrs and died, his family won't talk to me so I don't know if anyone was with him when he died, or did he die alone, did he suffer, (GOD I PRAY he didn't!!) But these are things I NEED to know!!
My Brother & Mom tell me I need to just move on and "Suck It Up" that they understand why I feel this way but that I can't live the rest of my life like this!!
I want to be with him sooooooooooo BAD!!
Please help me, I don't know where else to go--I have no one anymore!!!!
I so want to join him NOW!!
ANY Doctor here that can answer this--PLEASE DO!!

"WHAT Happened to my husband--what does all that mean??
What all did he go through??
PLEASE Help me understand this--and as you see----His family won't even talk to me so I can't ask them!!
5 Responses
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Avatar universal
My God, what a terrible tragedy you are living through. I am so sorry for your lost. Not everyone finds love as you and your husband had. I can't even believe that the family could take over as they did,as the wife YOU have legal authority over what happens to your husband,not his family. You by far need legal counsel. Now is the time for you the focus on all the years of good that you and he had. I have worked with dying patients now for last 17 yrs and believe me when I say that life happens as it should. If your dear husband protected you all these years,then it was his wish to protect you at the last. He did not go to hospital sooner bc he knew the news wasn't good. People know when they are terminally ill and he only went to hospital when you were out of town to protect the love of his life. Please do not regret that you were not with him,this is how he wanted it. His love was so great that he wanted to protect you from the suffering of having to watch someone you love  die. Sometimes my dying patients will wait until the family goes down to eat, or shower, or go outside for a break and then they will allow themselves to go. I have seen this over and over again. Find a support group in your area, call the hospital near you and ask if they have a cancer group. Help were you can. Focus on what you still have to give in honor of your lost loved one. Help other loved ones that are losing or have lost the love of their lives also. They are out there and need someone to talk to as much as you do. You can comfort and console yourself and others. Volunteer at a hospice group or at hospital. It will become easier as time goes by, it will.
God gave us the miracle of life and He also gives us the miracle of death. The body shuts down in a way that is also a miracle. He was malnourished from the cancer, with the blood loss his blood pressure would drop not allowing his kidneys and heart the ability to do what they need to do, Toxicins build up in the persons blood that puts them unaware of what is going on, pain medications help to ease any possible pain they may experience and I bet his last thoughts were of you. Sometimes the person loves so deep they are unable to face the person they love and say good bye in peace. How can you let go in peace when you feel so great a love, so it was best in a way that you were not there holding on and not allowing him to continue on the journey that only one will take at a time. Have your own funeral were you are. Tell him how great of love you held for him and allow him to rest in peace,for only after you find peace will he. You will feel again,but it will take time, sometimes up to a year. You have sooo much to offer the person that is suffering such a great loss as you, for only when you walk as you walk will you feel what only the person whom has lost the love of their life can feel. So please consider helping others. There is someone else out there crying out as you. I have never found a love as you describe,never!! Be thankful you were able to have those years,it could have been shorter. Remember God sends all of us for awhile and takes us back to him in his time. God has work for you to do. Please find a way to honor your husband and the love you both shared,to say you'd like to join him and leave before God calls you home would be a dishonor to you and to him.
Remember you were his wife and you have legal rights. People could get in trouble listening to his "family" because you were his closest relative and should have all legal say so regarding him. Good luck and God Bless and please honor him as he'd want you to continue in your journey until you are called home.
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Avatar universal
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Avatar universal
I, too, am so sorry for your loss.  You were very fortunate to have found a love so great and for so long.  I agree with kkracca, you are here now for a reason and God will lead you down the right path for you to know what it is.  My sister died May 13, 2009 from Stage IV rectal cancer.  She was 53.  I was visiting her from May 9 through May 12.  When I left on May 12 I told her I would see her in a couple of weeks.  I knew that I wouldn't.  I drove home to Texas on the 12th, called her at 8:30 pm that night and told her that I loved her.  She died in her sleep the early morning of the 13th. She was waiting for me to leave so I would not witness her passing before she finally let go. As you can imagine, I was grief stricken but thanks to her, I signed up as a volunteer for a hospice group and have now been doing it for a year and a few months.  I lost one patient in January 2010 and am now seeing another one who is 93 years old.  It is very satisfying to see her face light up when I sit with her, talk to her but most of all, listen to her.  

I hope you can find a way to ease your heartache and pain from losing the love of your life.  God is with you and He will see you through this. Just know that God has a plan for you and although He called your husband home, you still have a purpose for being left behind.  God Bless you and take care of yourself.
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1443810 tn?1287151876
Oh honey,I AM SO SORRY for YOUR LOSS.You are not alone he is still with you and he's looking down at you right now.Why on gods green earth are his family members treating you like this?There is no reason for it,and as for your family telling you to suck it up is just unforgivable.You have a family here on this site and as for myself I am here for you anytime you want to talk.This is one of the worst things a spouse can go through, why is everyone acting so ugly towards you?You cannot join him right now,not until god brings you to him and that time is not now.God will call you when its your time,please don't be desparite to do anything stupid PLEASE!This will make you a stronger person.I know it doe not seem like that right now,but things will get easier as time passes,he will ALWAYS be in your heart and he will ALWAYS be with you.Please see a Dr.and try to get on some sort of medication to temporarily help you through this.I am sorry about the silly remark on the previous post,but I had no idea you were going through such tragedy,my prayers are with you and PLEASE be in touch.
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Avatar universal
To Poolparty.....Sorry for your silly remarks, bad grammar and spelling.  
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