Just posted while ago. Now, I am just back to ramble I guess. Not a good night. Worrying crazy about Hissie. Feeling the stress of all these months, trying to save my old girl. Plus, several weeks ago, I almost lost my only sibling my brother. Had to rush to Ohio, to be with my brother. Now, poor Hissie again.
I hate running out of options with Hissie. And that is where we stand right now. I am beating myself up so hard over this tonight. I got a cat that needs medical attention and I can't give it to her. And God knows how I am trying to help her here at home. All that knows Hiss's history on here, knows I have nursed, catered to and loved this dear cat beyond words. We maxed out our credit cards, trying to help Hissie. Over two thousand. And honestly, when we were putting it on our credit cards, we couldn't afford it then. But, we didn't care. We love Hissie. We would spend ten thousand on her if we had it. I have lung disease. Emphysema and chronic bronchitis. We lost our health insurance last year. All this rotten economy stuff. Actually I need medical care myself. But, I sacrificed that for this little animal. And I would do it all over again. Tonight I feel like a bad cat owner. I cannot give my Hissie further treatment with the vet. This vet now has an attitude with us anyway. I got really upset with her a few months ago. The vet sent Hiss home in terrible shape. The vet's office called to check on her and I let them have it. And I am not sorry that I did that whatsoever. So, she probably won't do payment plans with us now. Even if she would, we can't afford the payments. We already are paying on the credit cards. And we are barily covering rent, etc. And going to another vet is not an option either. Can't afford more testing that a new vet would want. Plus, we don't have the money as I have said.
I believe Hiss is either impacted or has another blockage. This brand enema we got from the vet today, usuallly gives Hiss diarrhea. Hiss has strained some tonight after the enema, but has not had a bowel movement. Just a few drops of seepage. And I know that all is not a good sign. I have worked with Hiss during this current bout of constipation. I started just as soon, as I realized she had stopped having bowel movements. I always know each day, her intake and outtake. I had to. We started giving her the stool softener that the vet gave us. To be honest, the stool softener has never helped Hissie one bit. But, we tried. I even gave her a soap and water enema a few days ago. Nothing. She is eating a few bites here and there. We have been giving her pediatric electrolytes daily. I know I got to keep her hydrated. I swear by the pediatric electrolytes. Over the months while Hiss has been so sick, I have spent dozens of hours researching about constipation in cats. I have tried and tried to do right by Hissie. I just feel that at this point, I am letting her down. And the guilt and hurt are eating me alive right now.
I will say this much. If we cannot turn this current constipation around, we will never let Hissie lay and just die. It is going to kill us to put her to sleep. But, I will never ever let my sweet little Hissie lay and suffer. And I know if she does not have this bowel movement, we are in serious trouble here. The thing is, she gained her weight back, was eating like a little pig, was happy, etc. And in just a snap of a finger, it has come to this. In the back of my mind, I knew it would eventually come to this again with Hiss. We are devastated. We have our other kitty Paradise. She got too fat. I even have her on a diet and she is slowly losing the weight. I try my best to be a good pet owner. But, so hate when I run out of options and can no longer help something I love so much.
Like I said, it is just a very bad night. My husband has left for work and I am home alone right now. Thoughts just creeping in tonight. I feel like Hissie's time has not come yet. But, we are going to be forced to put her down. And money is going to be the reason. But, I know this happens a lot. It just becomes too expensive, to care for a sick animal. It still does not ease my mind and heart though. Just thank you all for listening to me. I feel like such a big baby at times over Hiss. But, she has been my best friend and my little child.
I promise to post, if we have to put Hissie down. Because I want that post to be a memorial to her. She has fought a hard fight. I am praying with all my being that we can pull her out of this current situation. But, it is truly looking very very bleak.
Thank you as alway for listening to this old woman crying over her kitty. You all have been good to me and Hissie.