Working against family

[TracyGR]

My family and I are not agreeing with my researching. My 20 y/o son is not wanting to wait, get second opinions or anything else. I'm sure he is scared and in denial, and 20 y/o need I say more? I am wanting to continue more research however, I am fighting him, his twin brother, and dad to some degree. My son is getting very upset with me and as of yesterday says he refuses to see any more doctors. Did any of you have to force your hand with your loved one or did you give in?

[TracyGR]

Thanks for all your posts, they are helpful.

[selmaS]

  I agree CW, I think we all get to a point that we all give up fighting at times, could be we r tired of Drs not listening and just not having the right Dr....

Knowing that we all need to come to terms with this in our own way, and also knowing ur DS has seen all u have been thru, he just needs to be able to sort it out...

I posted in a thread how Chiari can make us overly emotional, and never gave a thought that it could go the other way as well....

Refusing is just one step in the whole process,..... denial, we have it with the recovery process as well as the dx.... and I think u r right it is a normal human reaction,.

[ChiariWolf]

Not sure if this will help or hurt....

    But perhaps to a degree the 'fight' to not recognize the problem has a degree of normalcy to it? Meaning, we all have this inborn desire to be perfect,
to want to be healthy, etc. etc.

    Our youngest son it appears may also have CM. One NL has confirmed he believes his problems to be be related to a combination of a small kink in his brain stem and CM. Small herniation and virtually no blocked flow however my son has either lost or is ignoring all emotion. In fact he ran away and claims to not feel Love, Hate or any emotion? Not suicidal frankly doesn't even seem depressed just dead as in no emotion whatsoever. However, when CM is mentioned he explodes.  Won't talk about it at all just says 'I don't have chiari'. His biggest symptoms are massive HA and no emotion.

With myself years ago there was a period of me totally refusing any medical help... that unfortunately I tend to fall back into every now and then.

So perhaps refusing is a part of our human reaction to trauma.

CW

[RheaAnn]

Have you asked him what his goals are? Or what he wants to happen? Maybe the symptoms are not disrupting enough to him in HIS own eyes for him to seek out additional information. Maybe you could try to talk to him instead of advising him. Perhaps if you could understand his view point on this issue, you may be able to better help.

I was in a similar situation, except I was 16 and was refusing to try medications anymore. I wanted so badly for someone to listen to me, to my opinions and the fact that it was my body. But everyone kept telling me it was for the best to listen to the doctors. No one stopped to listen without speaking, judging, or trying to understand. That lead to a huge isolation without me realizing it. We were all frustrated!

I am just suggesting that you find the reasons he is against everything first, then try to handle the bigger issues together, when there is more cohesion. I hope something helps!!! I also do think it would help to come on the forum when he is ready. It made me feel like I was supported by strangers who made me feel like I belonged to something!

Best of luck to you all! =)

[selmaS]

  What r u trying to convince him of?....If u want him to go to another Dr for more info, u can get info with out him by sending his MRI's and paying a nominal fee.

And there r stages to getting a Chiari dx as there is with recovery...denial, anger, are 2 of the first which will make it hard for u to fight him....if he does not have a syrinx or a CSF obstruction there is no rush ...so slow down...he will push for answers as his symptoms progress....none of us can sit and do nothing about this for too long, but u also do not need to rush either....give him time to adjust and accept and to be willing to fight back, this will help him recover if in fact he is a surgical candidate.

Good luck and hang in there : )

[Sexybare]

Hi, right now you can't force him for he's of age. So just try to reason with him. Let him know he's not alone. Have him read some of our posts to see there's more to this than pushing it under a rug. Alls you can do is try, try, try. Don't push tho. Get rest of family on board to. Let him know if left untreated can cause permanant damage. Show him list of things he should not do because it can progress. Let him know he wil be fine but hey lets have a second opinion and find out more about this, together. He's scared. Lord knows when I was dxs I cried. Reassure him not everyone is a surgical candidate. Hope he comes around. .....Dana

[Viva001]

Dont some insurance plans require a second opinion?
I always assumed it was standard operating practice, that even doctors encouraged it.

[sandy629]

  if he has chiari i would show him what the difference is between leaving it alone and treating it.  we have the same problem in this family, my neice wasdiagnosed with chiari and my brother is in denial, i showed my neice what she is not suppose to do when you have chiari, and she has read up on it, now she has to show him.  maybe that will help you