10 year old curses & very aggressive & disrespectful

[Concretejohn1]

I am 47 year old dad who came from a broken
Home from age 11. Family struggled & was very por. I moved out & have a successful career in constrcution. Married with a 6 yr. old boy, 10 yr. old boy , & 12 year old kids. Our only problem is the 10'year old boy. He has played in sports since 5 yr. old. He has competed at a high level. Over the last year his behavior has gotten worse & worse. His dad has never missed a practice, match & have traveled across the country together & has been a great bonding experience. The last 6 months we fight everyday, he is always teasing the 6 yr. old & is very rough with him. Also fights with 12 year girl a lot .

We have hit a breaking point. I have never struck any of my kids. But lately he cries a lot during matches & s
Doesn't perform wee, & blames me. Then wants to curse & be very aggressive to rest of family.mi am afraid to take sports away, as it keeps him active & healthy.

I am lost on how to move forward. He does not listen to the simplest request & is getting worse.

Please HELP!!

[specialmom]

Sandman has good questions.  That info would be helpful.

I wonder about one thing that I've read a lot about lately as I have a son the same age as yours.  Our kids are under a lot of pressure these days.  Performance in sports at such a young age can be trying on kids.  Other kids begin to catch up either by developing physically or being hard workers.  And kids that were the stars begin to feel less like that.  And their parents see them as that and it is just a lot of pressure.

I'd ask your son if he wants to consider on in his sport.  If he says yes, then lay it out for him.  If he says no, then you have to be okay with that.  If he says yes, you have to back off of expectations of performance and be a parent rather than coach.  Parents just support and don't criticize performance.  (professional athletes all say that is what they wanted from their parents).  BUT< you also spell it out for him. That sports are a privilege.  They happen when other things are going well such as school work and home life.  And if he is unkind to his brother or argumentative with you---  then he will not go to X practice with next step not going to X match, etc.  

Base your discipline on how he is treating family and the arguing though and not his athletic performance.  It is his life and up to him if he wants to do well at his sports or not.  If he shows lack of effort than you tell him that you will make choices and perhaps scaling back the sports because it doesn't appear to be as important to him will be something you have to consider because sports are expensive.  

My son is a swimmer.  He has a decent amount of talent but it is a hard sport to keep your motivation always high.  And you need it to be high because of the amount of practices and the hard work they are.  Sometimes the motivation to attend the numerous practices is hard to come by and these practices HARD work.  My son recently saw the correlation between effort and performance and this motivated him more.  But it takes some kids time to see that. And if I pushed and tried to have him do it for ME---  then it would have burned him out completely.  He's finding his own way and own self motivation.  I know it is hard to watch when you know they could do better but it is their life lessons and I always check myself to make sure I'm not putting more value on something than my kids.  

Anyway, I may be just rambling here.  And agree with yardbull on his comments regarding sports.  good luck

[YardBull]

Does your son still enjoy his sports?  You mentioned his crying during sports, so it doesn't sound like it, unless something else is bothering him during the games.  Sometimes things are fun and then turn to pressure to perform, pressure to win, pressure to be the best, and so on, taking the fun out of it for some.  If you haven't already, try to have a heart-to-heart talk with your son and ask what is bothering him without any threats or put-downs.  See if he will open up.  

[Sandman2]

       I kind of doubt that the sports are the problem.  What sport is he in?
  A really important question is - is he having the same problems at school?  How are his grades?  Does he argue with teachers or feel they are picking on him?  Does he get in trouble during recess?   Does he have friends that he plays with after school (besides his sport team mates)?
       Oh, you said he cries during matches.  Are the other kids bigger then him?  Is this a one on one sport, or a team sport?   How does his concentration seem to be during the matches?
        With some more info from you, we may be able to help.