31/2 year old behaviour

[kalpa]

My daughter is 3 year 4 months old. She cries for no reason. She get tears If i say something to her . It is so irritating for me and i get angry we both fight  because of this reason. I ignore her when she cries. But this is not working for her. Sometimes I feel so bad. I don't know how to solve this. Is this a normal behaviour could you please help me out.

[tdub321]

I was extremely sensitive and self-punishing as a child.  My brother needed strong verbal lashings (haha) and strict punishments to get the point across.... my parents could just use a harsh tone of voice with me and I's remember the lesson as though I'd been slapped.  My 3 year old struggles with the same issues.  She is SO sensitive!  She is mostly happy and well-adjusted but you'd think I was killing her if I give her a dirty look when she is misbehaving.  

My advice:  Be understanding of the fact that your daughter might just be sensitive and needs gentler discipline than the average kid.  Make sure your daughter knows that you love her and are proud of her no matter what she does.  Use a gentle tone of voice unless a stronger tone is required.  Let her know the difference between when you are frustrated and when she is in trouble. If she has misbehaved, and gets upset that she is being punished for it, say, "I'm sorry that makes you sad, but you can't __]whatever she did wrong]____."  Don't diminish the fact that she's feeling sad.  If she goes to time-out or seomthing, talk to her when it's over and reassure her that you love her very much, and don't "Stay mad."

If she gets upset, and you're not sure why or she isn't really in trouble for anything... help her talk to you about why she is upset.  If she can't talk (too upset), let her escape the situation until she calms down, and then talk about it.  Don't make this  PUNISHMENT for crying, just tell her it's ok to be sad but you can't understand her and she needs to calm down.  Let her go to a "safe," comfortable place to pull herself together, like her bed, the couch, a bean bag chair, something.  If she gets more upset that you're "sending her away," you can hug or rock her until she is calm enough to talk. (Sometimes my little one cries SO loud it makes me crazy... I don't want to push her away so I usually say "that is too loud, if you want to sit in mommy's lap you need to dry your eyes.")

Most of all, don't express frustration and anger at her for becoming upset.  Chances are, she's upset because she thinks she's disappointed you -- expressing further disppointment will make her feel worse.  

[jdtm]

Children do not cry for "no reason".  The next time she cries, try to observe what happened immediately before the tears.  Perhaps this might give you some idea of the problem which leads to this behaviour.