5 yr old son behaviour issues and urinating where he shouldn't

[willow_4_oz2000]

Hi, I really hope some one can help. I have a daughter who is 7 and a son who is 5. I am training to be a midwife and my hubby is in the navy (Just want you to get the whole picture).
We have always had behavioural issues with my son from a young age. He can be a lovely child and then its like a switch is flicked and he becomes this horrible, angry, disobedient child. We have tried reward charts, taken all his toys away at one point. Taken away days out etc. We have tried every possible option to get him to behave he won't.
We now have trouble getting him to go to school in the mornings, her refuses to get dressed, only wishing to wear shorts, when its too cold and wet for this. He's started spitting constantly in defiance. screams, throws himself around in a tantrum, hits his sister. He only ever listens to my husband when hes home and several times had to call him in work and get him to come home to get him to school. This behaviour is now getting ridiuclous and makes it hard for me to finsih off my last year of training.
New development being, is i have discovered he has urinated in his bin in his room and on his uncles pillow (he lives with me whilst i do my training and helps with the children). And then yesterday i recieved a letter from school telling me he had urinated on a wooden train in the playground.
I really need some help. I plan on making a doctors appt wot get him checked for behavioural disorders now because i am at my wits end.
I have tried the nice approach and all the punsihments and he does not care either way.
Please someone help me with him, i no longer know what to do or how to cope.
Thank you.

[skepticalpeach]

I would definitely say that it would be good to get to a point where you don't butt heads and find a way to work with him instead. There is only so much punishments can do when it really is a developmental issue. It's not exactly fair to punish someone for something they cannot control.

Talking to your doctor is a good way to get to the root of what is going on and fix that. You'll be surprised at what kind of ideas they have to help him control himself!

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, I think you are taking the right step in talking to his doctor.  His behavior is on the extreme side with the urinating on things ---- especially his uncle's pillow.  That is particularly aggressive and challenging.  Is his father gone a good deal?  I just ask because I wonder if there is any correlation to his choosing to act out against his uncle.  

I can only say that I have a child that really challenged me as well.  My son turned out to have a developmental delay called sensory integration disorder which involves the nervous system.  We sought help from an occupational therapist that we still see and things are much much better.  We were able to find the root cause of his issues.  That is what I'd encourage you to seek.  What is behind this behavior?

I'd also begin looking into all kinds of things that might help you handle it and him to better control himself.  I'd google oppositional behavior disorder.  Not to say he has this but to see what techniques they employ to help with it.  I will tell you that I have read all kinds of things on autism, add/adhd, ODD, and sensory integration to get ideas on how to help my son cope and behave better.  I feel like the more information the better.

There is no easy answer though.  We have spent a good deal of time working on my son's issues.  He's now 7 and doing really well.  

I would read the book "Love and Logic" as it goes through the idea of natural consequences.  I'd make any discipline be immediate in nature.  

So, start with your doctor and see if you are given any direction to take next.  Keep us up to date.