5 Year old daughter behavior

[Hmae72]

I am very concerned with my 5 year old daughters behavior.  My first concern is with two polar different personalities I see on a regular basis.  For other people outside of the immediate family, she is "charming", sweet, listens, somewhat shy and very happy.  She is a first born female of a first born female, so she is strong, stubborn, always right, bossy, but at the same time, compasionate, understanding, polite and thoughtful of others.  However when she is with her dad and me and a lot of the my parents she is RUDE and demanding, she talks to us like she is an equal adult. When she does not get her way, whether it is over which car seat to sit it, or if little brother is going to share his drink of water, she goes into a full blown, very loud screaming/crying fit.  She cannot be spoken to durning these and sometime I need to apply pressure to her arms or a snug squeeze to help bring her out of them.  She has ALWAYS ignored even since she was an infant and we have had her ears checked more than once because of this.
She functions well in school, except she does not really want to follow all the same rules as the other students and does not like to color.  She has no problem making friends, but cannot stick with an activity, like dance class or soccer practice for more than 2 sessions.  She has done wonderfully in Camp Fire Boys and Girls.  I teach Parenting and Child Development in a High School setting and I have finally exhausted all my efforts in ways to parent this child.  I am to the point that I may want to consider that something else is going on besides a lack in parenting.  We are consistant and firm.  We use time out and discuss with her the situation.  We help her make decisions and talk about consequences.  She is a bright girl.  She just cannot always manager herself.  My question is where to go from her.  I will be contacting her peditrician, but I want a second opinion from someone that does not have an attachment to my child... remember "a charmer".  I am open and cannot be offended.  Thank you.

[margypops]

Interesting it doesnt happen with her Dad , perhaps she knows he wont feed into it, try to emmulate him, its possible she knows you are  an easier target and wants more of your attention. I still think you are making more of an Issue and if you backed off it would quieten down, try it when she is screaming and yelling , let her, its okay, what can happen .

[Hmae72]

Thank you for your input.  I sometimes I do feel like I am over parenting and as always I am a mother that has a mother chirping in her ear telling her she better correct her childs behavior or she will regret it later.  I know that is some of the problem, craving the attention negative or positive.  However the quite time out sends her into a tail spin.  She escalates and that is when I need to give her deep pressure to gain her focus.  But, these things only happen with me, not her father.  It is frustrating, because I want to know what I am or have done wrong to deal with the "Other" paige.

Again Thank you, I will keep your suggestions in mind.

[margypops]

Perhaps you are over-Parenting, sounds like a lot of attention being given to her when she is yelling and misbehaving, perhaps lessen the attention she gets when she is doing the things you say.Do you think you could be over Reacting, Back off and see what Happens,give her her own water so she doesnt need to share her brothers. When she does Yell quietly use the Time out method of placing her on a chair or Mat till she is quiet, she should stay there till she is sorry if she comes off send her back, when she is quiet a big Hug and forget it,,and I still think there is too much talking going on and this is feeding into it.