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Avatar universal

5 year old manipulation of mom, advice/insight!

So, I've babysat this girl, she will be 6 in 2 months, since she was 1. She's best friends with my daughter who is the same age. The last 2 months she screams, wraps herself around mom at drop off, cries, whines, has to be drig out of the car. Mom felt bad the first time and bribed her with dinner at her favorite restaurant that night and a new toy if she came into my house. Of course, child complied. Mom has bribed her nearly each time so be with a treat, special outing or toy.

She has started crying randomly in the middle of playing at my house. Only when the 'game' doesn't go as she wants. When this happens she will call for mommy and pour, refusing to play. She also will tell her 3 year old sister it to play with my daughter. And will tell her sister she can only play certain things. I tell her this is not allowed and it never has been, then we are back at square one. Her crying mommy!

Her mom believes she's honestly suddenly missing her and continues the bribes and has eve stayed home from work to 'comfort' the sad kid. She's also suddenly very bossy and rude to my daughter(who is generally quite timid). She eill say things like 'I won't be your friend unless.....'  My daughter no longer will fulfill these ultimatums.

At her home there are very few rules - she walks on counters, jumps on furniture, takes her moms makeup and perfume. She also is rude to adults she knows. If I say hello to her she makes a face or goes 'humpf '. Mom says nothing to her.

I feel kid has learned to get what she wants with this behavior and honestly has a mean streak. Her mother keeps on with her theory of she misses me and now she has low self esteem so I'm not going to reprimand her but only praise her when she's good. Praise is important too but so is discipline as required.

Ami way off base here or I slid playing mom like a fiddle?
7 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
You are simply the babysitter.  I would not babysit anymore and leave it at that.  Do you want to maintain any type of friendly relationship with her?  Then don't go into how you feel you know things about her daughter that she doesn't and she isn't parenting correctly.  Nothing creates bad feelings faster.  

Keep focused on being a good mom to your own kids and let other parents be parents to their kids.  good luck
Avatar universal
Hmmmmm. Simply the baby sitter.......well, it goes a little deeper than that as yes, I am friendly with her mom AND she's also my daughters best friend. I never stated that I was 'going into how I feel I know things about her daughter that she doesn't and that she isn't parenting correctly'. Of course since I am a major care provider for this child, I see her more hours per day than her own parents do, I would naturally bring up troublesome behavior that this child displays with her parents when they pick her up.

I am not trying to be a parent to this child. I was asking others for insight into my situation and this childs behavior.
973741 tn?1342342773
Well, I can just say from experience that critiquing a friend's child and parenting can quickly end a friendship.  I wasn't trying to be rude to you in calling you the babysitter but in all honesty, I don't think it's right or fair to be judgmental like this.  I have kids older than this and remember those years well.  There are different levels of maturity, different parenting styles, etc. and it is easy to pick out the flaws.  Kids are quirky and especially at that age.  you really don't describe anything I haven't seen in kids.  Frequently.  

I would curtail babysitting if it is going to get in the way of how you look at her and her family. The friendship is more important.  good luck
13167 tn?1327194124
The biggest surprise in all this is that this behavior just started 2 months ago,  in a nearly 6 year old child.  

I've seen girls who behave like this,  and they are like this when they are 3.  Bossy,  can't stand to lose,  pouty.

Did anything happen in her life 3 or 4  months ago,  do you know,  that would explain her sudden moodiness?  
Avatar universal
Nothing at all has changed, that's the strange thing about it. It honestly just don't occured one day out the of the blue. And while her mother is shocked as well as horrified by some of the things she says/does, she seems to think that this will all go away if she spends quality time with her - which always equates to movies, restaurant dinners and bribing. I am concerned since it was such a turn around. This kid was pretty easy going until this. I am worried she is turning this into a habit - cry, get a bribe, repeat. And that eventually she's going to be a real awful thing to be around and gave no friends. It's sad because i know she can be so great.
189897 tn?1441126518
        Almost sounds like something happened to her two months ago, that caused this change in her?
13167 tn?1327194124
I know,  Sandman,  that's what I said also.

If this is truly a dramatic change in her personality,  it really sounds like something happened to her but they don't know what it is.

Maybe there's a clique of girls in her class that encourages mean behavior?  Maybe something else happened traumatizing that the mother doesn't know about?  

In my experience,  kids don't go from being easy going and sweet to this kind of behavior in a few months without a traumatizing event.  

Are her biological parents in a stable,  loving marriage?
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