7 year old son's self esteem getting crushed

[mom20010803]

Hi Everyone...

I'll apologize in advance for the long message....

My son is a wonderful boy, he's very happy, outgoing, smart, active and with in reason starting to be very well behaved...  He has been diagnosed with a slight case of ADHD, I have opted to do the natural remedy instead of medication and between Omega 3 chewables, diet and structured home life and effective discipline it has been working WONDERS!!!  I thought alot of the behavor issues were due to the ADHD... I was feeling like we were really getting ahead, until my son just lately started coming home from his dad's on the weekends and always being ***Just not himself***...  It's hard to explain, I let him get a mohawk for the summer holiday's, not the sides shaved just a little brush cut on the sides and long down the middle, nothing serious, just a fun haircut for a boy during summer...  He wanted it for months...  Anyways he started not doing his mohawk so I asked him why not, he said because his dad says it a stupid haircut...  So I right away tried to explain in a 7 year old terms that it's OK if his dad doesn't like it, if he likes it and it's not hurting someone or himself he can do it...  Well this has confirmed my thoughts on what has been said to my son at his dad's and the way his new wife and himself are talking to my son and bad mouthing my decisions... This is not the first time that something like this has happened and I haven't said anything just because I don't want to start a fight because alot of the stuff is just comments and they are just jealous that I am doing these things with him and they aren't but...  They are starting to crush his dreams and self esteem and I'm getting tired of it...  Now I realize I can't do anything about what goes on at his dad's house but I'm wondering if anybody has any suggestions on what I can say or do more to help my son realize that his dad and his new wife are just being butt heads to say it nicely, and it's OK to like things that Mom or dad or blabhlabh doesn't like just as long as it's not hurtful to anybody or yourself etc, because he can't please everyone all the time...  I don't ever want to bad mouth them but I don't want this to continue on any longer...  I'm still in contact with some of the family so it has already been confirmed that they are doing this to him it's not my imagination...  Does anybody know how to talk to him or what to do...

[margypops]

I think you are doing a great thing to treat your son with Natural Remedys there are too many children being given very powerful drugsat very young ages ,,for nothing more than some behavioral problems that they could solve , maybe with the help of some therapy.On the web sites they are stories of the Long term effects so well done .

[margypops]

From your description the Haircut wasnt too extreme so I agree with you what harm is there epecially as he had been asking for one for a few Months.I think you have the answer in telling your son that its okay for other People even his Dad to not Like everything he has done. I assume you are the Main caregiver,so really kind of ignore their pettiness, or have a quiet word with the Dad and ask him not to say demeaning things., however  you are right it is Jealousy, and sometimes its best for your Boy and you to laugh it off, he will recognise them forwhat it is  as he gets older.Yes he will remember that you havent said bad things about them.You are very caring and concerned ,its a tough one I know my daughter has gone through similar problems I try to tell her let it go, if you dont want a Battle ,but sometimes, you have to stand up and be counted.As he gets older it will get better if it continues keep the Visitations down to what they have to be and no more.

[Kristy28]

Well,I think a mohawk is awesome. lol My 4 year old wanted one and i let him wear it that way sometimes. What i think is stupid is people that judge just because of a haircut. I agree with you that if it is not hurting anyone and he is trying to express himself then whats the problem....anyway....about the dad thing. I am sure you have tried talking to him(dad) about it and he just wont listen? You cant control what dad says or does and you know that.....about the only thing i can think of is just reinforce the positive things and never, ever say anything bad about dad in front of him. If dad is stupid and selfish enough to talk about you to your son then it will come back on him one day. I know that doesnt help the fact that your son is getting his feelings hurt but unfortunately there is not much you can do about it. When he gets older he will remember that you never talked ugly about dad but dad talked ugly about you.

[RockRose]

You mentioned the haircut,  which,  BTW,  I think is a stupid haircut too.  ;D  Sorry.  

To me,  a mohawk is as dumb as a ratstail or an earring on a boy.  It looks to me like they're trying to be mouthy and rugged and naughty,  rather than agreeable and normal.  Probably that's what it looks like to you ex too,  and his wife.    It sends a message that goes beyond hair.

What dreams has he crushed,  besides telling him the haircut is dumb?