At school behavior

[Natalya3227]

My son is 2.5 years old. he started montessori school four month ago. Today at teacher-parent conference I was told to find a different school for him( got kicked out). I was in shock because teachers never told me he had any problems. Only once,in a first two weeks, i was given a notice that he misbehaved in school, so i assumed he got better. My son is a very hyper active child, he has a sharp mind, but only does what he wants to do , and not what you ask him to do. The teacher told me that he doesn't listen to her, doesn't do a good transition between group activities, has hard time falling a sleep in school, throws tantrums if he doesn't get his way( like throwing toys, beating his head against the wall or other objects), has hard time staying in the circle activities like reading a book, or singing songs and such, pushes his other kids.  Many of these things he does at home like tantrums, or listening to my orders. But when ever we have play dates outside the school, there are no major problems. When I read him a book ever night, he just sits there and listens, and he prefers long complicated stories to short ones. teacher said that he doesn't know how to behave in public. Yes, he does have major problem controlling his temper in public, but isn't the school supposed to teach kids how to behave in a social circles,?  Also, my son is in a four language environment, my husband, nanny, and my self speak three different languages, plus the english language in school. Teacher says that that could be a problem why he doesn't understand her.
I don't want my son to go through a chain of different schools and be rejected each time. What and how can help him ?

[Natta1980]

Hi Natalya

First, we are not in Russia anymore, "medical history" will not neccesarily haunt your child as it is strictly confidential. Anyway - you can obtain evaluation from a independent developmental professional and it does not have to go on file with the school system (or even your pediatrician if you do not wish to share it)

Second - the fact that they are kicking you little one out of school makes me think that he has some pretty serious behavioral issues. Mine has behavioral issues too, but there was never talk about kicking him out.

My son goes to a public school that has early childhood education program - they have 50/50 ration of typically developing children/children with difficulties of a varying degree...

If you do not think evaluation if neccesary  - you may want to consider a good private pre-school that has more structure; Montessori's schools have the least structure out of all options out there. Since you have to find a new school - pick one that has more of a "schedule" where everybody has to participate (remember - in USSR - we were not given too much choices:) Everybody stood up in line to go potty, or marched alltogeter to the music class:) Make sure that teachers understand that they should not let him get out of activities.

I would still talk to professionals - you take evaluation and do whatever you like with it. It is just your son reminds me very much of mine when he was 2.5.

It is just easier to address these issues when children are little, you can hope that he will grow out of it (and he may grow out of it), but just the fact that you've posted it here makes me think that youa are worried and suspect that something is abnormal.

good luck with everything:)

[Natalya3227]

Thank you for your advice. By the way I am russian too.( I am from Novokuzneck, Kemerovskaya oblast') Until now i spoke only russian to my son, and he understands me perfectly and speaks some russian words. My baby sitter speaks Spanish to him, and he understand her very well. My husband speaks some Arabic to him, bur he doesn't do it often enough for my son to understand him very well. Once I started speaking only english to my son, he started getting 2-3 new words a day.

As far as finding a new school, i am lost. I don't want to label my son as different at such young age. And I am not sure if there are schools that offer that kind of structure that are not  for, as they call it, "gifted and special needs kids".

Also, as far as evaluation goes, i am afraid to create a medical history for him that might not be necessary, but can possibly be a problem in his future. I am not really familiar how that works.

Thank you again for your advice, it was great. For now I decided to take 1 week off of work and start parenting my son. I will create a schedule/daily routine for him, just like you said. It is a beginning.  And to me it seams that all he needs is old school Russian parenting: remen' and ugol.  Actually, for me the UGOL has been working wonders so far. If i used it, it took me 1-2 times to fix some kinds of behavior.

Can you give me a name of school you used, so i can read up on them and maybe find something similar in my city?

I hope all is well with your child.

have a good night.

natalya

[Natta1980]

Also Google "Compliance program" -  works as a charm. Note that my child is pretty social, has good eye contact, and has age-approprate vocabulary. Did not have any major delays, all difficulties popped up only in group setting with peers

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions



regards,


Natalya

[Natta1980]

Hi - my name is Natalya too:)

It is a shame that they did not keep you posted on his behaviours

Anyway, your son sounds like mine when he was 2.5 - he now is diagnosed with mild PDD-NOS, although his special ed teachers think that his main problem is anxiety. Mild PDD-NOS falls under umprella of Autism Spectrum Disorders. My son only did what he wanted to do as well, and is very sharp. Everything you describe I've seen in my son when he was 2.5. They never kicked him out though - we just moved. He learned to sit and follow through.

Anyway, if your son has hard time transitioning, pulling him out of Montessori is a good idea. Montessori lacks structure - and hyperactive children, children with ADD, ADHD and ASD need structure. Get him evaluated with school system and professionals - there are many services available - my son now is attending a program with lots of structure, that teaches sitting down, attending to preffered and non-preffered activities, time concepts, they use a lot of visuals and schedules. Meanwhile, you can start implementing schedules at home - pictures of activities and timing of activities. That took a lot of my son's anxiety away - he knows what is coming. It is amazing how well visuals work - and it is true for most young children, not just children with ASD


How is your son's language? Communication skills? I am Russian, but we have to stick with English for now as he has trouble with receptive language. Is he rigid about certain things? Has sensory troubles (haircuts, washing hair)? Does not like change?

Also, I saw a drastic change in behavior in my son when we went to Russia - he was very confused about everybody speaking different language and we had more anger outbursts

Good luck:)