9yr old Plays his Mother

[Allan2306]

My 9 yr old stepson plays his Mother to the nine's. We both have to repeat ourselves several times to get things done. His behavior at school is good, however as soon as he get home he goes crazy, not listening to instructions cutting in on conversations, more or less being overly spoiled. His Mom I and I dont see eye to eye on his punishments when these things get out of control. As the youngest child from her late husband, I feel she is protecting him,sheltering giving in. I'm on the other hand a  more strict and direct. She gets very upset when I step in with punishment, thus leading to huge arguments. Our 3 yr old which is ours together in controled by both of us without issue. I just need some advise.

[Sarah1013]

oh wow I completely missed the fact that his dad died. That does make things a little different, but I would still say there needs to be consistency in how you guys handle him.

[specialmom]

This is just my opinion, but I would step back from this.  This is a child that has LOST his father.  Grief can come in many forms.  Now he lives with a man who talks bad about him to his mother and basically doesn't approve.  He very well may be doing the best he can-----  holding it together in school and not being able to control it as much at home.  That is what a significant loss would do to a child.  Whether it happened a long time ago or not, he may be struggling more with this than you realize.  I don't think any new spouse should fight with a child's parent on raising that child.  His mother will always get defensive in those circumstances.  He also was the "BABY" until the new 3 year old came along.  He's been displaced and that is a bitter pill to swallow for some kids.  I would approach his mother in a "team" way saying you just want what is best with this child and is there anything you can do to help.  As a counselor for a lot of years, I'm afraid this child will be dealing with lots of pain that you aren't seeing.  Good luck.

[Sarah1013]

Have you sat down and tried to talk out your differences? I really think you need to come to an agreement as to how to punish him for this to work. Children notice more than we give them credit for and he has probably picked up on the inconsistencies and is using it to his advantage.