My child's first sleep over

[birdcage726]

My 5-yr old son had his first sleepover with another 5-yr old boy that he's known for 2-1/2 years.  They are fond of each other even though they are very different children - he's a jock, wants to win everthing, "I won, I won" type, holds himself.  My son more of the goofball, can't play ball, doesn't have a real quick wit, resorts to whining easily.  After coming in from outside, while I was getting some pajamas from the laundry room, the two got stripped down in his room to change.  I heard him say to his friend that they could "let their privates touch each other."  On my way back to his room right at that time, I calmly said that we should keep our privates to ourselves.  My son had an erection!  The other boy was in his underwear saying that's what he was going to wear to bed.  My son looked a little shameful when he took the pajamas from me, and wouldn't stand up.  He was repeating himself that he just wanted underwear, just wanted underwear.  I explained that it would be more appropriate to wear full pajamas right now, and they both agreed.  I am in shock!  I was on eggshells all night trying to convince myself my son is not a freak.  It was the closest he's gotten to someone besides his father and me.  It was his first glimpse at someone else's sort of intimate time/normal time.  I got the feeling that the whole visit from his friend made him feel so special and loved and chosen.  He has questioned the only child thing and recently started naming this person and that person his brother or sister, "I have a brother, his name is this"  He doesn't have the experience of the other child in the house, no visibility of his mother or father caring for someone such as diapering, potty training, bathing.  I am hopeful that it is a normal feeling of closeness that caused it, and not sexuality.  Could he be gay?  When I put them to bed, the underwear thing came up again and they change into them separately....and he got another erection that didn't seem to affect him at all.  His friend didn't seem to notice anything strange, which was relieving to me.  I saw it because I was watching for it - praying it wouldn't happen.  I am trying to recall all the touching he's done in his life and I'm not sure he's had enough?!  If he hasn't run the gammet of self-exploration as a toddler, will this continue and make him strange among friends and peers?  Will it be easy for him to recognize sexuality and sex drive?

[birdcage726]

thank you for your reply!  hearing your opinions is so helpful.  you know, the very next morning (after I posted) he was totaly mindful of privacy, mostly his own, and I didn't see anything curious going on at all.  I believe you are right, he learned that he shouldn't and doesn't want to expose himself in areas that may be awkward and/or inappropraite.  Thank you - he is pretty smart, and surprises me more and more everyday :-)

[aid821]

I can totally understand your concern and panic caused by what has happened. By your son referring to that other boy or other children straight away tells me that he feels as though they are his brother or sister and that he feels a (non-sexual) closeness to them. This can be a positive thing as some only children want to just stick to themselves and not socialise with other children the same age.

As for the actual incident, although maybe slightly inappropriate, probably wasn't sexually based. if their privates did infact touch, then it's not uncommon for an erection to occur. The same thing occurs when toddler boys first work out what that touching their penis' feels good as you pointed out. I think you did the right thing by encouraging your son away from this behaviour, he sounds like an intelligent boy so will probably learn quick.

I don't think this will make him strange among his friends as chances are this wont continue to happen. Sexuality is with children as soon as they are born and obviously continues as they develop, and i think most children subconsciously recognise sexuality. I'd say it's too early to predict sex drive until puberty.

I honestly don't think he will be gay, but if he did turn out to be i'm sure you'll love him just as much. One last thing, your son will be touching his penis for a long time to come yet, wait until adolescence!