Dealing with other people's children when sharing living space

[getlykemc10]

If you were annoyed or upset with some of the behaviors/actions of a roommates child, would you feel comfortable speaking up & telling the roommate or not say anything because it's really not your place & you're trying to keep the peace? The child doesn't live with our roommate but visits quite often.

[specialmom]

Okay, I'll give you what you want.  Tell her dad that you'd like her to not enter your room.  THAT is a reasonable request.  Other than that, I don't think you can have the house quiet all day with kids in the house.  So, on the note of making a house rule that HE (the dad) and his daughter aren't to enter your private space---  that is a reasonable thing to say to them.  

The reason why I don't think it is worse to ask them to leave is that it just isn't working.  It's not working for THEM either.  His child isn't doing bad things but they irritate you.  That doesn't make you a bad person but it causes you aggrevation and them the feeling that maybe she IS doing something bad which is unfortunate (as she is not from what you describe here.  She sounds pretty tame.).  They need their space to live as they would like and you need yours.  In the long run, everyone will be much more happy if you aren't living together.  

[specialmom]

It all just sounds odd to me.  Good luck  (afraid to say much more for fear you will get angry.)

[getlykemc10]

I feel like asking the dad to move out would be worse than asking him to ask his daughter not to go into our room. I was venting but I was also asking for help because I was uncomfortable with a few things. However, the way you responded made me feel like I was the bad guy for being upset about being woken up & her coming into our room. My reason for being upset with how she acted towards my son was because I felt like she was trying to get him trouble. She started playing with him first & when he reciprocated she told her dad on him. Like I said in my earlier posts I haven't said anything because it didn't bother me right away. I don't expect her to change her ways or to act a certain way, but I rightfully feel uncomfortable with anyone (child or not) just coming into my room. It's not like she is around all the time or lives here so besides the above mentioned her presence doesn't bother me. The only advice I wanted was whether I should voice my concerns or keep the peace.

[getlykemc10]

You're making me feel like a bad person by implying that I'm trying to force the child to live or act a certain way. I did say in an earlier post that they were both yelling & didn't realize I left it out the first time so for that I apologize. Both children are allowed to play as they want & I have no issue with how either of them plays. It's when she's coming upstairs to my room when I'm there or not is what I have an issue with. I had no intentions on asking her to live the way I want to live. What I was asking advice for was should I speak to him about her being upstairs in my room or the nursery. The reason I asked her not to go upstairs is because my husband is asleep & when she does go upstairs she usually heads into our room. When my son wandered down into his bedroom awhile back & was in his stuff, he came to me & asked that it not happen again. I had no issue with that because that was his space. My husband or roommate never once said they wanted it to be quiet but just not to be woken up or bothered while they sleep. My husband works 3rd shift because it pays more & with one child here & another coming it's been very helpful. His schedule will be changing next week so he will be up more during the day & so will our roommate. I don't think it's wrong of me to be upset about someone coming into my room at various points. What if myself or my husband were getting dressed or being intimate?

[specialmom]

I get hormones.  I really do and yes, that could be part of this reaction you are having to the child.  You take some things personally and are reacting with emotion that I don't quite understand.  It's just not a match and i was trying to encourage you to look at it a different way to see why that is.  If you just wanted to vent, fine.  But I can think of no other solution that is fair to the child or you other than for the dad to move his daughter and himself out.  good luck

[specialmom]

The situation isn't working.  I never said you were a bad person but I feel sorry for this little girl.  You did not say it was early in the morning and you blamed the child only without including that dad was part of the yelling.  

I wouldn't function well in your house because it is also respectful for people to be allowed to  awake during the day and for kids to be kids.  Maybe third shift isn't family friendly and that is something for you and your husband to discuss.  I have insomnia myself and understand being tired.

There is no other solution but to ask the dad to move out.  I don't think it is fair to ask the child to live just as you want things to be.  It is her dad's house too.  This isn't a dorm but a home.  If the two families have different needs, it's not a match for all to live together.  It's really that simple.  You two aren't a match to share living quarters.  good luck