Dr. Kevin Leman system-"Fun Day"

[keekster]

I just read Have a new kid by Friday by Dr. Leman.  My 5 year old's behavior has gotten totally out of control and my wife and I are ready to start enforcing punishments and being tough.   Has anyone ever used his system?  My question is "going to war" or Fun Day on friday, would halloween be too "drastic" a day to begin?  

He purposefully misbehaves at the worst possible times just to drive my wife and us crazy.  Anytime we threaten him or punish him he does not respond.  Is Halloween over the top as far as a punishment goes??

[Natta1980]

I understand that you are fed up with his behavior, but, unfortunately, this strategy is not likely to work and will get him more resentful towards you. There should be no gap between behavior and consequence for this age. And it seems very mean, too....Especially if he expects to go and you will only be announcing to him that he is not going right before the party.....

Let me know if he has a problem accepting "no" in general - and I can share a wonderful program for improving that, I still cannot beleive how simple it is and how well it works:)

Watch for your reaction to his tantrums - it is a key

And as of people opinions.....well - I can assure you it is very possible to ignore them:) Even of a 14 hours flight:) Your little one is very smart, and I can sense from your tone that you've been experiencing trouble "sticking to your decisions" when faced with a public meltdown. My husband was making the same horrible mistake for a few years - in order to keep my lil' one quiet in public, he fed him sweets.....The same at home - he has low tolerance for screaming, so he just gave in to console his son. Once he became a "primary caregiver" for two month, behavior became outright horrendous.

I worked in retail, and you can see how people react to their children's behaviors....Parents who get all uptight and shrug under "looks" seem to have to fight longer....

what is the Dr. Lehman's system anyway?

[keekster]

thank you for your response.  The rpobnlem his bad behavior is usually in public which is impossible to ignore and it is humiliating.  I was thinking of not taking him to a halloween party he has been looking forward to all week.  and to apply Dr. Lemans system of saying No, we are not going and walk away...etc... and sticking to my decisoion so he learns that there are consequences for his actions

[Natta1980]

Do you really want a new kid? Oh, I am just kidding.

I would not start on Haloween. Your efforts may be jeopardized by sugar highs and other fun stuff:) And did you try just to ignore him if he tries to drive you crazy on purpose? Attention is the reward, remover the reward. My son actually warns me "mommy, I am going to drive you crazy" - so I go into ignore mode. Ignore behavior, not the child. It is a control thing. My lil' one actually likes when dad goes into a rage, it is a proof that, also he is a little guy, he can mess with dad and get him out of control.
You say that punishment and threats do not work....More punishment is not likely to work. And I guess "the worst possible times" mean the least controlled situations - grocery checkout line, etc........
My son does not fear punishment. I recall myself as a teenager driving my parents nuts, making my mom cry, and only after everybody is having a meltdown, I was happy. For me it was a control thing. I did not have fear of punishment whatsoever.

I turned out ok, though, and my past experiences help me understand my son better and have more patience with him

Good luck:)