Fearful 3 year old- preemie

[Linzer]

My 3 1/2 year old had a rough road into the world. She was born at 34 weeks because I was preeclampsic (and under a considerable amount of stress at the time). She weighed a little less than 4 pounds. Her apgars were great however and she was only in the NICU for 2 wks in order to gain weight. All was well bringing her home but as she got older we started to notice some subtle differences with her compared to other children her age. Her moro reflex was longer and more pronounced than other kids. When she started to crawl if a sound happened (not necessarily loud) she would drop to her stomache- a fear response. This happened quite often with general day to day sounds- more than other kids. Now things like her younger brothers toys scare her (not all, some). We have a ball that jiggles and laughs when you play with it and this really scares her... she usually runs out of the room or hides behind me. There are tears and a tantrum. The whole event seems very irrational. My son cannot play with a bunch of his toys around her because they illicit this type of fear. She has never used a public toilet (even at preschool) because it scares her. I don't even try anymore because she throws a very loud tantrum and seems truly terrified... we get a lot of stares. She can be socially awkward. She will engage in more parallel play with kids her age. On her own she has quite the imagination and will participate in imaginative play- or with me (I usually lead though). She hit most of her milestones on time (a few physical ones were delayed- it took a long time to figure out ride-on toys). But the basics she hit toward the end of the normal range. She always excelled at language- she loves to have books read to her. She toe walks most of the time (but apparently I did too as a child). She is an absolute delight to my husband and I but I fear for her future if she continues these awkward traits. Can you offer any advice?

[Denisehuddell]

Hi,  I have a 3 yr old preemie.  She was 4lbs 2oz at birth.  I am also very nervous about her starting school this fall.  She is very clingy and wants to be held when she is in a new environment.  She has seen a developmental specialist throughout the last 3 years and finds "borderline findings".  She is a little wobbly in her stride and will visit a neurologist for a full evaluation this week.  Other than that, I find she is a loving,curious and happy girl.  Her tantrums are tough on me and she falls apart when I correct her behavior.  I worry that the teachers may not have the patience that I try to give her and will end up disliking school.  

[Linzer]

Thank you so much for your response. You have no idea how comforting it is to know there are others out there that have gone through this and overcame it. I have tried the coping or leaving option with her. I have a feeling that she is simply extra sensitive because she was a preemie. Thanks again!

[mytwoboyz1]

I also have a premmie. He was born at 25 weeks. He does/has done the same things. At almost 6 he has outgrown them all exept the public toilet thing. Have you tried explaining to her, in 5 minutes brother is going to play with his loud toy and so you can stay and try not to be scared or you may go spend some time playing in another room and give her the option of coping or leaving? Dont worry the docs are right she will eventually out grow these "scares" I would try to expose her as much as she will tolerate though.

[Linzer]

Thank you for your response. My pediatrician is very in tune to what is going on but doesn't seem to be that concerned. I think its being chalked up to "preemie akward" behavior which she will grow out of. I guess I will have to keep the pressure on her Dr. to help us out.

[91004]

Have you asked the pediatrician about your concerns maybe he can recommend something or someone. It doesnt sound normal to me I have a 2 and 4 yr old their boys though and they arent scared of much and usually a simple its okay your fine helps them and their over it.