4 and 1 year old.

[alliie]

I have a 4 year old son, he insists of not listening to me, for example i tell him its time for bed and he doesnt wanna go to bed, every night its the same thing, but once the fight is over and he is in bed he goes to sleep. if we are out in public he will ask for something every single time after i tell him not to ask me befor we even arrive where we are going, and if i say no he crys and starts having a fit. when he is playing with other kids he is always telling me there not sharing, and they are going to tell on him and when i ask about what he says he didnt do nothing, he is always yelling and hurting his brother as well. when i tell him he is not listening and he just simply never learns he says " but i want to learn, but i want to listen" alll theee timeeee and it drives me crazy, he gives me attitude more then not. as well as he is always going to the bathroom to pee, all the time he is peeing and i dont give him much to drink at all so i have no idea what is going on with that. i have had numerous of talks with him and they are pretty deep conversastions to have with a 4 year old, but nothing works, if anything its getting worse.

my one year old son is always crying and whining, he as well is always hitting his dad aunties cousins brother and myself, and we tell him no and give him a tap on the hand sometimes but he thinks that it is funny, he also always wants to eat. neither of my children listen  and i dont know what im doing wrong or what im just simply not doing, i spend time with them and i am with them everyday and give them each equal attention as best i can, i just need some answers anything you can throw at me. please help.
Allison

[alliie]

it says i have a response where do i find it?

[adgal]

I'm no expert, but to me your kids sound pretty normal.  A 4 year old has not yet developed control over his emotions or impulses (stores know what they are doing when they put candy and toys and child eye level).  My child isn't that old yet, but in seeing friends young children and my nephews, they did the same things at that age.  It takes lots of patience and sticking to your guns to teach them. Continue gently reminding him that the two of you "made a deal". Time and you being consistent will help him learn.  As for peeing all the time...it sort of concerns me that this bothers you. Yes, he is potty trained, but they have little bladders and not great control yet.  Let the child go to the bathroom as often as he needs to without making it an issue.  It will just make him feel badly. If you think it's really excessive, he probably needs to see a Dr. to ensure there is no medical reason such as a bladder infection or something.

As for your one year old...my son is 16 months and he went through similar phases with whining and hitting.  The whining is for a variety of reasons and still goes on sometimes.  It's usually because he is tired or hungry, if he is wet or even teething.  Many times he just wants to cuddle.  Right now he is going through a stage where he is super clingy.  He doesn't just want to be with me, he wants to be on me all the time.  Either on my lap or me carrying him.  It's just a phase and he obviously needs extra reassurance.  So I just do it.  They are little and it's up to us to figure out what is going on and fix it.  Hitting was something else my litttle guy did and still does.  Another member here taught me a way to deal with it that works very well.  I just take his hands away and gently but firmly say "no hitting".  He is learning.  When he stops I because I asked him to, I make a big deal out of it saying things like "what a good boy you are, doing as mommy asks".  I don't know if he completely understands, but he gets a big grin and does understand that he has made mommy happy.  Again, repetition and consistency.  Hitting his hands won't work.  Your hitting him to get him not to hit?  See why that might not do it?  Wanting to eat all the time.  Yeah, they are hungry alot.  Normal.  On a typical day my son eats 3 meals a day and 3 to 4 snacks, plus his milk.  Some days he eats more then others.  THey are growing.  Unless there is a medical reason to cut his calories (should be done through a Dr.) let him eat.  When we are out I always carry things like cheese cubes or fruit with me.  He snacks often and it's healthy.

They are growing and learning.  In time they will learn to listen.  It just takes patience, repetition and consistency (I learned so much of this here from more experienced moms, and the advice has been really good).  HItting and yelling won't do it.  Calm voices and lots of reminders will.  Don't expect too much too young.  It takes time and they count on us to teach them properly.  Good luck to you.