Aa
Help!
My x-husband left our 18yr marriage 4 years ago, leaving me with my three children (at the time 11, 7 and 4). I left our home with my children to begin a fresh new start. He moved his girlfriend and three young children in the home we left, in my childrens bedrooms.. etc. He was remarried within a year taking on a huge role as a "new" father of 6!
I have had awful behaviorial issues with my kids, my now 7yr old is doing much better (although is very wild) my 11 yr old and 15 yr old girls now are just horrible to one another-it has been going on too long and I am just exhausted in what to do anymore. My 15 yr old I had leave our home (2months ago) due to her behaviorial issues and disrespect for myself, my home and especially her brother and sister. In the past 1 1/2 years she has gotten into a ton of trouble, alcohol, tried one narcotic, sexual encounters begenning at the age of 13, attitude, disrespect, and the last resort was stealing from a local store. A month after her being grounded, I had her stay with her father.
Her fathers home and mine are very close in distance, so doing favors.. etc. is not a problem. We have parented wonderfully together for the past 2 years now and try to keep discipline the same between the homes.
I really do not know what to do anymore.. I feel I have given her every ounce of energy I have and there is nothing more to give. I have shown her great support during all of this, do not down talk her father, love and affection is always present and I feel as if all she has done is taken advantage of me and she could care less about anything.
If you could please give me some advice as I feel like I have failed and I know that I haven't!
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!! Maria
I have had awful behaviorial issues with my kids, my now 7yr old is doing much better (although is very wild) my 11 yr old and 15 yr old girls now are just horrible to one another-it has been going on too long and I am just exhausted in what to do anymore. My 15 yr old I had leave our home (2months ago) due to her behaviorial issues and disrespect for myself, my home and especially her brother and sister. In the past 1 1/2 years she has gotten into a ton of trouble, alcohol, tried one narcotic, sexual encounters begenning at the age of 13, attitude, disrespect, and the last resort was stealing from a local store. A month after her being grounded, I had her stay with her father.
Her fathers home and mine are very close in distance, so doing favors.. etc. is not a problem. We have parented wonderfully together for the past 2 years now and try to keep discipline the same between the homes.
I really do not know what to do anymore.. I feel I have given her every ounce of energy I have and there is nothing more to give. I have shown her great support during all of this, do not down talk her father, love and affection is always present and I feel as if all she has done is taken advantage of me and she could care less about anything.
If you could please give me some advice as I feel like I have failed and I know that I haven't!
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!! Maria
all is better now- better than I ever imagined- I remarried in the Church to a wonderful man- with the highest integrity. My youngest son is considering the seminary but still praying on it since he knows how much he loves girls and babies!
giving her time is excellent decision- the ball is IN HER COURT so to speak/ now she has to eventually find a way to become considerate of other family members' feelings- as well as her own and find that just right balance- no one is able to make that step for her- she is herself living the life that brings her temporary pleasure---- let her deal with any natural consequences that occur from that lifestyle! and I pray for you all to find TRUE happiness- not just the kind that is short- lived .
giving her time is excellent decision- the ball is IN HER COURT so to speak/ now she has to eventually find a way to become considerate of other family members' feelings- as well as her own and find that just right balance- no one is able to make that step for her- she is herself living the life that brings her temporary pleasure---- let her deal with any natural consequences that occur from that lifestyle! and I pray for you all to find TRUE happiness- not just the kind that is short- lived .
Great insight. yes, i agree and half always known how self centered my childrens father has been and still is! He thinks he is doing his best, although is still very selfish.
I will not give into my daughters taunting ways, although I do tell her she is welcomed back into my home when she can learn respect for myself, her brother and sister and my household guidelines. Although we do not talk on a regular basis, she has zero interest in talking, communicating or even seeing me unless it 'benefits' her in some way. Although the three times that she has stayed the night here in the past 2months there were huge behaviorial and disrespect issues' once again' with the family.. so that is when I cleaned her basement bedroom up a bit and made it more comfortable for the other two kids to enjoy it with friends.. games.. tv.
Maybe I just need to give this sometime.. her time to realize things as I don't even have it in my heart to "try" to make things right right now.. nothing else to give I suppose.
Sorry to hear about your situation, although it sounds like you and your boys have come a long way and a doing much better.
I will not give into my daughters taunting ways, although I do tell her she is welcomed back into my home when she can learn respect for myself, her brother and sister and my household guidelines. Although we do not talk on a regular basis, she has zero interest in talking, communicating or even seeing me unless it 'benefits' her in some way. Although the three times that she has stayed the night here in the past 2months there were huge behaviorial and disrespect issues' once again' with the family.. so that is when I cleaned her basement bedroom up a bit and made it more comfortable for the other two kids to enjoy it with friends.. games.. tv.
Maybe I just need to give this sometime.. her time to realize things as I don't even have it in my heart to "try" to make things right right now.. nothing else to give I suppose.
Sorry to hear about your situation, although it sounds like you and your boys have come a long way and a doing much better.
well we are emotional- we are moms- it is our jobs to be the heart of the family.
Dads are supposed to be the disciplinarians- your world is chaotic- you got stuck with both "head and heart" jobs.....
forgive me if I am wrong on ANY of this- but my husband ran away with someone and tried to keep us all friends- she was a personal friend of ours before he left me for HER-
friendship and vacations together was not going to happen- I am glad you were able to work thru all this though for everyone's sake.
Your daughter very likely sees a father who should be home taking care of his babies- a man that does what feels good- a man that puts his needs above the needs of his family.....not his new family- his first family that he abandoned.....
why would she not be self centered too?
It tried very hard not to bad mouth my husband but I chose my words very carefully- I told my boys I loved daddy but I did not like the way he was acting...... then we prayed together as a family- "May God be first in the lives of this family, whoever chooses to be in this family" and then live YOUR life that way.......
next you have to decide what control you have over others- you do not have control over how someone acts (your daughter) but you have control over the consequences you will enforce in your home if rules are not kept- This is where mom has to fight her emotional urges. You have a one:one talk with your daughter- calmly and rationally tell her-
I need you to understand you are hurting yourself and others- I cannot allow it- You are welcome to live with dad if he allows it- My younger babies are watching your bhavior and I will not tolerate some of the things you have been doing.
the fact that you get along with dad means he will take her- I don't know if that is a good think- I don't the idea of a man that leaves his family- he is weak in my mind- and in this scene is worthless.... sorry so negative there but how will he raise his children to be God centered if he is self centered? and how will they learn any accountability if he is accountable "only to his feelings?" Sheesh any of us can be accountable to our feelings and do what makes us feel good- but see- that is all your daughter is doing- I am not sure any of us can excuse her behavior but I do see this as the reason she is leaving a self centered life. Dad taught her how.
Dads are supposed to be the disciplinarians- your world is chaotic- you got stuck with both "head and heart" jobs.....
forgive me if I am wrong on ANY of this- but my husband ran away with someone and tried to keep us all friends- she was a personal friend of ours before he left me for HER-
friendship and vacations together was not going to happen- I am glad you were able to work thru all this though for everyone's sake.
Your daughter very likely sees a father who should be home taking care of his babies- a man that does what feels good- a man that puts his needs above the needs of his family.....not his new family- his first family that he abandoned.....
why would she not be self centered too?
It tried very hard not to bad mouth my husband but I chose my words very carefully- I told my boys I loved daddy but I did not like the way he was acting...... then we prayed together as a family- "May God be first in the lives of this family, whoever chooses to be in this family" and then live YOUR life that way.......
next you have to decide what control you have over others- you do not have control over how someone acts (your daughter) but you have control over the consequences you will enforce in your home if rules are not kept- This is where mom has to fight her emotional urges. You have a one:one talk with your daughter- calmly and rationally tell her-
I need you to understand you are hurting yourself and others- I cannot allow it- You are welcome to live with dad if he allows it- My younger babies are watching your bhavior and I will not tolerate some of the things you have been doing.
the fact that you get along with dad means he will take her- I don't know if that is a good think- I don't the idea of a man that leaves his family- he is weak in my mind- and in this scene is worthless.... sorry so negative there but how will he raise his children to be God centered if he is self centered? and how will they learn any accountability if he is accountable "only to his feelings?" Sheesh any of us can be accountable to our feelings and do what makes us feel good- but see- that is all your daughter is doing- I am not sure any of us can excuse her behavior but I do see this as the reason she is leaving a self centered life. Dad taught her how.
Thankyou for your comment--you are definatley not the first to tell me that she is taking advantage of me! Your religious view are VERY welcomed, as I am a believer although very emotional also. Would love to here your theory. I'm a bit tired of beating myself up over this.
you have not failed and she is taking advantage of you. I have some ideas for reasons behind, it but they are religious views not just ethical or emotional. Write me a note if you are interested in my theory
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