Aa
Help...11 yr old from Hell!!!
I have an absolutely horrible 11 yr old son. I also have 2 other children as well as 2 stepchildren who have never made me feel like this or done anything like he has.
I left his abusive father when he was just a baby. I've been with my current husband for near 10 yrs. My son has been given every chance, opportunity and consequence imaginable.
First off, before anyone judges- I've tried with him. I've had early intervention, home services, positive reinforcements, reward charts, time outs and grounding etc. Not even spankings work, he enjoys that. Nothing has helped or come close to working. I've had him in residential treatment and he liked it, looked at it like it was a resort. I've had him in day treatment, he has been in counseling since he was 6. He has even been admitted to the psychiatric hospital for 6 weeks, was there for 30 days and discharged only to be readmitted 10 days later for an additional 2 weeks.
My son basically plays all adults. He gives the answer he thinks people want to hear rather than tell the truth. He has been on several different medications and none have helped. He is a compulsive liar. He is a cleptomaniac, has been banned from multiple stores in our area. I can not take him into a store without him stealing. He has stolen from just about everyone in my family. He stole $80 from a teachers purse. He is very destructive, he's ruined so many clothes. He's done a lot of property damage- he's ripped a windshield wiper off our van, a headrest off a seat in the van as well as breaking plastic pieces off inside the van. He's destroyed many items of my husbands to "seek revenge" for being punished. He's defaced doors, walls, flooring and carpet in our residences. We have contacted police to no avail, due to his age. He has sent my husband to the hospital multiple times with massive panic attacks and caused him to have cardiac problems. He is physically and verbally abusive to me. He has slapped, punched, bitten, kicked, thrown things at me, pushed me down stairs. He has even pulled a knife on me. He also has an unhealthy obsession with me. He thinks I'm his "girlfriend/property". On multiple occasions, he has flashed his penis at me or masturbated while staring at me. He taunts the other children and constantly tries to engage them in fights whether physically or verbally. My 15 year old daughter is so scared that she sleeps with a lock on her bedroom.
He's made us prisoners in our own home. We can not simply go out and have regular family outings because of him.
He is terribly jealous of my dogs as they were gifts to me from my husband. I have a 5 lb. chihuahua that he has kicked down stairs or across the room. He's also flipped her off the arm of the couch. She has permanent damage to one of her rear legs from his abuse. I also have a husky that was my wedding present from my husband. She's been tortured horribly. He has hit, kicked and pulled her hair. He has stuck his hand down her throats and up her rectum. He has fed her all kinds of things trying to kill her, he's admitted this to us. Most recently, he pretended to take his ADHD medication and walked out of bathroom and fed it to her. This caused her to have a seizure, nearly dying.
He inflicts self injuries and tries to blame everyone else.
He had a 1:1 male aide assigned to him for his IEP. He was so badly behaved the aide quit his job.
He drinks out of toilets, picks through garbage if he sees someone throw away food he wants.
He has been assigned to the school nurses office to use the bathroom because he wiped feces all over the bathroom wall, he then did it at the nurses office as well.
He has flushed banana peels down the school toilet causing the whole system to malfunction and school close down.
He has physically attacked other children and even a pregnant teacher at school.
I've tried to show him nothing but love, however, the more of this stuff happens, I can not stand to be around him.
He's caused rifts in my marriage. He nearly split us up multiple times. He's told my husband he will not stop antagonizing him until he leaves me or dies.
I don't know what to do anymore. Like I've stated we have tried everything every professional has suggested and nothing works.
I've been told we can not put him in foster care voluntarily(we live in NY state).
We have tried residential and been told that the facility we put him in was the only one available in our area for his age.
He has several different diagnosis'. He is on the autism spectrum(highly functioning and very intelligent), ADHD, ODD, cleptomania, bipolar 1. We've even been told he's probably a psychopath but too young to formally diagnose. He's claimed to hear voices and see things, but tells Dr. one day and recants the next.
Anyone have similar issues or advice?
I left his abusive father when he was just a baby. I've been with my current husband for near 10 yrs. My son has been given every chance, opportunity and consequence imaginable.
First off, before anyone judges- I've tried with him. I've had early intervention, home services, positive reinforcements, reward charts, time outs and grounding etc. Not even spankings work, he enjoys that. Nothing has helped or come close to working. I've had him in residential treatment and he liked it, looked at it like it was a resort. I've had him in day treatment, he has been in counseling since he was 6. He has even been admitted to the psychiatric hospital for 6 weeks, was there for 30 days and discharged only to be readmitted 10 days later for an additional 2 weeks.
My son basically plays all adults. He gives the answer he thinks people want to hear rather than tell the truth. He has been on several different medications and none have helped. He is a compulsive liar. He is a cleptomaniac, has been banned from multiple stores in our area. I can not take him into a store without him stealing. He has stolen from just about everyone in my family. He stole $80 from a teachers purse. He is very destructive, he's ruined so many clothes. He's done a lot of property damage- he's ripped a windshield wiper off our van, a headrest off a seat in the van as well as breaking plastic pieces off inside the van. He's destroyed many items of my husbands to "seek revenge" for being punished. He's defaced doors, walls, flooring and carpet in our residences. We have contacted police to no avail, due to his age. He has sent my husband to the hospital multiple times with massive panic attacks and caused him to have cardiac problems. He is physically and verbally abusive to me. He has slapped, punched, bitten, kicked, thrown things at me, pushed me down stairs. He has even pulled a knife on me. He also has an unhealthy obsession with me. He thinks I'm his "girlfriend/property". On multiple occasions, he has flashed his penis at me or masturbated while staring at me. He taunts the other children and constantly tries to engage them in fights whether physically or verbally. My 15 year old daughter is so scared that she sleeps with a lock on her bedroom.
He's made us prisoners in our own home. We can not simply go out and have regular family outings because of him.
He is terribly jealous of my dogs as they were gifts to me from my husband. I have a 5 lb. chihuahua that he has kicked down stairs or across the room. He's also flipped her off the arm of the couch. She has permanent damage to one of her rear legs from his abuse. I also have a husky that was my wedding present from my husband. She's been tortured horribly. He has hit, kicked and pulled her hair. He has stuck his hand down her throats and up her rectum. He has fed her all kinds of things trying to kill her, he's admitted this to us. Most recently, he pretended to take his ADHD medication and walked out of bathroom and fed it to her. This caused her to have a seizure, nearly dying.
He inflicts self injuries and tries to blame everyone else.
He had a 1:1 male aide assigned to him for his IEP. He was so badly behaved the aide quit his job.
He drinks out of toilets, picks through garbage if he sees someone throw away food he wants.
He has been assigned to the school nurses office to use the bathroom because he wiped feces all over the bathroom wall, he then did it at the nurses office as well.
He has flushed banana peels down the school toilet causing the whole system to malfunction and school close down.
He has physically attacked other children and even a pregnant teacher at school.
I've tried to show him nothing but love, however, the more of this stuff happens, I can not stand to be around him.
He's caused rifts in my marriage. He nearly split us up multiple times. He's told my husband he will not stop antagonizing him until he leaves me or dies.
I don't know what to do anymore. Like I've stated we have tried everything every professional has suggested and nothing works.
I've been told we can not put him in foster care voluntarily(we live in NY state).
We have tried residential and been told that the facility we put him in was the only one available in our area for his age.
He has several different diagnosis'. He is on the autism spectrum(highly functioning and very intelligent), ADHD, ODD, cleptomania, bipolar 1. We've even been told he's probably a psychopath but too young to formally diagnose. He's claimed to hear voices and see things, but tells Dr. one day and recants the next.
Anyone have similar issues or advice?
He definitely has some type of sociopathical or psychopathical disorder. I am sorry to tell you there is really nothing you can do other than put him in a home or have him placed in a mental institution. I fear for your family and your dogs as well. Please be sure that you don't wait too long to put him away (if you wait until he actually does something it may be too late to save the people and animals in your family). I am sorry to sound SO harsh but I have a close family member who is a psychologist and had a client who was having the same problem with her daughter. The client waited to put her child away because she didn't want to do anything "too extreme", but was too late (her daughter had killed her two brothers and tortured one of the dogs). Stay strong, there is nothing wrong with you or the way you parent, some kids are just incorrigible and not fixable if you will.
I just lost a whole section I just wrote in respondance to this, so I will summarize; the best place for your son would be a psychiatric facility. It's not fair to your family and your dog's to have to live in fear every day, and you have tried everything. He will get better, with the right help, but it right now that won't be in your home. It is not fair for defenseless animals, children and yourselves to have to live like this. The abuse is unacceptable. Please seek the help you need for your son, for the safety of your family and animals.
1 Comments
All they will do is dope the child on meds. A mother never gives up. A family stick together and struggle. No life is easy. Don't give up mama. Pray and give Hod all your worries . That child needs you. You gave birth to him. Just made the house secure. Hide anything that could be used as a weapon. It will be temporary, but the family that works together , pray together stay together . Church. Therapy , love , spend more time with him as he seems to want your attention. Spend more time with him and be a little firm but be reasonable as well. Maybe he is trying to tell you something? Please don't put your child in a mental institution . A family fights together until the impossible . Good luck and God bless. United we stand, divided we fall.
Bec, can you suggest places she could leave this child, legally? There aren't places in her state where she can just abandon him to whatever agency will pick up custody for him, without her being subject to charges of child neglect.
It's not determined that he will kill pets and then the family. Your post seems really over the top.
It's not determined that he will kill pets and then the family. Your post seems really over the top.
2 Comments
I am afraid he is going to kill my dogs. And scared to go to sleep at night cuz I don't trust him.
No, her post really ISN'T over the top. By the way she describes his behavior her son is a sociopath. Already showing abuse is extremely terrifying because that will only progress in the future. He doesn't need to be abandoned, he needs to be put in a psychiatric hospital to keep her and her family safe
Also, is he the only child in the household who isn't your husband's child? Are your other two your current husbands kids?
Not placing blame, just trying to flesh out your family dynamics.
Not placing blame, just trying to flesh out your family dynamics.
1 Comments
No, I do not share any biological children with my husband. In addition to this 11 yr old boy, I have a 15 yr old daughter, and 22 yr old son. My 2 stepsons are 18&13.
I am not sure why he has not been diagnosed as a sociopath, but unfortunately, he is. It's a question of [diseased] brain functioning. There is no cure. I may not be able to explain this as well as a professional, but there is a problem in the reward system of the brain (and I suspect is even more complicated than that).
I have just one bit of advice: Extreme sports. If you could get him into sports that involve a lot of adrenalin, he might stand a chance at having a decent life (and more importantly, not continually cause any further harm and trauma to others).
Extreme sports will provide an adrenalin reward system...and in turn, you might at least have some power...by being able to give or withhold the adrenalin. (It's a theory that I am not sure will work, but it's worth a try.
There are a lot of sociopaths in this world, but the brain functioning that regulates the behavior of each sociopath is diverse, so it doesn't mean that they are all attracted to grotesque and macabar behavior.
Risky, adrenalin arousing sports, like racing, snowboarding, white-water rafting, free climbing, motocross - even risky stock investing - has a large community of sociopaths.
Your situation truly is a nightmare, and I do feel immensely for your plight. I have no idea if it will work, but no amount of unconditional love will fix your child. He doesn't have feelings, but he does need an outlet to release the need for high risk in a healthy way, and extreme sports is the only way to provide for his unique set of needs.
I have just one bit of advice: Extreme sports. If you could get him into sports that involve a lot of adrenalin, he might stand a chance at having a decent life (and more importantly, not continually cause any further harm and trauma to others).
Extreme sports will provide an adrenalin reward system...and in turn, you might at least have some power...by being able to give or withhold the adrenalin. (It's a theory that I am not sure will work, but it's worth a try.
There are a lot of sociopaths in this world, but the brain functioning that regulates the behavior of each sociopath is diverse, so it doesn't mean that they are all attracted to grotesque and macabar behavior.
Risky, adrenalin arousing sports, like racing, snowboarding, white-water rafting, free climbing, motocross - even risky stock investing - has a large community of sociopaths.
Your situation truly is a nightmare, and I do feel immensely for your plight. I have no idea if it will work, but no amount of unconditional love will fix your child. He doesn't have feelings, but he does need an outlet to release the need for high risk in a healthy way, and extreme sports is the only way to provide for his unique set of needs.
Has he been checked for Reactive Attachment Disorder? In Arizona, parents can place children like yours in a community placement therapeutic home.
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