My child is using his bodily fluids as a weapon

[CandiceClark]

I have a 4 1/2 year old boy. He has been through alot in his little life. In short he watched his mother die from a drug overdose at 2yrs old and was then left with a homeless drug addict for about 4 months. During that time I am certain that he was molested on more than one occassion.
Prior to his mother's death he was physically and psychologically abused by her and her boyfriends from the age of about 15 months.
I have had him since he was 2 1/2.  I have been able to correct every one of his ill behaviours such as hitting me, cursing at everyone, breaking things, wild tantrums, throwing things, biting and scratching himself. All of these things were done by him as an attempt to get his way.
He has been pottied trained since a few weeks before his 3rd birthday. Never had an accident at night or otherwise. He is now using his bodily excrements as a weapon to try to get his way. If I put him to bed at bedtime with the rest of the children and he wants to stay up he will pee or poop somewhere in the middle of the night. If he wants something during the day and doesn't get it then he will wait a few hours and go to another room and pee somewhere (dresser drawers, bathtub, sink, toy box, walls, floor...) When I ask him why he did it he will tell me it is because he was mad at me. I have tried ignoring it because that is what a social worker told me to do. It got worse. I have madehim clean up his own mess and wash his own laundry. That has helped some. Nowhe only pees in his bed or in his pants. I put him in diapers and that made it a constant problem. He was trying to show me that if he had to wear diapers then I was going to have to change them.
He is extremely intelligent. I put security cameras throughout the house because I caught him wandering around at night. I was shocked to see that he would pull his pajamas off, get a stuffed animal, put it on his bed and pee on it and then put it back on the shelf. He would then re-dress himself and I would never have known except for the cameras.
This has been an ongoing problem for about 18 months now. It is really affecting my entire family. I am not sure how to correct this and I am not sure that I can continue to deal with this everyday. I have tried everything I can think of to make it stop and nothing is working. I have tried showing no emotion and just making him clean up his mess. I have tried making him sit on the toilet for 15 mins every 2 hours, I have put him in diapers, restricted his activities, talked to him thousands of times about it is ok to be mad but it is not ok to do this when you are mad....
Please, if you have any ideas I would greatly appreciate it. I have an adoption hearing comeing up in a couple of months and as much as I don't want to I am seriously considering vacationg the adoption. I love him very much but 18 months of this and counting is more than my family needs to deal with. My 11 year old told me that I am not fun anymore. That I am cranky all the time. He is right and this is why. I really need help with this issue or I am not going to be able to continue on with this adoption.

[gitsum]

medical intervention, and perhaps religious counseling, is necessary. it may be hard to deal with, but it will only get worse. i'm not necessarily saying he needs medication or needs to be locked away, but he does certainly need to be seen by a doctor.

if he is a danger to himself or to others, then act right away.

[adgal]

I am sure this is so hard.  I also think this child probably needs some help from a specialist given the trauma experienced in his early years.  It sounds like you have done a great job, now perhaps he just needs that extra bit.  I truly hope you don't give up on him.  He's been through so much, and to lose his family again would be devestating.  I wish you the best and hope you are able to work through this soon.

[IChris]

His reaction sounds normal based on what he has been experienced. Soiling and wetting pants, beds, things etc. is one of the normal behavior a child who experience trauma may develop, and may be an expression for so much.

In any case, it is important to show unconditional love for a kid who have been through such a trauma; learn him that he is worth as much as others and that he never should be afraid that he may be left again or abused.

Instead of being angry at his behavior you should change his diaper without question and go on without much negative emotions toward it; but instead encourage him to try to be clean and work toward him so that he can feel that he can experience care and love without wetting and soiling himself or his toys.

Such a process may take time; trauma recovery in foster kids often take some years with unconditional love from the foster parents, but it is cleary worth it as the kid's progression towards a good life would be much better if the young years are done right.

[RockRose]

Also,  can you get him a trampoline?  I've recently seen lots of "buzz" about the positive affects of free play on trampolines for children.

[RockRose]

I would start by putting him in clothing he can't get out of.  and get a hospital bed warning thing (hospital supply store maybe?) that goes off with loud bursts when he gets out of bed.

It sounds like he had a really,  really rough beginning and it may even be that he was born addicted to drugs.  His behaviors may actually be caused by a brain anomoly,  not by how he was treated.

But anyway,  you can create clothing he is unable to remove,  and start with that for bedtime.  

Best wishes.  This must be really hard.

[margypops]

I think this child needs help something is making him very unhappy..making a 4 year old clean up his'mess' is not good ..I would take him to the doctor as soon a possible