Not sure if my 8yr old son's behaviour is normal

[Donna0114]

My 8 year old son is a clever and loving son when he wants to be but he upsets me so much as he is constantly beating his younger brother and loves a reaction. he is so strong I am worried he will go too far, a day doesnt go by without me telling him off or diciplining him. He doesnt know when to stop or takes matters too far. He is very argumentative and shouts back at me when I tell him off. When I used to ask him why he hurts his brother or takes pleasure from tormenting him or his own friends he said he sometimes feels his bad side coming over him but finds it difficult to control it.  At school his report states he is clever but lacks concentration and his writing and art work is poor.  He can perform well in class but is easily distracted and when he has to sit tests he loses concentration and hates writing so his grades dont give real potential.  He is in trouble most days.  When he is talking to me he is either twirling around or swinging the door, dont get me wrong he can sit still whilst watching tv or playing on his console.  He can bring the worst out in his friends to where they start fighting.  A few people have commented that his behaviour is not like an average 8 year old. He is in a football team which he loves but needs to be in the action or he easily loses concentration.  I dont know if he is just a naughty boy and I need to change my parenting or if its something else.  School have never said anything different, they put him into a social behaviour group when he was about 5 but I didnt see any change from start to finish and then into a fine motor skills group when he was 7 but now nothing is mentioned about his behaviour being out of the ordinary, is this because he is clever, I am not sure.  I would love some advice as he makes our household quite unhappy a lot of the time and it is such a shame because he has a wonderful side to him.

[Donna0114]

Hi, thanks for your comments.  He does play outside quite a bit with his bike or playing imaginary games with his friends.  He is always on the move and even though he does have a console and watch t.v its not for great amounts of time.  His dad works long hours but always gives him time with either a game of football or playing a board game as a family.  Going to speak to school and see what they have to say after the holidays.

[margypops]

I agree with Utahmom he also sounds as if he is trying to get more attention, mabe in competeion with his younger brother.The school doesnt sound too concerned parhaps ask for some further school counselling. It would be good to focus on his positive side, does he play outside games and sports is Dad involved in doing some guy stuff with him one to one,

[UtahMom4900]

Please get T.V and Video Games out of this child's life.  He clearly cannot handle them.  We stopped ALL T.V and Video games, and our son has been just wonderful ever since.  He improved in just a week, and it has now been a year and he is doing amazing.  Many boys cannot handle the violence and the rapid-fire imagery of these media and his developing brain is suffering.  It takes some being "firm" but you will never regret it.  My son's best friend also is not allowed to watch TV or play video games, and yes, they are BY FAR the highest achievers in their school.  

Good luck!

[Donna0114]

Thanks for the advice  I have spoke to him several times and he cant explain his behaviour.  If I gave him one to one attention for the full day he would be the best child in the world but everyone knows thats not possible.  He teaches comment how he always works better in a small group rather than in a full class.  He loves being centre of attention.  He does football twice a week and from when he started a year ago he didnt much enjoy it as he could hardly kick the ball but now is really enthusiastic about the team as he improves.  He will be moving up to Y4 in September and I am going to go and speak to his teacher once he has been with her for about a month as one of the other mums told me she was the one who picked up on her son having autism and got him referred.  

Thanks for the support, makes me feel a little more sane and not so much as a failure.

[supermomma531]

I highly agree with jdtm about what you should be doing about your sons behavior. All of these issues he's having sound like ADHD/ADD. The only way to get him tested is through a referral from your doctor or pediatrician. From there, he'd probably be sent to a child psychologist or a child psychiatrist. This is where u need to start. Have u ever tried a reward system for good behavior? It could work although I don't know what your son is interested in. Maybe he needs one on one attention from someone who can give their undivided attention even for maybe a hour a day. Maybe if he gets busy doing stuff like woodworking with anybody. Keeping his hands and mind busy will help him to stay out of trouble. Don't allow him to get away with disrespecting you like that either. Have u ever sat down and asked him if he has any questions or concerns? Try this. It may help.

[jdtm]

- he upsets me so much
- is constantly beating his younger brother and loves a reaction
- he sometimes feels his bad side coming over him but finds it difficult to control
- report states he is clever, lacks concentration and his writing and art work is poor
- easily distracted and when he has to sit tests,loses concentration and hates writing
- is in trouble most days
- can bring the worst out in his friends to where they start fighting
- people have commented that his behaviour is not like an average 8 year old
- they put him into a social behaviour group when he was about 5
- then into a fine motor skills group when he was 7


I've copied some of your statements - does this seem like normal behaviour?  Others (inlcuding the school) have also noticed that your son's behaviour seems "outside the norm".    I don't know why the school is not commenting on his behaviour (I would hope they haven't given up on your son or the school district is underfunded) - this is one area in which I would seek information.  Has your son ever been tested for ADHD/ADD?  Just wondering ....

I really think you need to contact the school re your son's behaviour.  If you get no response there, then contact your family doctor.  I don't know what is going on but it appears that whatever" it" is, "it" is not getting better.  Please seek further guidance and help.  I wish you the best ....