My 4 year old is out of control please help!

[noahsmommy0716]

My 4 year old son is litterly  out of control. My fiancee & I have been together ever since he was about 1...before that I was a single mother, as his father left when he was 3 months old. My son does not have anything to do with his biological father and my fiancee has been more of a father to him than his real dad. My fiancee lost his job and stayed at home with him on days that I worked,  he however has found a full time well paying job and I quit my job to stay at home. My fiancee has control over him he will listen to him and respects him, but does not respect me. He treats me like what I say is a joke. We also have a 1 year old who he treats bad. He kicks him, slaps him, pushes him over when he walks by him, does not share toys. I have tried everything I know to do. Consistant time outs, taking toys away from him. He will not stay in time out, he yells at me and his little brother. I can't take him anywhere by myself in public because 9 times out of 10 I have to leave the store or whatever we are doing because he acts out. I spank him when he gets really out of control and it does not phase him at all. I am at a loss, I don't know what to do. It is a different story when my fiancee is around. He listens to me, does not treat his brother bad, he acts like a normal child. I am starting to wonder if he is bi-polar or something. I can honestly say that his biological father was abusive and had mental problems. Please help!

[Sandman2]

  Annie is right on.  Think about it.  For about 3 years he had the full attention of someone.  Now he has to share that attention with a 1 year old (who needs a lot more attention than he does) and feels left out.  Your fiance comes home and now he is getting more attention, so he is a happy kid.
  So I doubt that he is bipolar. He is just taking control over you.  There are a lot of posts from parents on this forum about their out of control 3,4, or 5 year old with some really solid suggestions on how to deal with this situation.
  As a starting point - check this one out as it has a ton of helpful suggestions.
         http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Child-Behavior/At-Wits-End-With-My-5-Year-Old--Please-Help/show/1297054#post_5938249
          Hope this helps!

[AnnieBrooke]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.  There are some really good posts on this site for what to do about an out of control child, put the term in the search bar and you'll find some of them.  Spanking doesn't do anything, except teach him that using force when a person is frustrated is all right.  There are a lot of good books on discipline and the child, and there is a lot of good help out there with children's therapists.  It sounds like he is reacting to the change in caregiver and blames you for the loss of his beloved dad guy during the day.  (Incidentally, if you've been together three years, why in the heck is he still your fiance?  He sounds like a peach if he's been so there for your son.  I'd grab him and get married by a justice of the peace tomorrow if he was my guy.)  Anyway, see a children's psychologist or psychiatrist for suggestions, read the books, and try some other ways of handling it.  Your son is also old enough to talk to, your man could ask him what he is going through, and it might give both of you some insight about how to treat the situation.