help

[stircraz]

I have a 7 year old step daughter that I feel hates me. At one point in time I took her everywhere I went. We had some much fun together. She started living with Her dad and I. It was really great in the begging and then all of a sudden things got back. She's yells at me, doesn't listen,disrespectful, defiant. She has become an all around mean lil girl. I don't know what to do any more. Yelling, taking things away, grounding, spanking,and putting her in the corner doesn't even matter she just laughs at us. Any advice would be great. Thank you.

[specialmom]

Yes, it is a really good read.  That's all any parent can do is take one day at a time.  Remember, kids go through phases.  It's hard on a parent but with guidance, they will come out of a bad phase.  You are wise to try to nip this in the bud now.

best of luck and let us know how it goes.  

[stircraz]

Thank you both for the help. All I can do is take it one day at a time. Her dads does 99%of the disciplining it doesn't really work either.I'm going to try that book out at the library

[MarkLakewood3367]

You state in your post that your step daughter just began living with you and her father.  I"m assuming that she was living with her mother prior to that and there must of been a reason that caused her to live with you.  Changes in living arrangements are not easy for kids to adjust to.  Additionally, it is often difficult for kids to adjust to having a stepparent. What I would do is seeking mental health counseling for her to help her emotionally adjust to all of the changes in her life.  You might want to see if the school counselor could be used as such a resource.  

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  sorry it is hard.  I wonder why it changed.  Any ideas?  Is she stressed?  Could her bio mom be feeding her things/ideas?  Divorce/separation is hard on kids.  They can often act out.  Seven year olds are so young that showing emotion is difficult in appropriate ways.  So, many will act out when there is something going on internally. This is worth investigating. Sometimes someone being around for the fun times and then around constantly is hard on a child, so that dynamic may be involved.  Not that it is an excuse for bad behavior, mind you, but it helps to kind of understand what might behind a change in behavior.  

So, how does her dad handle things?  He's the first line of defense against bad behavior.  You and he need to discuss what is and isn't allowed.  Then sit down with her where he does the talking but you are there and he explains the rules.  No yelling, for example, at the adults. This will not be tolerated.  If she stays calm and talks in her normal voice--  praise and rewards will follow.  If she doesn't and chooses to yell, punishment follows.  (also really helps to make sure that yelling isn't going on at her or around the house because kids DO mimic behavior.  I'm also not a spanker as it sends a very mixed message.  I've never spanked my kids but discipline them to behave just the same . . .  it's not necessary in the process).  So, start with a few rules and go from there.  It can take a three weeks to change behavior, so be patient.  Enforce rules lovingly but firmly.  Some people do time outs and you can try that as the punishment.  7 minutes in her room alone.  If out in public and she yells?  Leave immediately from wherever you are at no matter how inconvenient.  If she is raising her voice, do not engage with her at all.  Then calmly tell her you are sorry she made the choice she did because now X (the punishment) has to happen.  

This usually works.  Love and Logic is a great book to check out at the library and give a read to.  Very helpful parenting advice.  good luck