son started soiling himself at school

[megan1]

my son who is 4 has been at school since september with no problems but the last week or so hes ether pooed himself or wet himself,everyday i pick him up he has different clothes from the school and his soiled in a bag ,has you can imagine this is very embassing and distressing im completely baffled so are the school ive now stopped treating him with sweets etc as a punishment today im ashamed to say i really shouted at him which i never do!! i need help trying to understand he says theres nothing wrong so why?. christine aylesbury bucks.

[margypops]

I have known that many teachers maybe because they are busy do not give small children enough potty'[ breaks , so speak to your son ask when he is allowed or asked if he wants to use the bathroom at school ..sometimes children dont like to ask to go... so check out how the school deals with bathroom time ..no punishments you will create anxiety and it will get worse ...

[tigerkat]

Also there might be something going on at school that could be causing him to do this. Problems with other children can also cause anxiety and behavouiral issues. Definitly talk to your son and see about the potty time issue or if he is having problems with other children like bullying. I don't believe that he is to blame for this issue I think something is triggering it you need to talk to him and find out what is going on to the best that he can explain.

[AnnieBrooke]

I also don't think he is too young for you to tell him you are sorry that you yelled.  Tell him you know it's not his fault, that sometimes things like this are out of the person's control.  Then probe delicately for the possible issues of not wanting to ask to go to the loo, or being bullied, or something else.  I remember in kindergarten, the bathroom was too obvious from the classroom, and I was embarrassed to ask to go to it with all the kids looking.  You guys might work out some kind of strategy for him to try, such as going when all the kids are focused elsewhere or when it's busy in the room (if self-consciousness seems to be the problem), and certainly you should talk to his teacher if you think he is not getting enough potty breaks.  I would take seriously the anxiety angle, also.  Kids do lose their potty training when something new and threatening comes into their environment.  You're not going to punish him out of this, you have to understand what is causing it.  He's not being "bad."

[megan1]

thankyou for your feedback, sat down with him today I told him I was sorry and asked all issues, it turns out that he does ask but the teachers and helpers dont seem to listen to him because hes very shy then its to late so I think I need to speak to teachers and ask if this is the case and discuss regular toliet breaks.

[megan1]

thankyou for your feedback, sat down today to discuss whats happened this week it turns out that he does ask but because hes so shy they dont notice til its to late!! they dont have regular toilet breaks you just need to ask, so I need to speak to the teachers again and tell them what my son said and suggest they ask him regulary. thanks again

[AnnieBrooke]

My son began preschool this last week, still in diapers because he's only 3, but I notice that he won't even pee in them when at school, he's so afraid the teacher will have to change him.  It makes him self-conscious to be changed by a stranger (he even feels embarrassed when his regular babysitter does it).  You'd think someone still in diapers would take a change whenever he could get it, but instead the poor kid is paranoid even to pee lest someone have to do it.  So I'm not surprised that your son is shy about this.  I'm SO glad you told him you were sorry to have lost your temper and that you knew it wasn't his fault.  Kids need to see parents role-modeling the apology-and-problem-solve behavior, so they know how to do it.  Plus, it takes the pressure lockdown off the loaded issue of potty training.  Good luck!

[margypops]

I have found this happens a lot and parents dont realise thats why I asked you ,and children especially as they get older do not like to mention they need to go to the bathroom.Hopefully this will sort itself out and the teacher will quietly remind him ...