behavioral problems with my 4 yr old

[caitlynn21]

I have a four year old son who has been in continous daycare since may of 2007.  He has been acting up since he started and it continues to get worse everyday.  He screams when he doesnt get his way and whines all day long.  He has started to hit the teachers and has been throwing toys across the room when the teacher tells him to give back the toys he snatched.  Hes totally disruptive when they are doing their group time and because hes been so bad the teachers are constantly in caos when hes there.  He is about to get kicked out the the daycare.  I am about to start getting him counsiling but i have to be able to keep him in the school and because it is gonna take time for the counsiling I need some quick advice on how to control his behavior until then.  Ive tried everything from spankings to time out and taking toys away.  Nothing seems to be working at this point.  Can someone help me?
Deperate!

[caitlynn21]

Im not really sure if it is sensory.  He hates thunder.  Ive taken him to car races and to a monster truck show and he absolutely has to have ear plugs.  Matter of fact at those shows he threw up shortly after the cars started.  But he loves banging things together.  It drives me crazy because he is always banging his toys.  Smell doesn't bother him at all. And it doesnt seem like he really cares about clothes at all.  No problems there.  I have looked up the check list of all the different sensory problems and he doesnt seem to have hardly any.  Just the noises.  He is a very loving child though and loves to be hugged.  Tells me often that he loves me and has to have a hug.  Gives me kisses all the time to but always like to wipe them off.  lol.  I've always been very loving with him and I just put it off as that, he just likes to be loving.
His counsilor thinks he has a little bit of anxiety.  She said that there is something underlying but not sure what yet.  I am separated from his dad and have been since August.  His dad is also a boat captain and has been in and out of his life due to the job. But trys to be an active parent as much as he can.  He works 28 days and home for 14.  He has him when he is home.  It could be that or something else. I am getting him tested on the 28th. In the mean time i am trying different things like giving him options, rewarding, and time outs and the light system we just started today.  Thank you for your help and your advice.  I will try it cause I need everything I can get right now.

[tiredbuthappy]

i looked up your old post to see if i can give more input specific to your situation.

i wouldn't be quick to say he doesn't like daycare or that there's a clash with teachers. the little boy who i worked with recently was so dependent and fond of me, he couldn't handle it at all if i played with anyone else. he ended up hurting my and i had to go out on workman's comp for 2 weeks because of the incident. as the social worker put it, and as it was very clearly evident, he loved me too much. it does sound like the teachers are in over their heads simply because many teachers are not provided with training to work with children like your son.

it is clear that something is aggitating your son. (i am going on the assumption that you do make firm attempts to discipline him and this is not a case of a spoiled child testing boundaries). it is quite possible that there are some sensory issues. and like i said in the other post, when things like that are an underlying cause, the child is aggitated but doesn't know why. think of a bad day you have, and you may snip at someone for no real reason. something is bothering you and you take it out on someone else. if it is a sensory processing problem, he doesn't understand why he's doing it. he may not even understand what is bothering him, although him declaring he doesn't like noises is a sign that he's beginning to recognize what does bother him.

i am not diagnosing your child. i suspect sensory because you yourself mention a diagnosis, and because his behaviors match what i have seen. the children i have worked with that have some degrees of sensory integration disorders behaved very similarly- very disruptive at circle, throwing toys, hitting, etc... these ARE also characteristics of undisciplined children before every parent who reads this thinks they found a magic diagnosis for their disruptive child, but i really don't think that's the case here.

the techniques i gave in the other post are developmentally appropriate for ALL children, but can be especially helpful for children with sensory problems. exploring with different materials and games can help you pinpoint some of what bothers him. play games that involve ALL senses. some games could be clapping games, take some blocks and clap them together while you dance; play with bells; tie jingle bells to your feet and dance; place different scents in film canisters and make a smell matching game; make texture collages out of different scraps. this can help give insight into the problem.  ex: one boy freaked out during clapping games. i do have to say that it does sound like your child may need to work with OT. one little boy i had a couple years back went to his town's early intervention in the morning and came to our regular daycare after lunch for the rest of the day. that program made such a huge difference in him. i suspect he is a regular classroom now.

[margypops]

He obviously doesnt like day care maybe hes there too many hours during the day,firstly if hes there a lot can you cut that back so he is with you more.There seems to be a clash with the Teachers, has he plenty to do there ,are there plenty of activitys for the kids at this day care . Councelling is always good when things get out of hand,Have you asked him why he is unhappy there , get some feedback about the place at 4years old he'll be able to tell you, why does he hit the Teachers are they kind to him and the other Kids.Is he okay at home or at anyone elses house , In the long run I think you could maybe look for another day care for him and cut the hours.