Aa
help
I have a 10 year old son and as bad as it sounds I sometimes hate him, when I feel like this I don't want to be around him and I can barely look at him.
he's always been more intelligent than a lot of children his age . he understands so much but has no common sense whatsoever! I have to literally get him dressed for school he can do it himself but tends to put things on inside out or wrong way round . if I ask him to do something I have to tell him at least ten times before he does it and then hes usually done it wrong . if I ask him to do something he doesn't want to do he either throws a full blown tantrum (slamming doors,hitting things, hitting himself screaming ) its like having another toddler. hes very big for his age and recently when hes had one of his tantrums hes hit me(resulting in bruising or his 4 sister. )
ive tried naughty step/time out but he refuses to sit and stands infront of me screaming in my face and I'm physically too weak to move him . I've tried taking things away (tv,computer games etc) it doesn't make a blind bit of difference . ive sat down and calmly explained he cant keep going on like this and he looks like hes looking through me clearly not listening to anything I say . I'm at my wits end hes making mine and my daughters life a misery I feel like putting him in care , I don't want it to come to that I just don't know what else to do . has anyone been in my situation ?
he's always been more intelligent than a lot of children his age . he understands so much but has no common sense whatsoever! I have to literally get him dressed for school he can do it himself but tends to put things on inside out or wrong way round . if I ask him to do something I have to tell him at least ten times before he does it and then hes usually done it wrong . if I ask him to do something he doesn't want to do he either throws a full blown tantrum (slamming doors,hitting things, hitting himself screaming ) its like having another toddler. hes very big for his age and recently when hes had one of his tantrums hes hit me(resulting in bruising or his 4 sister. )
ive tried naughty step/time out but he refuses to sit and stands infront of me screaming in my face and I'm physically too weak to move him . I've tried taking things away (tv,computer games etc) it doesn't make a blind bit of difference . ive sat down and calmly explained he cant keep going on like this and he looks like hes looking through me clearly not listening to anything I say . I'm at my wits end hes making mine and my daughters life a misery I feel like putting him in care , I don't want it to come to that I just don't know what else to do . has anyone been in my situation ?
that is very interesting about your granddaughter. Dyspraxia IS the technical term for what I was talking about with motor planning. My son has mild dyspraxia as well. Tripped as a child. Really confusing because he is also a natural athlete at the same time as having dyspraxia. He sure does confuse coaches from time to time!
Would love to chat sometime about your granddaughter and know more about her. :>)
All kids go through phases of having tantrums.
The best way to deal with a kid who is throwing a tantrum is to leave them alone until this passes. Once they are in a tantrum, no reasoning will help. You just have to leave them to it until it subsides.
It is very common too, for parents to feel resentment toward their child when having these sorts of issues that you are experiencing.
Because he is putting his clothes on the wrong way round and back to front, I do not feel he is doing this deliberately. I do feel because of this there is more going on like specialmom also mentions.
I suggest you make an appointment to see your doctor to refer to a child psychologist and also ask the doctor if your son can be checked out for a condition called Dyspraxia . This is a condition where people have problems with co-ordination and it does come in different degrees. It is to do with part of the brain cortex. If he has a condition like this, it may explain why he is not able to do things correctly and throwing such bad tantrums.
My granddaughter has dyspraxia and this was picked up at primary school because she was tripping over and not concentrating on things.
It may also be a good idea to have a chat with the school teacher to see how he is doing at school with regard to concentration, his writing and so on.
By what you have written, sounds like more than just normal childhood tantrums.
Best of luck.
The best way to deal with a kid who is throwing a tantrum is to leave them alone until this passes. Once they are in a tantrum, no reasoning will help. You just have to leave them to it until it subsides.
It is very common too, for parents to feel resentment toward their child when having these sorts of issues that you are experiencing.
Because he is putting his clothes on the wrong way round and back to front, I do not feel he is doing this deliberately. I do feel because of this there is more going on like specialmom also mentions.
I suggest you make an appointment to see your doctor to refer to a child psychologist and also ask the doctor if your son can be checked out for a condition called Dyspraxia . This is a condition where people have problems with co-ordination and it does come in different degrees. It is to do with part of the brain cortex. If he has a condition like this, it may explain why he is not able to do things correctly and throwing such bad tantrums.
My granddaughter has dyspraxia and this was picked up at primary school because she was tripping over and not concentrating on things.
It may also be a good idea to have a chat with the school teacher to see how he is doing at school with regard to concentration, his writing and so on.
By what you have written, sounds like more than just normal childhood tantrums.
Best of luck.
Hi there. Sorry to hear this. I'm sure it is had on many levels as a mom. First just the basics of dealing with a difficult kid day in and day out is very tiring. It probably makes you feel guilty too that you have such negative thoughts about him. and last, I'm sure it worries you that something is wrong or what is to come of him if he doesn't start acclimating to his environment a little more.
I agree with Sandman. But here is my question---------- is he this way at home or is there a problem at school as well? Is there a father in the picture? What do others say about him?
to me, he sounds like he does likely have other issues going on and the good news is that they are minor enough on the scale of things that it hasn't been obvious to you that something is wrong. His dressing habits are pretty telling though. There is something called 'motor planning' which can be even slightly off and kids have trouble with various different things and a classic one is getting dressed. There is going to be a spectrum to how kids are affected to some having no idea or natural ability to put the pants on, just can't do it to others who get them on but they are all askew and they don't realize it. Motor planning is in part how your brain organizes how to do things and then sends that message to the muscles that carry out the task. If it is wonky, kids have trouble.
My son has motor planning issues. He also has sensory issues (which actually motor planning is part of the sensory system) and things like how something feels greatly impacts him. Just today, this super cool Nike shirt had too many seams going down the side. Uncomfortable and he wouldn't wear it. Had to do a last minute change and I put the shirt in his brother's room as it is a no go for my sensory kid. Oh well, we just readjust and I try to be mindful when buying things. Ha, I am lucky that I have a son one year younger and one to two sizes smaller than him so nothing ever goes to waste. Anyway, that is another way getting dressed can be difficult.
So, my point is that sometimes there are root causes to things that need to be uncovered and once you do, by working with that information and directing efforts at the root cause----------- you see meaningful change in kids. All the punishment in the world would not help my son be better at dressing or not feeling those seams. Or some of the various other quirks he has.
Tantrums for kids with 'more' going on also are pretty common. We really tackled this head on and I must say, no tantrums at my house from my sensory son who was very very prone to them. My younger son who does not have something else going on has had occasional tantrums. I would say that I have some consequences for both boys in this situation but also it really helps to work with them on how to handle their emotions, stopping a tantrum while you are just in the irritation stage, etc. These are really life skills. Books from the library help. There are series such as "What to do when you . . ." and then various topics for each book. There is one on "when your temper flares" or "when you worry too much", etc. You can get them online or at the library. They are written to be used with the age of your son. I've used them with mine and they are really a great resource. They are endorsed by the American Psychological Association. Here is the link to the temper book:
http://www.apa.org/pubs/magination/441B005.aspx
Anyway, I found them helpful for sure and good for a 10 year old.
How are his peer interactions as well and does he participate in any extracurricular activities? How are his grades?
I agree with Sandman. But here is my question---------- is he this way at home or is there a problem at school as well? Is there a father in the picture? What do others say about him?
to me, he sounds like he does likely have other issues going on and the good news is that they are minor enough on the scale of things that it hasn't been obvious to you that something is wrong. His dressing habits are pretty telling though. There is something called 'motor planning' which can be even slightly off and kids have trouble with various different things and a classic one is getting dressed. There is going to be a spectrum to how kids are affected to some having no idea or natural ability to put the pants on, just can't do it to others who get them on but they are all askew and they don't realize it. Motor planning is in part how your brain organizes how to do things and then sends that message to the muscles that carry out the task. If it is wonky, kids have trouble.
My son has motor planning issues. He also has sensory issues (which actually motor planning is part of the sensory system) and things like how something feels greatly impacts him. Just today, this super cool Nike shirt had too many seams going down the side. Uncomfortable and he wouldn't wear it. Had to do a last minute change and I put the shirt in his brother's room as it is a no go for my sensory kid. Oh well, we just readjust and I try to be mindful when buying things. Ha, I am lucky that I have a son one year younger and one to two sizes smaller than him so nothing ever goes to waste. Anyway, that is another way getting dressed can be difficult.
So, my point is that sometimes there are root causes to things that need to be uncovered and once you do, by working with that information and directing efforts at the root cause----------- you see meaningful change in kids. All the punishment in the world would not help my son be better at dressing or not feeling those seams. Or some of the various other quirks he has.
Tantrums for kids with 'more' going on also are pretty common. We really tackled this head on and I must say, no tantrums at my house from my sensory son who was very very prone to them. My younger son who does not have something else going on has had occasional tantrums. I would say that I have some consequences for both boys in this situation but also it really helps to work with them on how to handle their emotions, stopping a tantrum while you are just in the irritation stage, etc. These are really life skills. Books from the library help. There are series such as "What to do when you . . ." and then various topics for each book. There is one on "when your temper flares" or "when you worry too much", etc. You can get them online or at the library. They are written to be used with the age of your son. I've used them with mine and they are really a great resource. They are endorsed by the American Psychological Association. Here is the link to the temper book:
http://www.apa.org/pubs/magination/441B005.aspx
Anyway, I found them helpful for sure and good for a 10 year old.
How are his peer interactions as well and does he participate in any extracurricular activities? How are his grades?
COMMUNITY LEADER
You are mentioning some characteristics of ADHD which his school may not have picked up on due to his intelligence. How does his school view him? Does he have problems on the playground? Does he follow directions in class? Homework for him is probably easy, but is it taking him longer and longer to do it. Point being that if this is going on at school and home, then something like ADHD is possible and certainly worth looking into.
If it is only going on at home, then we can certainly provide ways to help you change his behavior.
Let us know what you think.
If it is only going on at home, then we can certainly provide ways to help you change his behavior.
Let us know what you think.
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