Separation Anxiety in 9yr old?

[ticked]

I have a question and was wondering if someone could help me out.

I was a single mother for 7yrs my daughter would sleep over at my mothers house and my friends house sometimes. She loved it never had an issue.

During the year after school she would tell me she had chest pains near her ribs. I thought it was possibly her overusing muscles as my child never stays still, does cartwheels back walkovers etc over and over again. They went away at the end of the year so I thought possibly it was anxiety from school work and the pressures of the EQAO testing as she was in grade 3 and she is in french immersion and it was a 3/4 split so there was alot of pressure on her.

Well during the last year she has asked to sleep over at peoples houses and I only allow the people I know. Well one point I had to pick her up at 11pm as she wanted to go home from one friends house. I chalked this up to me telling her I didnt know the father and I didnt feel comfortable with her sleeping over so she begged and pleaded. Well none of the other girls stayed over and maybe it was what I said that scared her, dont know.

About a month after that I got a call from another friend who she has stayed over many times before with no issues and was told Grace wanted to go home and it was 9pm.

Well in the last month she has been getting worse. The place where she has gone to sleep over many many times she was getting all worked up when it was time to go to bed. My friend has anxiety and did lie down with her until she fell asleep.

My daughter told me no one has done anything to her (as that was my first thought) she said no and she was adamant. We have a really close relationship. She said she was afraid of a fire burning down the house (which was something she started saying 3yrs ago but stopped), said the bed wasnt comfortable and wanted to sleep in her own bed. She said it was dark and she was scared.  She starts getting the classic symptoms of stomach pain and headaches because she is so worked up and only I can calm her down, almost like she is having a panic attack when the thought of sleeping over comes to her mind.

My child has always had this and I have noticed it from when she was little. She always has to be around me hanging off me as well as having all my attention or my Fiance. She has gotten better at night when sleeping by her self but she will always come in and out of our room hugging us and telling us she loves us. I tell her to go read a book until she gets tired and that seems to work.

She has always been an emotional child, always!! Overly emotion, cry on a dime emotional.

It seems as though she is only comfortable to be with me, my fiance and my mother. No one else.

I have called her Ped at her request to see if I can get her into a Psychotherapist to help her with the anxiety.

If anyone has any suggestions that would be great. For now on I will have to have kids sleep over at our house as I dont think that I should push the sleepover any further even if she says she wants to because it ends always with us picking her up at midnight

[allmymarbles]

I haven't read the other posts so what I have to say may have already been recommended. For the time being I would not have her sleep outside the home. Eventually, as she feels more secure, and grows older, this phobia will likely leave her. However, if you treat it as a major problem (through undue emphasis) it may well become a major problem.

[margypops]

Yes it did and I think you ...my point was, and I apologise for the unclear way I put it, was she doesn't want to go now and it maybe a good thing not to push her. However it is your decision. My opinion is that children go at early ages to too many sleep overs and very often problems arise we see it a lot. I would speak to your daughter and if she doesnt want to go let her stay home ..

[ticked]

You might be right about the thought of losing me. When I first started dating my fiance she was jealous a bit and we have discussed this matter over and over again. She no longer feels jealous but I think she could be afraid and bothered that now I am sharing myself with someone else and she feels lonely.

I never dated for 7yrs because I didnt want her to get hurt and I think that may have made it worse because it was us two for so long that I think she is worried that she is forgotten about.

Thanks for your post it makes a lot of sense :)

[ticked]

Well I have have sleepovers because my daughter has always wanted them. Thats a weird question. Lots of kids have sleepovers. She may have one every other month or so. She wanted to go to her girl guide camp for week for the last three years it was her choice. Sorry I just dont see the relevance of the question. Its not like they are strangers houses they are her best friends and are like sisters. The issue I am having is this week as she is at my friends because like I said I was a single mother for a while and where I live summer camps are around $300 per week. So for the last three years my friend offers to take her for a week to help me save money that week. I dont force my daughter to go to sleepovers if that is what you are taking about.

She loves sleeping at my mothers house and she might do that once every three months.

To be honest it was good for both of us for these sleepovers because she is very clingy and always has been and I needs breaks once in a while or I will lose my sanity.

I hope that answers your question

[margypops]

May I ask why you have to have sleep overs at all ot at least just occasionally ..I dont think its good for children especially young ones to be away from parents Let her stay home if she wants to why has she got to go ...Let her be with you at home .