11 year old son caught watching porn daily

[Melkalechris]

I am the mother of an 11year old son and he has been sneaking on his grandmothers phone, my phone, my tablet whatever he can get his hands on to watch porn. He thinks he's sneaking but I always search history to see what he's up to and this is the third occasion I saw he was watching porn. It all came to attention one day he asked his grandmother if he could see her phone to play a game,he was acting suspicious so she hurried and snatched the phone to see what he was up to and it was full fledge porn. So since then I've been kinda spying to see what he's up to and how often he's watching. It's disgusting to me and I don't know how to address this issue. I've revoked his internet privileges but I still want to address the issue and find out where did he get this from . I have all type of thoughts going through my mind I know sometimes children act out if they've been sexually abused . I run a tight knit house and don't allow my son to go anywhere but his grandma and aunts house but I also know most the time when a child is molested 9 times out of 10 it's a family member. I don't want to think he's picked up this habit from being a victim but I can't help but cross my mind. I have a lot of mixed emotions I'm upset, confused, concerned,and disgusted all in one. What do you all think am I overreacting or is this normal for a boy of this age to start exploring?

[Yellow2500]

I highly doubt anything has happened to him. While it is always a very unfortunate possibility, he is going into puberty and it's completely normal for him to show an interest in sexual activity. Whatever you do please don't do random history checks and then pull him up for it or punish him for wanting to see these things, this will only create anxiety issues for him and in the long run may really damage his trust in you as a parent. I know he's not my son but I'm just trying to give you a viewpoint from someone who was a teen not too long ago. What he really needs from you right now is guidance, he needs to understand that porn is not real. It is acting and nothing more. Try to convey that message as much as possible and as awkward as it may be you could even watch a documentary about how fast Internet porn gives young people, especially makes, an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of sex and sexuality. He will probably understand allot more than you think.

[superdave2017]

Whatever you do, go easy. Worst thing in the world is growing up feeling "dirty" and "abnormal". Just leads to more and perhaps lifelong problems.

[seeker99157]

Hi, honestly you have to help him, i was there once, at exactly 11 on anyone's phone i could get my hands on, my mom caught me, funny thing, i wasn't looking at hardcore porn, just dirty comics[not a nerd], she scolded me, then punished me by delaying my phone for a year, and i stopped, stop thinking about it cause i attached an emotion to it, my moms disappointed look, all you have to do is talk to him, if your a christen, preach, or not telling him the negative side effects of it, its hard to find the negative side effects on the internet cause the internet it self needs porn[over 25% of internet usage] so they promote it, best way is to ask the addicts, read their confessions, if he doesn't know about masturbation yet, don't tell him, only way to stop him is by mending the bond between you and him, have more activities together, talk more about it, be a little easy on him cause he is going through something normal[not good] believe me even if hes friends watch, he will stay away, how long he will stay away depends on how much you support him, talk to him, and he will stop, the excitement he feels when watching will be replaced by disappointment you show him, support him, ask more people struggling to stop or those that already have, good luck.

[ankyy]

Hello melkalechris! I can address your issue. Its normal for 11 yr age guy to explore sexually. But, when they don't get their answers they search it anyhow anywhere. You cannot reach them. This leads to take a way to porn. And porn is entertainment not information or sexual exploration. That can destroy their minds with several questions and curiosity. Porn for sometime in between for an adult is ok or you can for 15-16 yr old guy. But for 11 yr old and that too daily is not fair. I would like to suggest you to talk with him frankly. Do not angry or talk with hesitations. Talk openly and freely. What he wants? Ask him everything. Tell him the difference about porn and sexual information. Educate him in the level that he should never be curious for watching female nudity. He must find it normal. Sexual desire is different thing and curiosity is different. Tell him what nature is. Ask him what he wants to know and answer his questions honestly and clearly. He should find it friendly. Concluding to my point, educate him his body and sexuality. He must find nudity normal and natural. All the best!

[bigg12]

Unfortunately with as much access we have today to the web Porn has been a huge issue for guys and boys alike. Studies show that expsoure to hardcore porn is steadily dropping to around 9-11 years of age. He is more than likely already addicted. Hardcore high speed internet porn is totally different then magazines back in the day. I would have a serious talk with him.

[Tegs1080]

I did same back when i was that age but with the use of a magazine.

[IAmNotPerfectButIServeAPerfectGod]

As a woman who has struggled with a porn addiction since childhood, I urge you to talk with your son. It will not just "go away". If he is hiding it now, he will surely hide it later.

There is a program online called Covenant Eyes. You can set it up on your computer, and phones, etc. It will keep track of everything. If your son erases the history (which he will learn how to, TRUST me) Covenant Eyes will put that in the report. You can even block certain websites and apply safe searches.

Watching porn should NEVER be considered "normal" or swept under the rug. Maybe those who say that have never struggled with a porn addiction. I wish I never did.

[ArmchairPsych]

It's totally normal for a boy his age to watch porn but porn watching actually changes his brain in not good ways, and it can become addictive. I would tell him that what he's doing is totally normal, as is masturbation because it feels so good, but you also want to tell him that pornography makes real sex less fun, that what he sees on there isn't what women really like or what men or women really act like, and that sex is something to be shared with one partner, not a bunch of strangers. Masturbating is fine but porn really can change the brain. It's not healthy but it's not something to feel ashamed of.

[Dealingwithnarc]

Some really open minded people here. I don't care if it is "normal" for a boy... I'm guessing there would be different responses if we were talking about an 11 year old girl. Regardless, I would restrict access (even if he didn't finds a way around it at least it isn't all the time) and have a nice chat with him explaining how curiosity is natural but that porn is for entertainment and is not real, that sex should be for loving consenting adults. Talk to him about respect for women and himself, about both parties' right to say no. Answer any questions he has and explain to him why you are restricting access. Let him know he's normal, that you aren't judging him but you're restricting because you love him and want to protect him.

[rational_mind]

i doubt anything has happened to your son, although it wouldn't hurt to ask him. having an honest conversation asking if something happened might make you feel alittle better or find out if something happened.
this type of behavior is extremely normal. bringing it up to him may lead to him being angry, feel invaded, cause him to be more secretive, or rebel. it will be very awkward for him and quite embarrassing.
reading through others answers i read alot of "he will become obsessed..." and other intense conclusions. i do see where they are coming from, people that have a porn problem usually start at a young age but logically it probably wont happen with your son. there is alot more to a porn addiction than just watching at a young age. most of the people suffering with this have a mental illness or like your concern; sexual assault.
many children will watch porn because school or friends or whatever. its normal and very unlikely to be a problem. i hope all goes well!

[citohr]

As a previously 11 year old boy, who had friends at that age, I can assure you this is normal!!! 11 years old is about when puberty starts, so thats a normal time to start getting curious about sex.

Of course as a parent you may choose to restrict what's available to your child when it comes to media, internet, whatnot, but they will get around it. Internet is everywhere, and it's very hard to control what kids can see on it.

Given that, I think it's important that you talk to your son about pornography, and the messages it sends, and which parts of it are real and unreal. The sex in porn is not real sex....it's very performative...a lot of the messages it sends about women are not the ones you want him picking up on. As uncomfortable as that conversation will be, it's a worthwhile one.

[NateFabreze]

Lots of kids now a days are watching porn and most likely masturbating to it. It is natural especially for a boy around his age. It is something that boys and girls will do and it shouldn't be something to worry too much about. But if he is taking your phone and others to do it I would make sure of what he is watching isn't something that will effect him.

[Sandman2]

Yes, it is pretty normal these days.  He has probably learned from his friends at school, what sites to visit, etc.  Besides talking to him you might want to password protect your phones, etc.

[Niecy2much]

My son has similar behavior boys do this around that age especially if there on medication for behavior problems I caught my son on the toilet sing it and he said his medicine makes him do it he been watching on his phone and mine his brother do the same and 9 out of 10 his friends showed him at school there curious around that age I also have alto of brothers they did the same when they was younger I caught them numerous times I would talk to him about it and tell him God does not like it and he can see him I told my son that and he completely stop from what I know

[ArmchairPsych]

God does not like it? Yikes.